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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Where Are All the Men?

Dear E. Jean,

I need serious help. I’m bright, successful, pretty, slightly goofy, and want to make a difference in the world. I would also like to marry and have children. I’m 28, live in the big city, volunteer, and go to church. I admit I am slightly overweight (I’m 5’5” and 140 — I can never get rid of those extra 10!)) and I may laugh a little too heartily at people’s jokes; but, it’s been four years since I met a decent guy. Four years!
This is pathetic!
And please, E. Jean, don’t think I’m not meeting guys because I’m shy. I’m not in the least bit timid. I just haven’t been in the right place at the right time. So my question is simple: Where is the “right place?” I can’t find it! Where are the guys?
—Everybody Has A Boyfriend But Me

To see E. Jean's answer

My Buttered Muffin,

Here’s Auntie Eeee’s List of the 36 Best Places to Meet a Man:

  2. Golf courses
  3. Batting cages
  4. Handball courts
  5. Driving ranges
  6. Squash courts
  7. Gun clubs
  8. Hockey rinks
  9. Deep Sea Diving Resorts
  10. (Are you beginning to get the picture? If you go where there are high numbers of eligible men, you can’t help but meet a nice chap!)

  11. The US Open (golf and tennis)
  12. The Super Bowl (duh)
  13. The Final Four
  14. The Kentucky Derby
  15. The Belmont Stakes
  16. Title fights
  17. The Indy 500
  18. Any NASCAR race
  19. Sports bars
  20. The Street — Next time you see a handsome stranger coming toward you, look him in the eye and smile. As I always say: It may turn out to be nothing but a three-second saucy intrigue, but why should your future happiness be at the mercy of not giving into an impulse?
  21. Ask your friends to fix you up.
  22. Hire a PR agent. He/she will get you invited to the hot parties.
  23. The gym
  24. Adopt a dog from the ASPCA. Walk that dog four times a day (in the financial district — Ha!) and your chances for a romantic encounter zoom to 28 times a week.
  25. Gallery openings and art museums.
  26. Set up your easel in the park (or better, on a busy sidewalk in front of the “in” club), and inspire curiosity.
  27. Concerts
  28. Music and Film Festivals
  29. Go to different churches and try out the Friday-night Shabbat services. It is mind-broadening and good for your soul.
  30. Hot restaurants
  31. Hot bars
  32. Cigar bars
  33. Pool halls
  34. Car shows
  35. Boat shows
  36. Geek Meets
  37. The Political Campaigns.

Really, it is all about seizing the opportunity and not allowing that handsome fellow in front of you on the coffee shop line to leave without you smiling and saying “hello.” Because, darling, it would be too sad to look back on your life and wonder why you couldn’t “meet a guy” when guys are literally EVERYWHERE!

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and

Join The Conversation
My1mia My1mia 8 years
You can have some of mine. Take a load off of me! lol
Jeny Jeny 8 years
Dito on the weight/height comment. I'm 5'5" and have weighed 140lbs since August and I've had to problem meeting guys. You need to have high self esteem regardless of your weight!! Just a tip!
tee0206 tee0206 9 years
Actually, some friends (mostly girls) and I have been known to deck ourselves in scarlet and gray (our alma mater's colors) and hit the sports bar during football season. We actually do get approached by men quite a bit.
nohesitation nohesitation 9 years
Sporting events ARE NOT good places to meet men. This seems to be some pervasive cultural myth! The truth is men go to these places to WATCH SPORTS. They're primed to focus on that, not mingling with women. Who wants to compete with that?
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
and when god is ready to give people blond hair they won't need the salon anymore! hello what about "the lord helps those that help themselves"? you have to make an effort in life, there is no special delivery from heaven.
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
I agree with flyinglimegreen and NOT E. Jean (as usual). Stop looking and focus on yourself. Why in the world would you go to a gunclub (or any of those other ridiculous suggestions) to look for a man?? By doing that, you are (1) looking desperate (2) already showing him that his interests are more imortant that yours (3) setting yourself up to meet some really random and potentially odd men. Go about your normal life and have fun with yourself and friends. When God is ready to give you a mate, He will. And if you don't believe in GOD, then at least believe in yourself and the fact that men should come to YOU and you should never go to them!!!
Oxymoron1 Oxymoron1 9 years
Hehe the list is great for me. Now I´ve already finished the university and I study at home at least 11 hours per day and six days per week, so it´s really hard for me to be in the right place at the right time. Moreover the problem is that i´m really shy and lack of self confidence. IMO everybody has a boyfriend but me your problem with men isn´t because of your weight but because of your lack of self confidence!! You have to learn how to love yourself!! Weight is not so important, my BMI is 17.9 and I´ve the same problem with guys!
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
cut to the chase woman! go to a dating service. why spend $ on hockey games or time taking classes when what you want is a partner? the dating services i have read about screen men for lots of things and then you KNOW what their level of interest is. if you see a handsome man on the street you don't even know if he's hetro much less available or wanting a relationship. i should have saved myself the trouble and gone to one myself. i had a couple of years that were mighty grim in the men dept. what was i thinking? if i had it to do over i'd join a dating service. love to hear others thoughts on this!
tee0206 tee0206 9 years
When I was in high school, I did my share of volunteering for a political party, and wow, there were a lot of hot guys there. At the time, the ones I liked were mainly teenage children of the candidates. In college, I associated myself with the Young Republicans and Young Libertarians--partly to make a difference and partly because of the guys. Now that I'm out of college, I really don't know where to meet guys, so that list is great! My problem is that I'm usually too shy to approach guys I see.
Meike Meike 9 years
Geek Meets! Yes! :D And, 5'5" and 140lbs is approximately 23.3 on a BMI scale i.e. normal weight, hon. If you're being insecure about it, men will notice. Men are attracted to confidence, too. :)
Random2 Random2 9 years
Ha! Political parties. It's so true, there's so many single guys there. However, 5'5" and 140 is NOT overweight! That's where I am right now, and I've got a boyfriend (3 years and counting!) and guys tell me I'm hot. Learn to be comfortable with yourself, and find out what looks work for you. Once you're comfortable with yourself, guys will take notice. Trust me. And like flyinglinegreen said, stop looking and have fun. You know the saying, "You can never find something when you're looking for it"? Well, it's true.
flyinglimegreen flyinglimegreen 9 years
STOP LOOOKING. Enjoy life. And when you've forgotten that you were on the look out for Mr. Right, that's exactly when he'll show up. Always happens that way. Always.
Marci Marci 9 years
Actually, while E. Jean's laundry list of ways to meet men is fantasic, it sounds to me like what you should really be doing it working on yourself. Why DO you laugh too hard at people's jokes? Why DO you think you're overweight when the numbers don't suggest it. Once you find contentment with yourself, I think you'll find the dating thing just starts to happen. You've got to love yourself before anyone else will.
meumitsuki meumitsuki 9 years
I agree with K8, lets not gang up on military men or women. I am married to a wonderful one and happen to have alot of single soldier friends who want nothing more than to meet a nice girl. I have had several friends date and even two marry some of my friends. There are bad apples in every barrel and women just need to have common sense when dealing with men in general.
partysugar partysugar 9 years
E. Jean I sometimes feel like I have the same problem. I'm going to keep my eyes open, nice list!
MissMeow MissMeow 9 years
Honey, when I was 5'5' and 140 pounds (I now have 20 pounds to lose) I never considered myself overweight. I'm sure you're perfectly fine - and to a really good guy, a tiny bit of flab wouldn't matter anyway. Don't worry about that - just go out and find that great guy that's out there waiting!
LuciLu LuciLu 9 years
uh, im sorry but last time i checked weight and height shouldnt come into play in a real, healthy, lasting relationship... especially when you are at a healthy weight range. that fact that you even listed it, leads me to believe this is holding you back. you have to be happy with YOURSELF before you can be happy with anyone else.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 9 years
hey hey hey... lets not lump all of the military men into one basket.... I've never dated a military man... but lets not gang up on them here
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
starofsorrow I'm sure you could find it on urban dictionary... That is if you really want to know!! :P
starofsorrow starofsorrow 9 years
trixie, what's a train? Eeep, that sounds not great. I haven't dated military, so yeah. Not planning on to for the most part, either.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
they're not all bad...I mean, I'm just sayin to actually MEET guys. Anyone could be her prince charming. that's if it's to HER interest. I just want the chick to meet a guy. I'm not liable to whether he's a dog or not! lol
purelove purelove 9 years
i thought the same as everyone else. i'm 5.5 and 150 lbs and don't consider myself overweight but average! sorry, i'm probably missing the trees for the forest here but COME ON!
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
Yeah wow, I was shocked, I'm EXACTLY the same height AND weight as her. I actually get compliments on how great of a body I have. I've also had 2 children. Maybe you just need to tone and not lose weight. I have a toned body. and I am NOT over weight. Have a little more confidence!
trixiefire trixiefire 9 years
No offense erotic assassin, but I'm from a military city (in fact, Coast Guard, Navy, Air Force, and Army are all very near here) and military guys are the worst. Only try to hook up with one if you want sex, and do so off the base. I speak from five years worth of dating experience in the area when I say that the first thing most military guys (specially army and navy/coast guard) is get you drunk and let their friends run a train on you. Happened several times a year in my home town (an hour from where I live now) and happens so often where I live now, that new prosecutions are starting to pop up all the time. Since most arent in the area for long, they know they have an "out" so they dont have to commit, too. (Thats not to say that all military men are dogs, I'm sure there are many that are nice young men that make their man or woman happy.) I think another good place to find guys is at your local Gameworks. Play laser tag or DDR or something. I like meeting guys at baseball games, cause they love a gal who likes sports and already has a mutual interest. I also go to a different festival nearly every weekend in the summer, lotsa guys there!
LibertySugar LibertySugar 9 years
Love it!
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