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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Where is my Orgasm???

Dear E. Jean--

I am soooooooo going out of my mind. I’m 27, and by no means a virgin; but I’ve never had an orgasm. What the hell is wrong with me? What do I do? See a shrink? A gynecologist? A male escort? I’m going witless here. Please help!-------Waiting for the Fireworks

To see E. Jean's answer


I once knew a young lady of 39 who had endured such a long string of idiot lovers and husbands she’d never enjoyed the Ooo Wee, either.

I took her to a fashionable shop in San Francisco which sold rabbits, wands, sprockets, rockets, smoothies, and butterflies. After much laughing and bashful indecision, she selected the attractive Hitachi Magic Wand, the Manolo Blahnik of vibrators.

The sales attendant inquired if my friend wished to “try it” before “purchasing.” My friend turned red as a tomato, shook her head, backed up, said, “no no no no,” laughed, fluttered a nervous hand at her chest, swallowed and whispered: “yes, please.”

She was shown into an elegant dressing room with small table, a chair and a lot of wall sockets. I waited outside. Ten or twelve seconds later I heard her turn the thing on. This was followed by a tiny screech of surprise and the sound of her crashing against the chair and knocking over the table.

“I’m ok!” she whispered through the door.
“Should I call the sales attendant?” I said.
“No no! I’m fine!” she whispered.

I heard her turn the fabled gizmo on again and . . . well, dear Miss Fireworks, let me just say that if you’re not Googling “vibrator” and purchasing one this very instant, I’m going to think you are a twit.

As for my friend, the sudden explosion of bliss she experienced in the tryout room was so large, so swelling, so unexpected -- her eyeballs rolled up in her head and she couldn’t see to pay at the cashier. I had to put the thing on my card.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

Join The Conversation
jimmalou1978 jimmalou1978 9 years
I love my Bullet the best of all the toys we own. I got it in my first marriage to a witless Casanova. Fortunately, my second hubby is an experienced nurse who paid attention in Anatomy and Phyisiology, so I don't NEED the thing anymore, but it is fun to use sometimes. Go to a store, look online, or whatever. There's such a selection out there nowadays that there is sure to be something that will knock your socks OFF!
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 9 years
KristaLynn: hahahhahaha thats exactly what i was thinking.
KristaLynn KristaLynn 9 years
I've never heard of trying out a vibrator at the store. WOW! That sales staff must have some stories to talk about.
Amanda-La Amanda-La 9 years
OMG that was so funny! My boss walked up while I was laughing. I don't have that problem and for me, my hubby does it better than a vibrator does but that wand sounds like fun!
onesong onesong 9 years
e. jean, that advice was perfect and hysterical to boot.
reese05 reese05 9 years
that bath water idea is so good!
RaCheer RaCheer 9 years
I love my vibrator but running bath water is amazing too...and free! ;o)
indielove indielove 9 years
hahaha....loved the advice! :)
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
Aw, poor thing. <3 Don't feel bad... A large percentage of women can't get off by penetration alone, and most men are lost when it comes to the clitoris... so it's no wonder so many women are in situations like you find yourself in. Basically, you need to take matters into you own hands. Literally. Get a vibrator. Try one that penetrates and one that doesn't. Go to this link: That thing will get you off. I promise. I've gone through several in the last 5+ years. Use it alone, during sex... whenever. It's incredible and worth EVERY PENNY. Also, if you have a bathtub or detachable shower head, experiment with rushing water. :) Good luck.
screammylungzout screammylungzout 9 years
i love e jean!
cassandry cassandry 9 years
I'm a virgin, and I have experimented with masterbation for years. I have, actually, given myself six in a row, and have never once had problems reaching just one. I'm hoping when I do finally meet someone I'm comfortable enough with to have sex, I'm able to be as free sexually with him as I am alone.
KerryG KerryG 9 years
Ha! Fabulous answer, Jean! You made me laugh out loud. I've never owned a toy, personally, so if you are too embarassed to buy one, let me assure you that fingers work just as well. They just take a little more experimentation to figure out what works. (Or so I've been told by people who've done both.) Regardless of how you do it, though, MASTURBATE! Trust me, it will help a lot. Awhile back, I wrote a post with some links and info you might find helpful:
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 9 years
hahaha im sitting at work and im laughing hysterically. its true though. men just cant get the job done sometimes
saradallas87 saradallas87 9 years
Let your BF use it on you! Just guide him a little I promise it is so good!!!!!!!!!!! then he has an idea on what feels good to you, guys have no clue because they can't feel what we feel and every girl id soooo differant that I'm sure it's hard for them to keep up.. just remember they are not mind readers so don't be ashamed to tell them what you want.
kkcain kkcain 9 years
It sucks that vibrators do the job 100% better than a man can :(
Lizzard214 Lizzard214 9 years
lol. That response almost made me laugh out loud at work.
AZ-Mary-Mary AZ-Mary-Mary 9 years
I was mortified in the store when I bought one, didn't have a BF at the time and was too embarrassed to ask a friend. So I know I was tomato faced at the counter, but let me tell you......soooooooo worth it. =) Take a long lunch and go now!!!
nicachica nicachica 9 years
i didn't submit this question but i have definitely have had difficulty with this in the past. i MUST buy one this weekend!
partysugar partysugar 9 years
E. Jean you are so fabulous!
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
Don't rely on men to give you orgasms. I have been with boyfriends who have NEVER given me one! Good job I have a vibrator! Seriously.. vibrator.. NOW!! =) BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..
blingbling blingbling 9 years
LOVE that Hitachi Magic Wand. ;-) E. Jean is so right - go and get a vibrator pronto. You can order online from companies that are very private (comes in an unmarked box, etc.) Or grab a girlfriend (or your BF If you have one and he's anxious to conquer this with you) and go to a sex shop. I'm sure you'll find that your problem will be solved immediately. hehe.
lintacious lintacious 9 years
it helps a lot if you can give yourself one because then you know what feels good where so you can then give some direction to silly fumbling boys. also do you feel like you're going to orgasm but then can't, or do you never get the feeling at all? i used to get myself so worked up/nervous when I was close that I always told my bf to stop. One time he asked if it hurt, i said no. he asked if i had orgasmed, i said no. then he said, "well lets continue" and once i let myself get over whatever hang up i had... the resulting orgasm was amazing. and it varies by person and time. sometimes it takes me a while, sometimes just a few minutes. it really really depends. just figuring out your own rhythm of it is important. For self-help tools, i also recommend the silver bullitt and any form of the rabbit ;)
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