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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Who Should I Pick?

Dear E. Jean,

I have a dilemma: I’m torn between two guys. Both of them love me, I’ve dated them both, and I love them both in different ways. One I’ve known longer; but I just don’t feel the connection with him like I used to. He kept trying to claw back into my life while I was dating the Sweetheart Guy.

Sweetheart Guy and I took a break because I felt like things were moving too fast and I explained about how I needed to resolve what was going on with Connectionless Guy. Sweetheart Guy understood and continues to understand.

It felt all right with Connectionless Guy and some times were good. But he refuses to let his mother, or his friends know we are back together. He keeps his status on social networking sites as “single.” And he doesn’t do anything romantic with me. I’m kind of tired of it.

We’re both busy during the week, but he doesn’t really make an effort to see me and the rest of the time he’s kind of a jerk. He does some sweet things but it’s like he’s afraid or ashamed of anyone really knowing how he feels about me. I can see it in his face he loves me, but this fear-thing is annoying.

A lot of my friends don’t like Connectionless Guy because of how bad he hurt me. He just acted so contrite over what happened that I thought I’d give him another chance instead of letting it bother me and ruin my relationship with Sweetheart Guy. Everyone loves Sweetheart Guy. He’s everything I could ever ask for and more. I know I feel content and at ease with him - really connected with him. Sweetheart Guy and I are ONLY on break, so I could sort things out with Connectionless Guy.

Sweetheart Guy still treats me like his girlfriend and I respond back, and, I’m not the cheating type of girl but, I do respond to the kisses and silly things. I’m just happier with him. I am pretty damned sure I’ve seen all I’ve needed to see and I know where I want to be. But now my problem is this: How the hell do I dump Connectionless Guy and let him know that my trial period of seeing him again is over? And do you think I’m right in picking Sweetheart Guy, E. Jean? (Probably silly to ask, but I do so enjoy it when you bash an a**hole-ish chap). — Looking for Serenity

To see E. Jean's answer


My luv, I am thankful for YOU today! I adore a letter where a clever-but-confused correspondent starts out asking a question, and . . . by the end of the second page, has answered it herself. Bravo! Mr. Connectionless is a turkey. Call him. Be brief, be sweet, don’t knock the stuffing out of him, just say: “Darling, we gave it a try. Alas, it’s not working for me. I wish you great happiness, great luck, God Speed, and Adios.” Sweetheart Guy is the right pick. Now, give me a piece of pie, and getoutta here.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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