Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,
Six months ago I left my fiancé of six years. Although he was/is a fantastic man, it was the absolute best decision of my 32 years thus far. Since then, I've been dating regularly and it's been wonderful!
I've met plenty of wonderful men, been happily promiscuous, but haven't met anyone I wanted exclusivity with because I've been loving the randomness and spontaneity of my life. Until now.
Holy crap! I met a man three weeks ago who makes me giddy and stupid. He's 31, has his career in order, has a mortgage, and understands my wit and engages in clever banter. Plus he's hot! The thing is, during the first week and a half that we met, we saw each other four times. During the last week and a half, I haven't heard from him. My cell phone "lost" his number (I kid you not) and although I know where he lives, I'm hesitant to just stop by because he lives an hour away and I'm afraid he'd think I was stalking him.
He told me once that a “huge turn off is a needy girl,” and I loathe to appear that way. I'm just perplexed as to why he hasn't called me in nearly two weeks — not even a text message! I swear to you E, I'm a very easygoing girl who doesn't get hung up on men. I just can't seem to stop thinking about the silence and what it means. If he isn't into me, that's fine as long as I know. But this is the first time in an awfully long time that I have no idea where I stand with a guy. And really, it's the not knowing that sucks. What to do, what to do? — Devastated and Crazed
To see Dear Sugar's answer
Miss Devastated, my daffodil,
Here’s the Rule: When a guy’s interested, he calls. When a guy’s not interested, he doesn’t call. And here’s how to ignore that rule: Pick up the phone, call 411, get his office number, or his home number, write the number on a large piece of white paper, and call the bastard.
Don’t wimp out on me now.
And for god's sakes, when you speak to him, don’t ask him “where you stand.” (Of the 11 best ways to kill a chap’s interest, the seventh best way is to ask him “where you stand.”) Keep the conversation light, keep it bright . . . and then if he says he’s been “so busy he just didn’t have time to reach you,” that's when you say goodbye, rip the number to shreds, board an elevator to the top of the tallest building in town, and hurl the pieces out the window. Hurl them. Whhhhheeeeee! And that’s how you deal with a man who hasn’t called.