Skip Nav
The Sweet Details of This Small Garden Wedding Make Us Wish We Were Invited
I Had a Terrible Breakup With My Ex, but Now He's My Best Friend
20 Sexy Gifts For Your Significant Other

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

Dear E. Jean,
I’m so frustrated! I’ve been dating the most fantastic and wonderful guy for the past month. We are crazy about each other. But there's one minor problem. He won’t have sex with me.

Don’t get him wrong. I can vouch for his capacities — we made love on the first date. But since then he’s always telling me how he’s going to “ravage me” and yet, he never does.

The other night I put on a navy-blue see-through teddy that cost me $200 and he fell asleep on my bed! It’s driving me nuts! If he doesn’t start putting his God-given resources to better use, I’m going to be terminally cross-eyed. A number of my friends have suffered from the same exact problem with successful and attractive men. What Gives? — Flummoxed

To see E. Jean's answer

Miss Flum, My Flame,

Although I believe a woman should enjoy a romp whenever she wishes, in your case I am going to invoke the fabled Flum Rule:

Never sleep with a man until you’ve flogged his trembling
carcass into a state of frenzy bordering on insanity. (I.e.
until he’s fallen in love with you.)

The male animal is programmed for the chase. (This assures the next generation.) I promise you, the more obstacles you put in front of him, the more he will burn to overcome them. (Note: Lingerie costing $200 does not constitute an obstacle.)

That said, he could be tired, ill, over-worked, stressed, diabetic, depressed, in love with someone else, not turned on by you . . . or any combination of a thousand things. Stop hurling your exceptionally charming self at him, and discover what it is.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and

Reasons You're Not Having Sex With Your Spouse
Is Masturbation Good For You?
Best Weed For Your Zodiac Sign
Am I Settling in My Relationship?
Should I Elope?
Why Am I Single?
Is He Unhappy in the Relationship?
Books About Being in Your 20s
Health Lessons to Know by Age 21
How Can I Stop Comparing Myself to Others?
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds