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Ask a Sister: How Do I Handle My Boyfriend's Jealous Friend?

Ask a Sister: How Do I Handle My Boyfriend's Jealous Friend?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a sister tries to help out a woman who has come between her boyfriend and his friend. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

When I first started dating my boyfriend a few years ago, he had a female friend who had a problem with our relationship. She got upset when he began spending less time with her and told him that he had to choose her or me. My boyfriend told her that that was ridiculous, and they haven't really been friends since. Now, she has made an attempt to get back in touch. She started calling my boyfriend again and invited us to drinks. Any suggestions on how I should handle this situation?

Cautious Caitlin

To see the sister's advice,


Dear Cautious Caitlin,

I don't think you have anything to seriously worry about. Your boyfriend is obviously on the same page as you, and he did what was right originally by telling her that he would not put her before you. If she used to be a good friend of your boyfriend, it might be worth giving her a second chance and showing that you are secure with your relationship. Get drinks and see how it feels.

That being said, I would tread a little carefully because the friend sounds potentially unstable. If she really wants to reconnect with your boyfriend, it might be best if you all hang out together, at least initially. That will send the message that if she wants to be friends with him, she has to accept you. Don't be awkward, and hopefully she'll follow suit. Good luck!

Join The Conversation
starofsorrow starofsorrow 7 years
It's entirely possible that the girl had a crush on your boyfriend, but yeah, she did go a bit too far by demanding it be her or you in terms of who he chooses. That being said, I don't see an major issue in hanging out with her again and see how things goes. She might have realized that she was being ridiculous by making her demands in the first place, and regret that. I might recommend opening up a dialogue of communication between all three of you guys, and see how it goes.
free-fallin free-fallin 7 years
Yeah, I wouldn't encourage your boyfriend to hang out with her alone, but it's possible she has matured, so why not give her a second chance?
LeftosDotCom LeftosDotCom 7 years
Most of the users at our site seem to agree with the "Sister's" advice. Invite her out with you. A male users on our site had a similar problem with his guy friends being mad at how much time he spent with his girlfriend. He suggests that in these situations you invite your friend (or friends) out with you. There is no reason for your boyfriend to lose a friendship..and maybe you can become friends with her too. Maybe you'll find her a boyfriend and the 4 of you can go out on double dates? If you want other suggestions and opinions you can check out this post on our site... ...but definitely great advice from the "Sister"
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 7 years
Agree with both of you!
PiNkY-PiNk PiNkY-PiNk 7 years
I completely agree. You have to be present for at least the first several "hang-outs". I agree that it will send the message that you guys are together, happy, and she doesn't stand a chance (if that's what she wanted).
jenni5 jenni5 7 years
Does this girl understand that they are friends or was she expecting more and that's why she is really jealous? I think it would definitely be good to hang out all together so you can see what is going on.
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