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Ask Steve Santagati: What Are Your Burning Questions?

Have you ever wanted to know exactly what he was thinking when dealing with guy trouble? I know I have, so if you're interested in getting an unbiased perspective from a man's point of view, you're in luck! I'm thrilled with the opportunity to have Steve Santagati — the Author of the New York Times best-selling book The Manual — answer some of your burning questions and concerns when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back!

To see more from Steve Santagati, click here, and to purchase The Manual, click here.


Join The Conversation
catchmeonthewtr catchmeonthewtr 5 years
I lost my husband of 29 years last year to cancer,I am starting to date, ugh! I have met a great guy, he calls everyday, sometimes twice a day. He is out of town for the weekend, we just met last week. I do not answer right away even though I am dying to talk to him. How long do I keep him waiting when he's being so good about calling? How long in terms of days, weeks or months do I continue to ignore his calls and make him wait? I hate this...I haven't dated in 30 years, I just want to be real with this guy, but I don't want to lose him by giving him the impression I am too available for him. Catchmeonthewtr
Tahni Tahni 6 years
Will you answer back?
gildaland gildaland 8 years
Dear Steve, Thanks for the response. I never really looked at what I was bringing to the table with the guys I liked. Also, thanks for not being too harsh. Based on the reviews of your book (which I bought on Friday & should be getting better be good or else I know where to find you...) I was scared that you were going to grind into me, so I was thankful for the nice response. I hear you on living my own life a la Bill Murray's character in Groundhog day. Only when he became an expert ice sculptor, pianist & truly human did the girl fall in love with him.... That being said, I still want exposure to guys in an environment that is not a club (where they can't sneak their hands on my lower waist) and not a bar like this place in LA called Happy Endings where the floor is sticky and the guys are 24 year old beer pongers. I want to meet normal, hot people who have decent jobs & can hold a conversation. Any suggestions? Grocery Stores? (Guys don't really grocery shop.) Sports bars? LA is different than any other city where you meet people just walking around! Also, I'm glad you are offering real advice. Thanks.
BadBFinishF BadBFinishF 8 years
Dear PartySugar, I rarely drink with cartoon women. Look at your picture, you're a cartoon. Cartoon lovin is fun but the sound affects make me laugh too hard. ; ) Where and how many are you? xo s
BadBFinishF BadBFinishF 8 years
Gildaland, You're forgetting something: YOU and what you have to bring to the table. never forget that you may be getting to be with him but he is also getting you.The wonderful you that exercises, reads, is funny, looks hot in panties or a sweat shirt. The girl you've built from the ground up. Moreover, When you [when we] get all wrapped up in someone we tend to throw our lives out the window [momentarily] and become occupied with the object of our desire and only them. You hate it when someone gushes over you and so will they. Look, when the right man and woman come together there is a certain harmony in the chase, in the seduction, and in the courting process. It's almost effortless. You will feel the grace when the stars line up and not have to over think it. It will have a certain flow to it. I can tell you're a black widow ; ) so do this. Keep on with your life. learning and doing and doing and learning. Have a life that fulfills you regardless of the men in it. This will make men hunt you down. Oh, shit, a huge dragon fly just flew in my house. I think they're good luck. Wow, he bounced his head against the wall and flew back out. Anyway, the game of seduction should be a fun one. Relationships were meant to be fun...otherwise they'd be called worklationshits.
gildaland gildaland 8 years
Dear Steve, Is it possible for a guy to really like a girl that is not "hard to get"? Is it necessary to play games or will the guy a woman is meant to be with like her regardless of whether she is a challenge? Does Brad love Angelina because she is a challenge? Or could she be totally clingy & he loves her anyway because he loves her? In other words, how important is the chase? If it is truly important, how can we pull it off without being obvious (if I ignore a call of a guy I am dating he will usually say--why did you ignore my call?) I always notice how my guy friends tend to like me romantically. I think it is because I am unavailable to them--I don't even THINK about them in that capacity & I am never needy, dependent or clingy. Even if I call them five times a day, they KNOW I don't like them & the energy I give off is different than the clingy/needniess that comes off when I am dating someone. In friendships, this is extremely frustrating. I just want them to be my friend! If I could fake this same vibe though when I am dating a guy, I think I would have more success. I've read "why men love bitches" and totally understand the concept because I too like guys who are unavailable. I am totally unattracted to a guy who is gazing in my eyes & is all sappy. For some reason, I can't help it when the shoe is on the other foot & I like a guy! I tend to get attached and want to talk on the phone & hang out often. So I become completely available to them & they back off. Even if they are my boyfriend, committed & all--they are not 100% there. It is really hard for me to "fake" this lack of interest with the guys I like. Do you think that I should force myself to be "unavailable" regardless of how I feel? I just want to be myself & not worry about always playing games & being coy & unattainable. Is it too idealistic to expect someone to be interested in me without a significant chase? Please note, when I say needy/clingy--it is not that I give up work or friends or exercise or have sex with men right away. But if a guy I'm dating doesn't call me for a few days, I treat him the same way my mom treats me after not having returned her messages. I don't know how to STOP or whether I am just dating the wrong guys. Maybe some guys don't need a chase?? HELP!
partysugar partysugar 8 years
Steve, when are you coming to meet us Sugar gals?????
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
OMG!!! Janine22!!! I want to know that too!! Boys do that ALL...THE...TIME...!!! It's the most irritating thing in the entire world!!! You can't be listening if you are so intensely involved in the t.v./video game/food/etc. etc. that you can't even look up, there's no way. And they ALWAYS insist that they are listening. omg, that's the most annoying thing in the entire world. Thank god my bf doesn't do that to me, he listens politely like people should when they have a conversation. I just start ignoring people that do that to me and not paying attention/being polite to them.
jessicalauren jessicalauren 8 years
So, I'm not much into relationships, or at least I wasn't. I am growing up and even though I'm still young at 20, I want someone in my life. Not forever but, for now. I recently started "crushing" on a fella, and I told him how I felt. Was this a mistake? It is all new to me, and I don't really know how he feels. I feel like I made a huge mistake and totally ruined our friendship. HELP! I hate this feeling!
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
Why is that when I try to talk to him about something important, he doesn't look at me, and/or stares at the t.v. or his video game. Then, when I ask him to please listen to me, he says he is! It is so rude, I don't get why guys do this. Then I tell him that I need him to SHOW me that he is listening, and he still doesn't do it. So rude!
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
I need a good mechanic... bahaha ;) Why do men not seem to notice when their feet smell like something died in their socks? My bf has the worst smelling feet in the world and he seldom notices.
BadBFinishF BadBFinishF 8 years
Hi. Thanks so much for commenting. I wasn't going to sign up myself but some of you crack me up so I had to. This is going to be fun. If you don't know anything about me, know this; I'll be brutally honest and promise you can use what I tell you in the real world; with that guy/girl sitting next to you [or the one you want sitting next to you] BTW- is hooking you up because I normally charge for this;) Thanks again for your interest. Think of me as your "relationship mechanic". xo Steve
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
I agree that all people are individuals, but there are some things that each gender tends to do. And it's always nice to just have a guy's perspective even though he obviously isn't going to think the same thing as every guy in the world...I think it's a better answer at least than asking a bunch of girls, b/c guys generally think similarly least more than guys and girls do. I would like to know about Sun_Sun's question too. @lickety split: When he's dead :-P :) And why do some guys have mainly female friends? What's up with that? My bf is like that, I think he has a total of like 5 male friends and 5 million female friends. Why do guys like playing video games so much? Why don't most guys have any fashion sense? .....and I'm sure I'll think of some more later, LOL.... :)
prettyeyes prettyeyes 8 years
this guy is gorgeous!!!
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
He does not represent men, the same way I don't represent women. I am who I am and I don't like certain things in some men. Would he find women with glasses attractive, or would he worship a domestic goddess? Oh god..I dare to think
looseseal looseseal 8 years
I remain skeptical of these Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars type gimmicks. All the questions that can be asked about men can also be asked about women, really. And the answer will always vary depending on the individual. Women don't all think like each other, why would it be different for men? We're all individuals defined by many other things besides our genders.
yaelly yaelly 8 years
How can you encourage a guy to let you know how he feels about you especially in the awkward first few months of a relationship?
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
Question...does he think good women actually appreciate that 'hair'?
austerity austerity 8 years
Sun_sun, I have ALWAYS wanted to know that. So two votes for that one. What are they thinking when they check out a hot or beautiful woman? Are they thinking; I wish I could do better so I could bag someone like that? And why do they still do it if their own woman is a stunner? (I've always noticed the guys with the most amazing-looking girlfriends don't ogle any less for it). And please be more candid than the 'we're just wired that way'-thing...
bransugar79 bransugar79 8 years
I just want to know why it is that no matter what I tell my husband he always thinks he knows me better than I know myself? I know that in essence he's trying to do the right thing for me and make me happy but it just ends up driving me crazy. How can I get my point across without being a witch and yelling?
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
yes i do! as the mother of girls; how old is a guy before he stops making choices with his penis. as a general rule.
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