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Ask a Yankee Doodle Dandy: Is 30 Old?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. To help us wrap up this past patriotic weekend, a person born on the Fourth of July will offer her common sense advice today. You can submit questions here.

Today's Question:

I'm almost 31-years-old and single. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about two years ago because he cheated on me and I could not live with that any longer. I was scared to be alone, but I hoped to find someone who loved me and stood by me. Well it's been two years and nothing. I actually have been jilted by three guys whom I liked. They all came on strong and then just vanished. I've gone over it a hundred times in my head to see if I was doing anything to drive them away, but came up with nothing. So I don't know why three guys thought I was not worthy of being with. I'm finding it really hard to meet anyone now. I'm feeling disillusioned and my self-esteem has taken a beating for sure.

What's not helping is that I have a 25-year-old co-worker who is also a friend. She does not let one day go without reminding me how young she is and how everything is working out in her life. She is going to school for what she wanted and quitting the job that we work at together. She puts the job down, she puts me down for being 30. I'm just tired of listening to it.


Well between being single and listening to her talk like this, I feel like my life totally sucks. I feel like such a failure for being single still . . . for being at this job . . . for just about everything.

What do I do?

To see what our Yankee Doodle Dandy has to say,


Dear 30-year-old,

No matter how badly you are feeling right now, I feel like I should be directing my advice to your poor co-worker. Why is she so unhappy? She may act like she has it all, but trust me — something is eating away at her and that's why she is picking on you. When a person feels good about herself, she naturally wants to spread happiness. But don't waste your time trying to figure out her problem; just treat her kindly and make excuses to avoid hanging around her.

Now about you. I am sorry that you have had lousy situations with these guys. Obviously men find you date-able, but you have not met the right one. Oh well, you're only 30 years old; you've got so much time ahead of you. There are many women that I know who are in desirable committed relationships with men that they met after they were 35. The secret is: don't be influenced by guys who come on strong. When you meet a man, be sure to be yourself so he knows who you are from the beginning. Develop a relaxed attitude about dating. There is something very attractive about a woman who is slightly disinterested. Concentrate for a few months on being good to yourself. How about a little splurge to compensate for this dating pain? A facial, expensive purse, tickets to an opera?

About your job. If you really don't like it, investigate other opportunities. In this recession, you may want to thank your stars that you have a job, and find ways to grow a little at work. (Do not discuss this with your co-worker.) Every Monday, go into the office with a plan to do something differently, to change a routine. And each week, determine, by your actions and words, to improve the mood of one person at work, in your family, or circle of friends.

A wonderful love is in your future, and then you will experience not only fireworks, but also the lasting glow of a Roman candle.

Image Source: Getty
French-Kiss French-Kiss 8 years
I have a friend that is 30 and she says it's the best part of her life. Dn't worry, 30 is not old at all !! Old for what ? To date ? To have kids? To get married ? No, not at all. You have years left, don't listen to this 25 year odl girl. If she regrets her early 20s, that doesn't mean you have to do so. And for that job : ask yourself why you like it. Ask yourself why do you do it every day, why you etered that company. nd if you realize that you just like it, then whatever may people say, if you like what you do, you don't need more ! This girl doesn't seem to have a good influence on you. Are you sure it's a friend ? = /
jennaboa jennaboa 8 years
Sorry, love, that co-worker is not your friend. I agree with everyone else that she is making herself feel better by making fun of your situation. I am nearly 35 and I am happy to be single. And if I ever feel my job is crappy, I start putting out my resume. If you don't like where you are at, then change it. As for the guys not calling, better you find out now they are fickle and not ready to settle than two years down the line. Maybe look into the reasons you are drawn to men like them in the first place? A little therapy can go a long way to helping you let go of some of these insecurities (or at least figure out where they are really coming from).
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I think you are being too sensitive about your age and thinking that a person who is younger is 'bragging' about it when they are probably just happy with their life.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 8 years
1st of all thinking that being 30 is old you are making a big mistake. I don't understand what is the problem with women that when they turn 30 and are single they feel as if their life suck. You still very young you still have time to date, take life easy and start working on what you want. If you heat your job you can start by looking for other jobs opportunity. Stop thinking about how much your life sucks, and start taking actions. Spacekatagal I don't agree with you when you said that by 30 you make the foundation for the rest of your life, at any age you can change or do what you want to do with your life. just b/c at your 30's you were single doesn't mean that it would always be like that.
medenginer medenginer 8 years
Her co-worker is only 5 years younger I don't know why she of all people would be making comments. She's in the same boat so to speak. I think at this point she's also sending out vibes that she's insecure about who she is and what she wants. Nobody can change your life but you. As far as dating goes if you don't meet one that meets your criteria or standards move on to the next contestant. It's not always easy or suppose to be. Keep an open mind and stay positive. I found the right one at age 31. I would look outside my normal way to meet men and keep in mind not all people are looking for what you are.
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
Take it from a 25 y.o., 30 is not old. Times are hard for everyone in the dating game right now. It may not be you in particular. Have fun dating and do not look for a forever thing right now. Just enjoy the fact that you are 30 years young; meaning you are old enough to know what you want and need and still young enough to get it. I assume that you like your job so don't let your co worker's unhappiness rub off on you . Let her know that you are fine where you are but are happy for her deciding to move on.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
This was a group therapy question, and I said that 30 was not old. I think her co-worker must feel kind of crappy about getting older or is unhappy in general, which is why it occurs to her to actually care enough to comment on another woman's "old age". It's just ridiculous. I have never insulted a person's age. Too many people care about the number attached to you when it matters nothing anymore. 16 year olds have babies, 13 year old graduate from high school or college, people graduate college early -- who knows. Age doesn't mean a damn thing, and I hope that people in the future will pick something worthwhile to insult if they're actually going to do it.
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