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Awkward! Not Inviting a Friend's Husband to the Wedding

Awkward! Not Inviting a Friend's Husband to the Wedding

A friend told me about a majorly awkward wedding situation. She's getting married soon, but one of her good friends has a husband who is trouble with a capital "T." He's belligerent, provocative and just basically socially inept. Since this friend is having a small family gathering, she can't chance having this guy ruin her reception by pissing off her guests or picking fights.

What's she worried about? Oh, you know . . .chronic drug use, sudden outbursts, and a violent temper. I wouldn't have qualms about 86ing this guy from my wedding, but I imagine that would probably mean the friend wouldn't be able to come. I hear stories like this all the time — having to choose between two friends, one who hates the other one, family members who can't stand each other, and so on.

Have you ever had to face a similar quandary? What advice would you give to this bride-to-be?


Join The Conversation
JennH JennH 8 years
Invite neither. You can't invite the friend without her husband but I wouldn't want him at my wedding. And contrary to what some posters think. It is bride and grooms day. No one else. The focus should be on the new Mr. and Mrs.
amyjoy05 amyjoy05 8 years
I don't see how you can invite one and not the other... they're a couple and her friend has chosen to be married to an obnoxious jerk. I have a friend I who is engaged to a complete a** and I will not tolerate him at my upcoming wedding. I've basically told my friend I don't want her fiance there because I think he's a jerk and not someone I want in my life. I told her I would like here there, but her fiance is not invited. I left the decision up to her. I know she'd be extremely hurt if I did not invite her and I do value her friendship. But at the end of the day, I think my wedding guest s should be people who I love and support and who love and support me. If she doesn't want to attend without him or if it's going to cause problems-- then it's her problem not mine.
ladybirda ladybirda 8 years
I agree with anonymous, I would just not invite the friend. If he really is such a belligerent jerk, he probably wouldn't let her attend alone anyway.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 8 years
I agree with those who say a husband and wife are a package deal. It is not right just to invite one and not the other, no matter how much she doesn't like the spouse. I think her friend would be perfectly justified in being pissed if her spouse wasn't invited. I also agree with bluebunn that the whole "it's my day" agrument is ridiculous. The wedding itself really doesn't matter in the long run; it's every day after the wedding that determines how great your life together is. And sometimes it's not a bad thing when everything doesn't go the way you planned. My wedding didn't turn out completely according to our plans, but I sure have some great stories to tell.
cotedazur cotedazur 8 years
I'm getting married in a month and I can identify with her concerns, but bluebunn and runningesq are right... you can't invite one spouse and not the other. if it was just a boyfriend maybe, but husband and wife come together.
runningesq runningesq 8 years
Um, you invite spouses together -- it's both or neither.
b1uebunn b1uebunn 8 years
No, I say she needs to suck it up and invite them both. A married couple is a packaged deal for an event like a wedding, and if the bride wants this woman to still be her friend, she needs to invite the friend AND her husband. Weddings today are waaaaay too much about MY DAY, etc. You're not a princess. You can't uninvite people and expect no consequences. "MY DAY" isn't diplomatic immunity.
tofutoast tofutoast 8 years
It's her big day and she has the right to pick and choose who she wants there. Though I have to say if it's just a matter of friends of the bride who don't necessarily get along I should hope that they would have enough common sense to realize that they should keep it civil or avoid each other if they do both go.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
- It would have been FAR worse had he been drunk and beligerent for their wedding.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
I was recently MOH in a wedding, and the best man was disinvited at the last minute (he was an alcoholic and showed up drunk) - I walked up the aisle alone.
French-Kiss French-Kiss 8 years
It's her wedding, and if she feels uncomfortable with this man, then I find it is normal not to invite him. It makes me think about heidi and spencer (sorry xD) => if i were a friend of Heidi, for sure I would not invite Spencer. However, This measure can be difficult between the two ladies, the wife can take it really bad =/
tlsgirl tlsgirl 8 years
I think it's totally acceptable to not invite this guy. It sounds like she'd be worried all day that he would act out and ruin her wedding. If her friend can't come, she can't, but why invite someone you can't stand that's bound to cause trouble?
pinkyloca pinkyloca 8 years
Been there, done that. One of my best friend's was also my bridesmaid, but when I told her her boyfriend (abusive to her, a loud cursing drunk, gang member) wasn't invited, she said she won't be coming to the wedding and then didn't talk to me for a week. Afterwards, she acted like it never happened, since then I've eventually broke up with her and my life is drama free. If your friend doesn't want to acknowledge her bf/hubby isn't invited because you don't want any trouble, stand your ground, because if the situation was reversed, I truly believe they would do the same without hesitation.
Pistil Pistil 8 years
I'm not sure if this is uninviting or not inviting? If it is a small family gathering, I would only invite family and close friends. How close could this friend possibly be if you hate her husband? I don't think I could support a best friend who insists on staying with an abusive, junkie husband (you made him sound pretty awful)... If I really didn't want her husband there, I would let her know that I was only having a small reception and had to really limit the guest list, and not invite the couple. Or, as a close friend, she probably already knows you dislike her husband and perhaps would understand if you only invited her sans guest.
Chouette4u Chouette4u 8 years
Not inviting him to begin with is OK, but why should there be any "uninviting" involved? If this guy has always been a belligerent jerk, she should have only invited the friend and not her husband in the first place.
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