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Awkward! Toaster Gets Toasted

Among the many tips given to people who make toasts at wedding receptions — don't be long-winded, include witty anecdotes, mention those you are toasting by name and explain how you know them — it should go without saying that you shouldn't be a drunken fool while giving toasts.

That's just what happened at a wedding I attended, and unfortunately I ended up being embarrassed on behalf of the drunk toaster.

Here's how it went down. I reluctantly agreed to go to a friend's wedding even though her soon-to-be brother-in-law had just dumped me for an older woman. (It's a long story, but she'd set me up with — oh, let's call him Jake — and I kinda fell for him. Shortly after we realized it was never going to work, he began dating someone else.)

I didn't want to see Jake, in part because I was still hurting from the rejection, in part because I didn't want to see her, but there I was, trying to support my friend and keep a low profile.

No dice. Jake, a bigger drama queen than I, had to get stinkin' wasted during the wedding. After he gave a sweet toast, albeit filled with risqué jokes told in slurred speech, he began looking around the room — for me. "Hey, where's X? X should give a toast . . . Hey give a toast, X!" I cringed, blushed and then wanted to hide under the table when I saw what none of us wanted to believe was happening: his new girlfriend proceeded to throw coffee into his lap after he finally sat down.

Oh, sheesh. They began to argue, someone else tried to diffuse the situation, and I ran to the open bar for my own alcoholic beverage.

Have you ever attended a wedding in which the toaster got toasted or said something stupid?


Join The Conversation
mks0880 mks0880 7 years
When my neighbor's daughter got married to a guy from Scotland, all the Scottish groomsmen threw the bride into a pool at this castle where the reception was held. Apparently no one is allowed in the pool, because the castle staff kicked everyone off the grounds and the reception was canceled before dinner even started.
zabrow zabrow 8 years
at my cousin's wedding, her bridesmaid got up to give a speech, slurred her way through it & then started sobbing & had to be interrupted by another more sober bridesmaid. wayyy embarrassing for that girl.
opentypeA opentypeA 8 years
I was at a wedding a few years ago where the BRIDE got completely trashed!
Smacks83 Smacks83 8 years
Well, I went to a wedding where the best man wasn't drunk but durring his speech said : "I knew X and Y were meant to be together from the first night they met. I knew she was the girl for him when she touched his hand lovingly, looked deep into his eyes and said "Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes"" Yeah, this was all in front if her parents, grandparents, friends, family...etc. She turned so beyond red she was purple! I doubt that this is how they explain to people how they actually met.
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 8 years
we haven't had any drunk speech-givers, but some people, namely my uncles at their only daughters' weddings, go on and on and on (and on and on..)
SeaAre86 SeaAre86 8 years
I've heard some weird things happening, but that sounds pretty horrible. I can't imagine someone being so tacky. :(
mtx mtx 8 years
i haven't seen this happen either, but i'm pretty sure i wouldn't call the bride/groom's families "unclassy" if such a thing did happen.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 8 years
i have been to a few weddings and nobody has ever gotten drunk to the point that they say something stupid or do something stupid.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
Never been to a wedding where people got out of their mind drunk and did something stupid. My friends and their families are all very classy. There is no place for drunken speeches or behavior at such a nice event.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
You should have referred to yourself as TresSugar instead of X in the article :) thanks for sharing your embarassment, btw!
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