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Are Bachelor Parties Harmless?

"Are Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties Really Harmless?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I don't like the idea of bachelor/ette parties. I don't like the idea of my fiance getting drunk and getting lap dances and the possibility of it leading to sex. For a bachelorette party, I don't much fancy getting a male stripper, a guy dancing around just doesn't do it for me. I also don't like the thought process behind it, better have fun now because your life is over. I don't want to forbid my fiance to have a party but I don't want anything to happen. But I know his friends and I know they'll get strippers and do something stupid. I also know I can be a bit insecure. What do you think, are bachelor/ette parties harmless fun, or can they ruin a relationship? Also are you OK with your guy going to strip clubs?

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Casey111 Casey111 5 years
I may be in the minority here - but I do not believe in bachelor and bachelorette party thing, and err on the sentiments you expressed in your original post. My thing is: if my boyfriend would not do something in front of me - why is it ok for him to do it when I'm not around? I doubt my guy would have sex with a stripper - but the thought of him oogling other women and having them dance on him half naked as 'fun' just before our wedding would disgust me. I would hope he'd feel the same about me wanting half naked men dancing on me. I can't think of anything that would make me feel less sexy to him, then knowing he's sitting somewhere coveting a stripper. I'm not even religious - but the thought of that just grosses me out - considering that a future husband is supposed to love and respect me at all times. If a couple is getting married - I don't know why that triggers the need for behavior that wouldn't ordinarily happen during a relationship. If you're uncomfortable with it - you need to talk to him about your concerns. If he disregards them, he's not as considerate of you and your feelings as you would think, and you have a touchstone for how other issues between the two of you will go.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
I don't love the idea of my fiance going to strip club, but I'm okay with it for his friends' bachelor parties and for his if he wants it. Obviously i know he's not going to hook up with a stripper, and frankly I don't think he would want to even if he were single. Mostly, I just want him to be happy and to get what he wants out of the whole wedding experience, and if what he wants is to get wasted and look at a stripper then far be it from me to hold him back. My girlfriends and I are going to Vegas but will also be male stripper free.
nicole121482 nicole121482 5 years
Strippers at a Bachelor/Bachelorette party are NOT the end all of a relationship! If you don't trust your fiance to NOT cheat on you, maybe you shouldn't be getting married.... These parties in today's day can consist of whatever you want them to be! I personally don't want a male stripper, but I do enjoy going to female ones on occassion with my BF...I would expect a portion of his night to include that and mine would be to go out and have a crazy night out with my girlfriends after a day of lounging on the beach. Cater your's to what you want, not society norms and have the self-respect and trust to let your fiance do the same for his...
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
I have never been to a bachelorette party with a stripper. I know they're more common for men at bachlor parties, but if it's something that bothers you, just tell him you don't want him to have a stripper there. He should respect that, and not do it behind your back. Most of the bachelor/ette parties that I've been to or heard about have been more of an epic girls'/guys' night out. I'm planning one for one of my best friends right now, and it's more of a spa day followed by a night out on the town. I think it's less and less common for there to be strippers these days. It's boring and predictable.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Bachelor/bachelorette parties do not have to be about strippers! For my sister-in-law's bachelorette, we went to a super fun, swanky restaurant in Atlantic City, then clubbing. It was fun but not over the top. My brother's bachelor party included dinner at a nice steakhouse, followed by going to some whiskey bar/cigar lounge. You just have to take the focus off of sex, and make it about spending time with your girl/guy friends!
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
I would TOTALLY let my fiance have a bachlor party with strippers. I would also NEVER be engaged to a man who is stupid enough to have sex or fool around with a stripper. I don't like male strippers so I wouldn't have them. But you're going to be with this man the rest of your life. Why should it matter if he has one crazy night with the guys? Just relax and enjoy your day too.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
If he doesn't know how you feel then you need to tell him. The way to get around insecurity is not to buckle down and try to get through on your own. You have a partner, share the issue, ask for help, and work on the issue. This "tradition" of bachelor/ette parties is pretty modern, and if you are uncomfortable with it, there's no reason to do it. Ask him how he feels about. There's no reason not to make your own tradition, come to an understanding between the two of you. You're heading into marriage, when you are uneasy about something you share it with your partner, and work through it. This is no different. Make your own expectations for the night before, your own plans. See what each is comfortable with, see what each wants. They might be very different than you're thinking. If he is looking forward to the stripper, then let him know about your insecurity and let him reasure you that nothing inappropriate is going to happen, just a little fun. And if you don't want a stripper shakin' in your face, then tell your friends that, and don't do it. You absolutely have the right to decide how you're going to spend this night. Decide what you need, and make it happen. Let him decide what he needs and let him make it happen. Communication is key. Communicate. Understand each others' wants, needs, and issues. Form your own traditions, fulfill your own expectations. And you can't fulfill each others' expectations if your aren't sharing them. Talk. If you don't tell him how you're feeling, he can't respond to it. Always give him the opportunity to repsond to you feelings by telling him what they are, and if you're not getting the response you want or need, tell him. Don't ever expect him to read your mind. Don't assume he knows what you want. As your relationship progesses, you'll learn what those things are. Relationships are works in progress. And you both have to decide what the structure of your relationship is, you have to build it together. communicate. And don't ever do something you really don't want to do. Have a good time, do what you enjoy, share your expectations, your worries, your get the picture. Start now, with your worries about this issue. blessed be, have a lovely marriage
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
I for one LOVE having strippers around. But I do agree that if you can't trust him not to fuck a stripper, you can't trust him to marry him, flat out. And if his friends seriously try to talk him into cheating on you at the bachelor party, that's a behavior that's likely to continue throughout the marriage. Honestly he's more likely to sleep with someone from his work/social life, so you best keep him unemployed in a cage if you're that worried about it. It's good you recognize your own insecurities! Maybe you should post back giving some details on the root of your insecurities, and get some feedback on how to get over them? And I would say bachelor parties don't ruin marriages. If a guy feels like it's his last night of freedom he's not ready for marriage, having sex with a stripper is the wrong way to address those feelings.
Bellasupergirl Bellasupergirl 5 years
Nobody likes the strippers around. But at the end of the day, you should trust it not to lead to sex. It doesn't always lead to that hiring a stripper. And if it bothers you, just bring it up to him. If it's a deal breaker, do you really want to marry the guy anyways? The bigger concern should be that you're worried he will sleep with a stripper! If you don't trust him, perhaps you shouldn't marry him. If you can't trust him around a sleazy stripper, what are you going to do if he's ever approached by another woman? It's hard to think in the next 50 years that will never happen.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I meant to say, not having strippers or bachelor parties will not lessen your marriage experience :) sorry typos.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
The thing is, it's 2012, you don't always have to follow 'tradition' of bachelor-bachelorette parties involving..strippers. You guys can make co-ed party, whatever you guys want, talk it out with your fiancee. Believe me that not having strippers or separate parties or whatever will lessen your marriage experience. Then again, if you guys enjoy those parties, by all means. My husband and I never had those type of parties. He chilled with friends at his man-cave (drink and watch footballs) while I just went for a mani pedi and dinner with the gals, and then we eloped, kept it simple, and we don't feel our marriage is any less because of lack of bachelor-bachelorette parties :)
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