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Bad Birthday Gift From Boyfriend

"I Hate the Birthday Gift My Boyfriend Gave Me"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My birthday was on Saturday. Throughout the week I kept mentioning to my boyfriend I liked earings, rings, basically anything girly. On the day of my birthday I said to him, "I'm ready for my present now, I know you don't have anything though." I knew he didn't, but he said stop asking, you'll see. So it made me think he had something and I better not spoil the surprise and stop pestering.

Then, he said he had to go to the store. I knew then he was going to buy me a gift. He pulled out a Walmart bag when he got home and inside was a hat and gloves and the ugliest hat and gloves at that. Plus, I have never worn a hat in my life; I hate hats. We have been together for three years and I can't believe he thought it was OK to buy me a gift on the day of my birthday. He pretty much just pulled the first thing he saw off the Walmart shelf. Is it OK for a boyfriend to do something like that? I mean, if the gloves were nice I might not be so upset or if it was a scarf, not a hat and if he even remotely thought about me before he bought it, the day of my birthday.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 4 years
My partner gave me some money along with no card for my 21st. I thought it was reallly thoughtless of him and was hurt by it. I told him that I appreciated it but I felt it wasn't much thought for a 21st birthday present. After some time I let it go and got over it because our relationship is good otherwise, I think if yours is good, you will do the same. There's not much you can do about it. Men sometimes are a bit slack.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
I dunno what was going on but he was definitely slacking in the thoughtful department for your birthday. Not to be snide but maybe next time you should be graciously quiet about your birthday and maybe he'll surprise you with something nice. If that doesn't work maybe you should go running to Walmart on his birthday and get him a nice hat and gloves. That way you can match.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Great advice from the ladies. I just want to add, that if everything else in your relationship is going well, and you find that your boyfriend is not receptive to your disapointment, this may be an issue you have to learn to live with. Lots of people have. A lot of men see romance differently than women, and do different things to express their affection and commitment to their partner. Have that talk with him, to let him know what would make you happy, make sure you're giving as thoughtfully as you want to be given to, but realize that different people express their love in different ways. And if he doesn't meet your idea of romantic and thoughtful gift giving, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Think about the other ways he expresses his love and appreciation for you, and recognize his efforts in those ways.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
I think it would be unacceptable for my bf to do such a thing. However, only I can make that judgement about my bf because I know ourselves and our relationship very well. Likewise, only you can judge your bf and what you're ok with in your relationship. What you need to contemplate are several things. Firstly, you teased your bf about the gift, saying he didn't have one. You make light of the fact that he doesn't have a gift, so he probably thinks you're ok with it. Try making a big deal out of this and show him you're upset and I'll bet he'll start to think you're not okay with it. What you wrote also indicates that this is his average behavior; you expected him to not get you a gift. Why? Secondly, his idea that it's okay to do this kind of thing may be reinforced by your own behavior. Do you get him thoughtful gifts? Do you get him gifts at all? Do you treat him the way you would like to be treated? The reason why I would be unhappy if my bf did such a thing is because he has never done such a thing before. It would be out of character for him. Furthermore, I put into the relationship what I want to get out of it. It's sort of like an investment of sorts. If I put nothing into the relationship, I can expect to get nothing in return. But if I put something into it, I can expect something. That doesn't mean it's 50/50 all the time. Sometimes, if my bf is having a rough time, no matter the special occasion, it's okay for him to give much less than I do. That's the compromise in a relationship. At the very least, have a talk with your bf about your true feelings. He may think you're okay with it. But you clearly are not okay with it. So tell him that; he's not a mind-reader.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 4 years
Is it ok if he does that..uh, you know what, it's not for me to decide that. But, would I be irritated if I think someone doesn't pay attention to me or treat events in my life that he knows is important for me with such inconsideration? Sure. I'd be annoyed. How is he acting otherwise as a boyfriend? Other than buying birthday gifts or Christmas gift or V-day gift, is he usually good to you? Or is he usually this way throughout the 3 years you guys are together. If he's usually good at getting you gifts, and treating you like a queen, and this is an anomaly, and you're annoyed (understandably) then you need to cut him a little slack. Yes, express to him clearly how you feel (the way you describe that as if he's not putting any thoughts in his gift and you prefer him to be more thoughtful next time around), but no need to throw hissy fit, perhaps see if he does better next time (X-mas coming soon then V-day). Have a discussion about exchanging gift to avoid further confusion and annoyance. Ok, from my experience, my husband, my father, my brother..ok..most guys in my life SUCK at choosing gift. My dad would be buying my mum jewelry (the real thing mind you) and my mum usually HATES what he chooses for her (well, he's not the most creative mind when it comes to design). I've seen after years of them being married (40 yrs) that the same thing happens often every time my dad got her something. SO, to make it easier, now he gets her what's on her wishlist, or he took her shopping (p.s. my mum loves shopping) and pays for whatever she chooses. I know it's more ideal to you to have your bf be able to guess what you want after giving you hints. Sometimes hints just fly over his head though, so if you want to get what you really want, wish list a few items, send it to him. Do have a discussion about exchanging gift too, so that each of you will have what you both want... Good luck and oh yah, happy belated birthday to you.
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