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Bad Reasons to Have Sex

Are You Having Sex For The Right Reasons?

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango.


When you want to make love, why do you want to? The answer may seem obvious, but there are many reasons for wanting to have sex other than feeling sexual.

Some of the reasons we might want to have sex:

  • Feeling insecure and wanting to feel loved or validated through sex
  • Hoping that by having sex the other person will like you or love you
  • Having sex as a form of control over the other person's feelings for you
  • Feeling sexual desire and wanting another person to take care of it for you
  • Hoping that having sex will release stress
  • Hoping that having sex will put you to sleep
  • To have a sense of power and control over someone in general
  • To avoid facing feelings of loneliness and aloneness, or other painful feelings
  • To be held and get the affection that you want
  • Feeling filled with love and wanting to express it physically to the person you love

Other than the last reason, all the others are from a wounded part of you — your wounded self.

The wounded self in many people has learned to use sex addictively — to get love, avoid pain, and feel safe. This can create many problems in relationships and in society in general. A person acting from his or her wounded self who wants power and control may sexually abuse both children and adults.

To read the rest, check out Are You Having Sex For The Right Reasons?

Written by Dr. Margaret Paul for YourTango.

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Join The Conversation
michelleb1814 michelleb1814 5 years
These are the exact reasons why I'm having regular sex with someone I'm not dating. There is a very temporary confidence boost experienced with casual sex (especially when the guy is smokin'!). I haven't found Mr. Right, and until he comes around, I'll keep banging Mr. Right-Now.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Thanks SKG!!! Just goes to show, having a doctorate is not necessarily indicative of intelligence. Linda459 I think you might be having sex for the wrong reason.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
*be only occur in* whatever that means...
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
Since when does tressugar support the idea that sex is something that should be only occur in a loving, committed relationship? If Dr Margaret Paul thinks I'm wounded then she's a square and she can suck it. Where did she get her degree, Jesus is Watching You Fuck University? Did y'all even read this before reposting it?
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