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Beauty Lies Within

Dear Sugar
I have this overwhelming feeling that I am ugly all the time. I sit in front of the mirror and over analyze my face, I hate my nose and feel like I have gotten fat. People tell me this isn't true, but I always think they are lying. During college, I graduated three years ago, I used to do some modeling but I never understood why they asked me.

My boyfriend tells me everyday that he thinks I am beautiful but if he forgets, or if my friends don't think I look cute, which they do most of the time, I get so upset and assume I look terrible which ends up ruining my night. A million times a day I find myself comparing myself to other girls and I am paranoid that my boyfriend wishes I were someone else.

It has gotten to the point that when we have sex, I wonder if he is thinking about other girls. I have contemplated plastic surgery. Has anyone else ever felt this way; and what do you think I should do to fix my ailing self esteem? Down in the Dumps Diandra

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Down in the Dumps Diandra
I am so sorry you are feeling this way but try not to be too hard on yourself. You are not alone... many women suffer from low self-esteem and most of the time we are our own worst critic. Have you always felt this way about yourself or is your self-hatred a reaction to a recent event?

Suffering from low self-esteem can be extremely damaging so I think it is imperative to nip the root of this problem in the bud ASAP. From what you have said above, you are a beautiful young woman who is letting your confidence level get the best of you.

Have you considered speaking with a therapist? Are you willing to figure out why you feel this way about yourself? Many women turn to plastic surgery in an attempt to "fix" themselves even though the problem really has nothing to do with their physical looks, rather it has to do with their emotional insecurities.

Before taking any drastic measures, I advise you to seek professional help, as you are not in the right mind to go under any kind of knife and morph your look just yet. Hopefully, soon you can begin to love all the wonderful things your friends and family see in you. I wish you luck.

Join The Conversation
honey31 honey31 10 years
I also feel this way at times so i know where you are coming from.You sound like a beautiful woman who is hard on her self.I agree with eveyone here about getting help to get over this.Good luck!
Deba Deba 10 years
one thing I learned is that if my bf is with me its because HE WANTS to be with me. Believe I get scared all the time what he wishes I was taller, with long hair, bigger breasts, blue eyes, etc... but he still with me, must be because he likes the way I am, otherwise why would he loose his time with someone he does not likes?
fashion_doll24 fashion_doll24 10 years
BDD was also the first thing that popped into my mind while reading this! You should definitely go and talk to someone. Good luck!
Lizabelle Lizabelle 10 years
Going through the aging process can be tough I see that myself sometimes, but I think you seem to be having extreme issues with it, and agree with others that you should talk to someone.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I agree with everyone telling you to seek professional help. Even if you get plastic surgery now, you will never be able to look 20 years old and perfect your whole life. You really need to start building worth in yourself that doesn't relate to your looks.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
*Oops, forgot to spell check! It's dysmorphic with a Y
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
M155 is right, you may have developed BDD. Body Dismorphic Disorder is a disorder where you spend a lot of time thinking about and overalylizing real or imagined "flaws" in your looks. What you see in the mirror is not what other people see when they look at you. There is a lot of help you can get, you don't have to keep feeling this way. Get your dr. to refer you to a phychiatrist who can offer medication in conjuntion with therapy. Your boyfriend obviously thinks you are gorgeous and wants to be with you. He probably feels very sad that you can't see what he sees everytime he looks at you, but doesn't know how to help. Just talk to some professionals, this problem is fairly common and is treatable. Search body dismorphic disorder on google and you can find a lot of helpful info on the problem.
iheartfooty iheartfooty 10 years
Looks are only skin deep, your personality never seem to be a beautiful person, ever notice how stunning models always or mostly go for men who aren't good looking?!
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 10 years
Lila-Fowler Lila-Fowler 10 years
I too feel like I am going through a bout of self-loathing. But I think it's important to put things in perspective: Looks matter a LOT, but they do not mean EVERYTHING. A person's identity is SOOO much more than looks: it's your friends, your boyfriend, your intelligence, the things you enjoy, the music you listen to, etc.... looks are only one part of who you are. And I think you must be stunning to have been modelling, so please do not worry about your looks too much--- they must be very above-average. There will always be more beautiful people than you and there will always be people less good-looking than you are. Your job is to learn how to make it in this world without comparing yourself to those people all the time. I know it's hard, I don't think I am very good at it either-- but it's important to know that looks don't mean everything. Your boyfriend and friends love you for other things that make you YOU, not only your looks. Return their love by being comfortable in your own skin and focusing some attention to them! You will feel better and they will too. Good luck, and hugs.
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I have felt the way you feel specially when I was younger. The best thing you can do is start taking care of yourself inside and out. Eat healthy and work out 3 or 4 times. You'll start slimming down and toning your body. Wherever you go dress up. People laugh at me because I love high heels even if I'm just going to the supermarket I dress up and wear makeup. It makes me feel more beautiful and femenine. Also read self help books on Self Esteem and how to handle your own critic. We have these ideals of perfection dangled in front of us and when we don't achieve them we beat ourselves up and miss out on so many joys in life. Nobody can be perfect even the magazines are airbrushed and computer enhanced to look perfect but its just an illusion. The less time we think about that the better we feel.
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