Twins Karen and Kristy Ambrose, also known as The Ambrose Girls [1], give us some insight on what it's like being the side piece to the hot guy who's already taken.
Picture this: you're out at a bar surrounded by your best girlfriends and some hot potential new bar flirts, vodka soda in hand. You start having a great conversation with a really hot guy you've been eyeing all night. Things are going so great; chemistry, intelligent conversation, your friends are mingling . . . basically dream situation. Until he drops the tiny bomb that he has a girlfriend. Inside you're screaming F*CK my life, but outside, you keep your poker face. Regardless of the explosion that just occurred, the conversation and the flirtation somehow do not skip a beat. The whole girlfriend topic is lightly touched on and only re-visited to confirm the fact that she exists.
Your night continues on with this guy as you repeat in your head over and over "why why WHY does he have a girlfriend?" all the while you're aware that he is not shying away from you and your flirtation has progressed to touching and teasing. To the outside world, you look like two people who have struck up some great chemistry and will most definitely be going home together. But even in your drunken haze, you know the truth. He is spoken for, another girl has his heart. Just your luck huh?! You might have his attention for now but she's got it for the long haul.
Lo and behold, count yourself among the pond scum of the world because . . . you and the guy end up going home together anyway. It was forbidden and hot, which you somehow justified it in your intoxicated mind as being worth it. You wake up the next morning feeling somewhat giddy about your new prospect even though deep down you know the truth; this will go nowhere and he is taken. Should you feel used or mad? He was honest with you all along, so you don't know how to feel. You were just as guilty in entering this situation even though you were drunk, you chose to go home with him and enable cheating. Do you have some bad karma coming your way? The questions could last forever . . . .
Besides betraying their significant other, people in relationships who openly go out and troll the bars looking for a side piece (even if just for the night) are not only scum bags to their girlfriends, but they put that side piece in a really tough position. In today's dating world it's no secret that it is hard to find someone you hit it off with. So, when you mix a good looking and charismatic guy with a couple drinks, the whole girlfriend thing suddenly becomes less of an issue. Further, his honesty about his ever present relationship makes him seem somewhat trustworthy because right off the bat he's being 100 percent real with you. As a consenting adult, you know exactly where they and you stand, everyone's on the same page, and you continue on this shady cheating path together.
What happens next is impossible to tell, will the cheating continue? Will this be a one and done thing? Will he break up with his girlfriend? Will you ever talk again? If their relationship was so great, why is he cheating at all? Among the continued questions, and your painful anxiety about it all, you know that your current ranking in the contenders for his heart are undoubtedly #2 at the highest.
Again, where the "side piece" position is a shitty one to be in, the ball is quite literally never in your court. The entire situation is so out of your control, but you cannot help but squirm with curiosity about this guy and your potential future. You don't want to sit around and wait for him to do something and you're not holding your breath for so much as a phone call, he does have a girlfriend after all. Despite the cold hard facts of the situation, and deep down knowing this is NOT your man, it's unsettling to think about how that could be all that ever happens with this man. Is it really Done. Finished. Over.?
The situation of being the "side chick" is basically as tempting as the fruit in the garden of Eden. No one is safe, as much as we might not agree with it, we've all been there or at least been tempted. In the heat of the moment it seems sexy and like a great idea, but the reality is that it totally sucks.
Next time you flutter your eyelashes at a dude with a girlfriend, keep in mind that you're putting yourself in a horrible position that will go nowhere fast. Even though only a major loser guy would do this, the real loser in this scenario is you. Be smarter than this and fight this temptation before it becomes a "thing". You can choose to pass on this guy now or pass on him after he's still with his girlfriend but cheating with you three months down the road, tough choice, eh?