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Best Friend Broke Up With Me

Group Therapy: My Best Friend Broke Up With Me

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My best female friend broke up with me a couple of months ago, to be honest I'm not really even sure what happened, only that she started avoiding me, and then when I asked her about it she just freaked out and said she wanted me out of her life. She said some really horrible things about me as a person that have really hurt me, and I've done a lot of soul searching since then, and I really think a lot of that is inaccurate, or was based on miscommunications. I know she has some personal issues she is working through, and is on a couple different mood stabilizing medications. I recognize I'm not the greatest friend (If you're wrong . . . I'll tell you that. But it's because if you are in my life, I want the best for you . . . and I'm a horrible liar), but I do genuinely care about the people in my life and do the best to make their lives better.

Anyway, I can't get over it. I don't really know if it was me, or her, or what. But she still hangs out with all of my friends (who I introduced her to), and it's pretty awkward seeing her at parties and stuff. We don't speak at all — and the couple of times we have had to, she's played completely dumb like nothing ever happened. It's baffling. And I can't just block her on Facebook and forget about her because she's still in my social circle, I'll deliberately not go to parties I know she will be at, etc. It's starting to make me feel uncomfortable in my own circle of friends, and I worry what she told them about me.


So I'm upset, and really confused, and not sure how to move forward. Any advice, points of view, etc are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
When I was younger I considered myself to be a "tell it like it is friend." Looking back, I was unhappy with a lot of things in my own life and telling other people they were making mistakes was gratifying in a way. Was I right? Usually. But telling people they were marrying the wrong guy or that they needed to get a real job wasn't helpful to anyone. I'm glad to hear you're doing some soul searching as a result of this. Like the end of all relationships, there's never just one person at fault. I'm guessing there may be some dysfunctional behaviors you may bring out in one another. I'm not trying to put the blame on you--it sounds like she's got a host of her own issues. But these are the moments we get in life where we have the chance to honestly confront and evaluate our behaviors and make positive change.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I've been a "tell it like it is" kinda person for years, and have also had to learn that just because I perceive something to be truth, 1) doesn't make it truth, and 2) doesnt' make it welcome. I know that I can be very blunt, and that sometimes that's appropriate, and sometimes it's not appropriate at all. The Dalai Lama talks about compassion, which I think is the most important value to learn for all of us. The whole treat one the way you want to be treated is about compassion, and I don't understand always why it's so hard for us to learn as people, but it is. I do know that what we put out into our lives, and how we put it out there always comes back, in spades. That's how we, hopefully, learn to do and be better next time. Gosh, it could be any and all of those things, bluntness, meds, ....good for you that you're soulsearching though, and not just figuring it's her. Blaming someone else is always the easiest solution, but never the best. Best of luck with your friend and your situation.
juicebox07 juicebox07 5 years
Sometimes I think those mood altering medications can do more damage than good. I have a friend who got put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds a little over a year ago. It completely changed her behavior. They made her mean and emotional, and she stopped talking to me out of nowhere. We didn't talk for a year, and then she ended up contacting me and apologizing. She said she was going through a tough time then and the medicine made her a mess. She's not on the meds anymore, and we're back to being friends again.
sunfl0werxx sunfl0werxx 5 years
Good advice. I have done a lot of soul searching since then, and it was only recently I discovered I was more of a "tell it like it is" friend. i have few female friends and many guy friends, I'm much more comfortable around guys in general and their communication style is what I've adapted I guess. I have a hard time giving unconditional support to a female friend if i think she's making the wrong choice, and I think perhaps this is what this particular friend wanted of me that I could not provide. I've never lost a friend before, which is why this was particularly hurtsome to me. Thank you very much for the kind words. :)
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
I'm with Spacekatgal. I'm really sorry you're going through this, it is very, very painful to lose a best friend. If she's on medication for sure she's going through major changes. She may come back around with time. Interesting you immediately point out you're a 'tell it like it is' friend. Has this happened to you before -- losing a friend because you told them something uncomfortable? Was it worth the loss? You might check in to see with others to see what they think if you might learn to be more tactful or kind along with the honesty. It can be both ways. Let yourself grieve and accept her boundaries. Respect where you both are. And look forward to a new best friend, she'll come along.
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
I had a best friend who totally dropped me from the face of the earth for no reason at all. Simply we just grew apart. Our lives are different and for the most part, it's just the way it is. Don't stress over this. I knew she dropped me by the fact that she deleted me on Facebook and so did another mutual friend of ours did. I tried to get an explanation but it didn't happen and it did hurt but I got over it pretty quickly. You will too. Life goes on and you keep living your life.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 5 years
Its best not to dwell on it,people move on with no explanation. Your friendship has ended so just keep living your life. Just because someones in your social circle doesn't mean you cant block them. Facebook is for keeping in touch with friends/family, shes neither so you can block her. When you're both at party, you're just two people in the same building. I'm sure you don't talk to everyone there or dance with everyone, etc. You don't have to give her the cold shoulder, going so far out of your way to avoid her is petty and gives her power. Just acknowledge her and have fun, don't even think about her. Just tell your friends you've grown apart and there's no need for them to feel uncomfortable being friends with both of you, but you'd prefer to not hang out with her. They should understand and not pry. If she has been talking about you to them they'll realize its made up if you just be mature about this. Don't talk about her, don't defend yourself. Just live your life as usual and she'll move on too.
lcrox07 lcrox07 5 years
it could just be that she has the really bad habit of holding grudges. My advice is to actually talk to her. Call her, message her on FB, whatever you have to do. Tell her how this is silly and awkward for both of you.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
We don't always get an explanation. Live your life, hang with your friends, let them know you value them, and you're unhappy about losing her, but you don't know why it happened. Hopefully, if they are good friends, they won't feel the need to take sides. And if you feel uncomfortable about her, which you do, then of course you can block her on fb. It's just fb. And if people ask what's going on, tell them just that she dumped you as a friend and you don't know why. Don't speculate, if you have not idea, then say you have no idea. If you don't want to loose your friends, then don't. If you haven't done anything wrong, then there's no reason to act differently, or to avoid parties, activities. Be polite. But you also are not required to act as if nothing is wrong around her. Just because you're at the same gig doesn't mean you have to throw and arm around her, and it doesn't mean you need to leave the room. Go for the middel ground. It's a hard situation, but if you're not guilty of anything, then don't act like you are. Don't sacrifice your friends or your social life because she is having a difficult issue. Who knows, maybe some day you'll find out what happened. good luck, blessed be
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