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Best Friend and Brother Are Dating

Group Therapy: Brother and Best Friend Want to Date

This question is from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My best friend and my brother are deciding to date. They have been talking on the phone nonstop lately and texting. It has been really bothering me. She didn't even ask my approval or anything. She's been distant and very different since all this has been happening. What should I do?

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sara1bara315 sara1bara315 4 years
This happened to me a year ago and they are still together it is def one of the hardest things I've been through. I was friends with her for 14 years and I was very close with my brother. A month after my brother broke up with a girl he was with for 12 years my friend and him started dating behind my back after telling her he's off limits. Being friends for so long and being by her side all the time should have more respect. It's not about approval but the respect and thought for your friends feelings. It's so hard to lose someone in my family (brothers ex) and then this happen to me. I have no trust in them anymore. I can't share thing with them or vis versa It's just heartbreaking.
f0ilman f0ilman 6 years
Penniey our situations are unbelievably similiar. Best friends for 6 years, i helped her though 3 failed long term relationships, and now after all this time they decide they like each other. I lived with her for almost all of that time, and only recently has she moved out due to the 3rd failed relationship (we were living with her bf at the time and she needed to get out). We were planning on moving back in together in a few months when my current lease expires, but i dont know whats going to happen now. "I feel that my brother invaded my personal space that I shared with my best friend and my friend intruded my family ties. I have shared all my feelings and deepest desires with my best friend and so has she, but with my brother coming in the picture I wouldn't be able to share the things with her which I don't want my brother to know." This is exactly how i feel about it too. I feel like we are not being unreasonable here like alot of people are implying by saying that its none of our business or we really were a good friend/brother that we should just be happy for them. Well im not happy, i feel completely invaded. I understand the argument that you can't decide who you have feelings for but i mean, have you ever had feelings for someone you cant have? It sucks, but you get over it. Shes an attractive girl, she has a very easy time finding partners. ClareLeanne and idkidkidk i also understand how you feel. She has been constantly lying to me - maybe not on purpose, but one minute she says i mean too much to her to let this ruin our friendship, the next minute shes inviting him over and feeding me all sorts of crap. I saw her for the first time in a week yesterday and she told me that she'd never go out with him and she wants to be single and basically sleep around, but i feel like that is also a lie. What makes this even more awkward is that im currently living with my brother, and he knows how unhappy i am with the situation. I just avoid him. It's been so hard and i still am completely uncertain about what is going to happen.
chessy chessy 6 years
that is happening to me right now.. but my so called friend used me to get to my brother..but be4 they like eachother she told me about all the guys she hook up and is still at her work with and she has a baby.. so yesterday i told my brother everything about her and he got mad at me. but my brother is cheating on her too.. but she is the type of girl to keep a guy will trap him and get pregnant. so i warn him... but now i am staying out of it.. but i wanna tell her just like your cheating on my brother he is cheating on u B*tch and if you were my friend you should of told me i would of told you about how he is.. but she didnt so i will never talk to her again
idkidkidk idkidkidk 6 years
I am going through the same exact thing. It is one of the worst thing ever! My best friend has been dating my brother on and off for about a year now. She lies to me about it constantly. She said she wouldn't do it if I wans't ok with it. Anyways they dated and he broke up with her for his own reasons. But she went crawling right back to him even after I told her how much I didn't like it. It makes me feel like she doesn't care about my feelings. I want to be happy for her, and I want her to be happy... I just can't!
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
"The term approval is a bit harsh, but I do agree that you should talk to both of them." --> I agree. I am reminded of a woman who posted here some time ago about how she hated her sister's finacee. We don't have the right to tell them we approve or disapprove, but we do have the right to let them that we will not be supportive when problems start (if that is how we feel).
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Talk to her without getting mad. Maybe they feel awkward because they don't know what you think about it. I agree with GlowingMoon, don't pretend you don't notice :) It's actually none of your business whom your brother and bff date, but yes, if they broke up, it can get messy, so you probably want to have a heart-to-heart chat with your bff just in case and when you guys are ready. This reminds me of HS. My best friend's brother asked me out and I said 'yes,' and we went out once, it turned out that she never thought highly of me and was just super cruel about the whole thing LOL.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Truthfully, I think it's okay to gently approach her and your brother about it. Don't pretend you don't notice, as that's being fake. As your best friend and brother, they have some obligation to admit (or deny) that there's something going on between them to you, in my opinion. You have a relationship with both of them, and if they have a budding romance, it would be somewhat part of your life, too. So I think you have a right to know. JMHO.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
What you should do? Be happy two people you're close to like each other that much. You have no right to decide over who your friends or your siblings date.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I would feel so awkward if this happened to me. There's so much relationship talk that two girlfriends couldn't go into if one of the boyfriends was a brother. Difficulty discussing a problem in the relationship/difficulty giving advice, no sex talk, etc. So, OP, I understand your feeling of strangeness. I would undoubtedly feel very awkward in a similar situation. But "approval" is a bad word to use. I think you should sit down with your friend and lend her your support for this relationship, however, also talk about some boundaries as far as your friendship and their relationship goes (like Joe already advised). I think you should have a similar talk with your brother.
brindey brindey 7 years
How about you talk openly with her about it. This isn't about you- its about them. Get excited with her, be supportive. Be a friend. She is probably distancing herself because she feels your cloud of disapproval. I sure do.
hausfrau hausfrau 7 years
I went through this and my best friend ended up dumping my brother in a really mean way, like just stopped calling. We're no longer friends and I don't think I can ever forgive her. So I would ask your best friend what her plan is if it's not working out. I wouldnt care if my ex bff wanted to break up with him, but she could have been respectful.
Desi816 Desi816 7 years
I agreed completly with Joe. Also you should talked to your brother about it too. Ask them questions about what they like about one another and so forth. My brother has been dating my best friend for 9 years now On and Off but still they are perfectly happy And have a 2 year old son together. My bro is 21 n my best friend is 19. All that should matter to you is that they are happy and you dont get into the middle of a fight they may have. I honestly love that my bro n bff are together. Wouldn't you rather like/love your brothers girlfriend than hate her guts? Would you rather have someone you can trust or someone you know nothing about...
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
I don't think she has to ask your approval. But you and her do need to sit down and talk about it. Especially, the two of you need to talk about what you are going to do when they have a big fight (so that you don't get dragged into it). Also, the two of you have to talk about what your relationship with her is going to be if and when they ever break up. (As we know, that most likely will happen.) Two mature people can sit down and talk about these things. Is she mature enough to have such a discussion?
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