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Boundaries With a Guy Friend

"Did I Overreact to My Ex's Comments?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Admittedly, I don't have a lot of guy friends. I'm not really sure of normal guy behavior unless they are trying to date me. I've been talking to an ex for a few months now and I don't think either of us are really sure what's going on between us, but we are both going with it. We've never had a talk about what's happening, but I'm a big fan of labels and boundaries and until we have that talk, we are strictly friends. We generally have really fun, flirty conversations that last for hours, and we hang out every once in a while. We are both pretty open people sexually and have a similarly dirty sense of humor, so sometimes we'll touch on our sex lives, but we don't mention anything too deep or intimate.

Last night he was very drunk and started texting me. We were having a normal, banter-filled conversation about politics that suddenly turned into a conversation about a girl he had sex with one time 10 years ago. He started going into vivid detail. It was not a general thing. He was giving me the total play by play. I interjected and asked him to slow down on the details and made a joke that we aren't that close of friends to be sharing all that. That just egged him on and he kept going further and further, so I got a little more straight up about it and told him he was making me uncomfortable. He acted like I was crazy. I told him there are three types of people I'm comfortable hearing that much detail from: a guy I'm sleeping with, a guy I want to sleep with, or my best girl friends.


Turns out, he may have been a bit upset about a story I told him last week about a crazy guy I was kind of seeing. Sex was mentioned during my story, but it was just a small part of a bigger story — definitely not the focus and there were no details mentioned. But his text read "You can talk about a guy you slept with LAST WEEK but I can't talk about 10 years ago?!?!?"

The conversation ended on an okay note and we both said good night to each other, so I don't think either of us are really angry about it. Still, I'm wondering if I overreacted? Is this normal guy behavior towards a female friend, or am I right in thinking it's a little inappropriate? I feel a little disrespected that he thinks I'm a girl that he can talk to like that just because we've been chatting for a few months. That level of intimate conversation actually requires some intimacy in my opinion. Am I being a diva here?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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