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Boyfriend Avoids Talking About Past

Group Therapy: Why Does My Boyfriend Avoid Talking About My Past Depression and Anxiety?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hi everyone! This is not really a problem that I am having, but rather something that makes me wonder why it is. I am a very happy and successful 27-year-old woman, and yes, I am mentally stable. At least now I am. I have however had some psychological issues in the past, i.e. I have experienced episodes of depression and anxiety. So far this has only occurred to me three times in over seven years, with two depressive episodes being rather easy to get through. One episode was quite severe, including extreme weight loss and suicidal thoughts (please note, I never attempted or really considered it — I just could not walk over a bridge without thinking about jumping because I was so sad). The first two episodes resulted from ending up extremely disappointed in myself because I lost something (a job, a man) — in both cases I was to blame. The third episode, two years ago, occurred when I was having a stressful (but also fulfilling!) time at university, I was overworked, some new girlfriends at university all of the sudden decided to start a b*tch war on me, and also my boyfriend had gone overseas for a couple of months. That time it was rather an anxiety episode I went to get help and was actually fine after only three sessions with a psychotherapist. I was never on any medication and it never really affected anyone else — I am one of the lucky ones, only suffering from a lighter depression so far, I guess.

I have been fine for a long time now, but I had to realize that my boyfriend simply isn't interested in knowing anything in detail about my past struggles. He has known me for a longer time but has only been with me through the last episode. To be exact: he was overseas during that time, and I only told him briefly on the phone. He never asked me about it back then, and never after he came back home. I don't really need to talk to about all of it with him (because I worked this out by myself and only with the therapist, and I am fine now), but it nevertheless is a defining aspect of my life. I feel like I survived something horrible once or twice, I am aware that it could happen again, and I am prepared to fight again. A couple of months ago there was a situation when we could have talked about it. I basically offered to tell him what I experienced in detail, but he never went into it. When I asked him why he never asked, he simply said that he didn't because he thought I didn't want to talk in the first place. The conversation died down then, and I didn't press the subject. I am not hurt by that, but very curious.


Why do you think he acts like this? He's certainly not the type who thinks people with mental problems are lunatics, though . . .

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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