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Boyfriend With Bad Manners

Group Therapy: Are Bad Manners a Deal Breaker?

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am 23 (almost 24). My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year, and he has bad manners. He chews with his mouth open/talks with his mouth full, and has been doing this almost the entire time we've been dating.

I have been patiently putting up with it. I talk to him about it over, and over. Each time we go out to eat, he does it again, and each time I talk to him he gives the same old excuse "That's why I push the food to the side of my mouth, so I can still talk." I have told him over, and over that I hate that behavior, and it drives me nuts but he still does it.


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glamorzon24 glamorzon24 6 years
To everyone who commented. Thank you for your comments. It has really helped me. I know some of you mentioned about me not saying anything nice about him. I am sorry for that because, when I wrote it I was frustrated with him, and I forgot to list some. He does have some good qualities. He is a very loving, caring, honest and sensitive man. He treats me like a princess, tells me all the time that he loves me, how special I am, and how blessed he is to be with me. He is a hard worker, and has a job as a dish washer (which in his area is basicly the only job he could find), and is now planning on going to school for Criminal Justice to study law enforcement in hopes to become a police officer someday. He loves to cook. He loves being outdoors. He loves children, and hopes to one day marry, settle down and have a family. I just don't believe I am the one for him to be with. His manners are terrible, and everytime we go out to eat and I have to constantly tell him not to talk with his mouth full or chew with his mouth closed it is so embarrassing. People keep telling me to hang in there, things will get better, and he'll change. I know he said he believes in change and that it's good but, from my prospetive I haven't seen it yet. Also, there are a lot of times when I've felt like he's acting clingy/needy. Also, It really bothers me that he hangouts with girls he knows who he's friends with even if they already have boyfriends. I talked to him about it, and he said they're the only 2 friends that he has left in his town because a lot of others have moved away. I know he would love to be with me forever, and spend his life with me. I just don't feel like he's the one. I am moving soon to a different state, he was very sad about that because he can't afford to move with me. He did ask me to wait for him but, when I asked how long he would be he said he didn't know but, an estimate of 2 or 3 years. I know he would like to me to wait for him but, to me that seems like a long time to wait. Am I being to hasty? Is that too long or a wait? should I try and wait??
ScaredCanada ScaredCanada 6 years listed all his negatives and no positives. Ask yourself why you are with him? Seems like you think you know you can do better so why are you with a guy that has no goals and caveman table manners? What is good about him? Does he meet any of your long term goals in life or is he just fun for now? And yes, Do not make a list.....this is mean. I wouldnt like someone to make a list about me.
daniland daniland 6 years
You didnt really say anything positive about him...regardless, if you cant accept the way a person is at the moment, then move on. Its only going to be draining for the both of you if youre hoping to change the other. One of the most insulting conversations I had with my ex was when I asked him why he even embarked on a relationship with me if a certain thing about me bothered him so bad? He replied "I thought you would change". That relationship fell apart big time, for the better its clear in hind sight. Hopefully just writing your post was theraputic for you, its just so clear you would be happier with someone that had more class, something of no concern to him. If not this, something Im sure will come up to put an end to you guys, whatever it may be.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Whatever you had that brought you together, it isn't enough to KEEP you together. You've outgrown this relationship, and I agree with the others, you need to move on and both find people more compatible with your goals in life.
JustAStar01 JustAStar01 6 years
A lot of boys are like this, my boyfriends the same and it used to really irritate me. All his little habbits are what make him, him. so to speak. as long as he's not making a right prat of himself infront of the public eye and really embarrasing you, then i wouldnt really worry. maybe theres little habbits u have that he doesn't like etc. theres just some things that have to be accepted, am sure its just a habbit and habbits are hard to break.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
I agree with most comments. He is who he is, and you are who you are. In the long run, things will not be able to progress. It is better to do what makes you happy.
vmruby vmruby 6 years
You haven't said anything positive about this guy so why are you with him in the first place ? It seems like he has no direction in his life and you do, so unless you intend on wasting your life dealing with his issues I'd say it's time you moved on......
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
MOVE ON, so both of you can find people who are more compatible. You guys are completely incompatible and these issues will not go away because he is who he is and you are who you are.
karlotta karlotta 6 years
PLEASE DON'T MAKE A LIST OF HIS "FLAWS" AND PRESENT IT TO HIM! That's horrible! He is who he is, and there's nothing terrible about it - he sounds like a nice guy, and his lack of manners and ambition are not something he needs to change - they're just proof you guys are not compatible. He'll meet a lovely girl with the same kind of upbringing and expectations and they'll make each other happy. You're just going to destroy his self-esteem if you present those things to him as shortcomings, when they are just differences in dealing with life. You should move on, even if you are attached to him - I think in the long term you could do some serious damage to his self-esteem and that's just not right. Let him go, thank him for the lovely time you had together, and find someone who is more compatible with you.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
You need to speak up. Ask him if he was born in a barn next time you go out to eat. Based on his education you'll have to explain what that question means. Table manners can change. As for you other concerns I doubt there's anything you about it so you'll have to decide that for yourself.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
Having read the rest of your post, I think you should bail. Bad manners is the LEAST of his vices. You've already dated him for a year -- leave before you waste any more time. JMHO.
marcied23 marcied23 6 years
^^^haha, at studio16, might want to take her advice, honestly you've said nothing here that makes it seem possible for you to work out your differences. talking with food in your mouth, i guess I get that, but living at home with mommy and your only dream is to make minimum wage so you can get some cheap apartment? well i hope he enjoys spending times with the vagrants on the front stoop or having some type of drug addled girlfriend b/c i don't see anyone with a sound mind willingly going into that!
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
Run. But before you put those Nikes on, toss a copy of Emily Post his way.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I wouldn't say the lack of manners is what's going to get the best of the relationship. However, the difference in ambition will. His lack of drive and your need for it are going to send the two of you in different directions because you have essential priority differences.
maebryan maebryan 6 years
My dad used to tell me, "If you can't change the person, change the person." It sounds like you are finding many faults with this guy...manners, class, job and ambition (or lack thereof) - so why are you with him? I think if you've already made it clear to him that all of these things bother you and he hasn't changed, then he isn't going to change. So just ask yourself - can you deal with it, or do you need to find someone new? Stop trying to convince yourself that you might be able to change him.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
You've said absolutely nothing nice about this guy. What are you asking us for?
starbucks2 starbucks2 6 years
Think about him raising your kids in that way. Do you want that? No. And he won't change because he sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. You don't seem to have a lot of respect for him and that is fundamental to a good relationship. Move on, he's not the one. And deep inside you know that!
imLissy imLissy 6 years
You're on his case about manors and you use an @ to replace the word at? I don't get that. Doesn't it take you just as long to hit shift+2 as to actually write out the word? Sorry, but I found that super bizarre. You didn't give one reason why you want to stay with him. Do you love him? Do you think he's the one? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like his goals are the complete opposite of yours and if you stay with him you'll wind up hating him.
pillowchats pillowchats 6 years
Bad habits are hard to break. But when he's not even making an attempt to change it, that's usually a bad sign. It may be a small issue now but it could grow into a larger one that will affect how you guys progress in your careers and lives. You can either do something annoying that really bothers him to see if he understands your perspective or you can try talking to him about how it really bothers you and you want to grow together. If he still doesn't make changes then you have to decide if you are going to live with this or not.
French-Kiss French-Kiss 6 years
Humm, i saw on this site than men don't change. So if you just can't bear it, maybe you just should give up on him... =/ Not that i like to say it.
GregS GregS 6 years
There's a fundamental disconnect between you two. You're ready to take on the world and try to make a positive impact upon it, and he could care less (apparently). While it's nice to have the carefree attitude and to allow the world to spin without you, if your partner (you) aren't there with them, there's eventually a large separation. His bad manners can be solved with his training, but I don't see why you'd want to put the effort into him. You two don't have a common foundation from what you've said.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
You have completely different goal ie. you want to do something with your life and he wants to stay with mommy. Definately move on. It will only get worse.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 6 years
It's been a year if he hasn't changed his behavior by now I doubt he is going to do it anytime soon. A person can't really change unless they want to and I get from your post that he doesn't want to change. I think you need to end it and start a relationship with someone who has the same manners and life goals as you do.
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