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Boyfriend Compares Me to Porn Stars

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Compares Me to Porn Stars

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend has always been a bit critical of me in several aspects. But he'd never given me anything but praise sexually. That is, until now. You see, he has a new job and because of that we have less time for each other, and of course, that means less time for sex. But when we see each other we have a LOT of sex. And I'm no prude, I'm up for anything he wants (except threesomes). So I always do my best to pleasure him.

Last week things were a bit rocky and we didn't see each other much. But when we hung out during the weekend, we almost had sex and nothing else. So today when he complained that I didn't make enough of an effort to pleasure him, you can imagine how hurt I felt. I would get it if it was my job taking up more time, but it's not. I would get it if I turned down sex all the time, but I don't. I would even get it if I only wanted vanilla sex, but I don't! I would get if I acted as if sex is a chore, but I DON'T!

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He also said that because of it, he's been watching porn. Which is another issue I have . . . you see I'm not very confident in my body (ugly face, small boobs and cellulite), and I remember when I asked him what he thought about porn stars compared to normal women, and he said of course porn stars are hotter. I asked him if he thought they were hotter than me and he said yes. He's also made some comments about my small boobs and cellulite without being asked. So to me, yes it's a bit of an issue. I know some of you don't mind porn at all in a relationship, and I guess I'd be more flexible if he hadn't been such an ass about the topic before. I also know for a fact that since he's the very jealous type, he'd be pretty angry if I got off to other men and if I told him that they are hotter than him (which I don't because in all honesty porn does nothing for me).

Keep reading to help this girl out with your advice!

He said that unless I make more of an effort to pleasure him, he will keep watching a lot of porn. I, on the other hand, feel so unattractive right now that the last thing I feel like doing is having sex with him. It made me feel so bad that I even felt like following my workout regime is pointless since I'll never look as good as a porn star. I mean, I'm not overweight or anything, but I thought it'd be nice to have more of an athletic look, and realistically I know that by working out my cellulite won't disappear and my boobs will probably only get smaller, but I thought I'd look better with a flat abdomen. And now I feel like it's all pointless since that won't make me better looking than them. They may only be on a screen, but they're actual women. And I will never look like them.

I also feel like why should I bother giving him more sex if what I give him now is not enough? I'm so angry at him right now for telling me I don't make enough of an effort to please him, and because he doesn't give a d*** about how I'm feeling right now, that I don't think he deserves that I make MORE of an effort sexually. I don't know. I even feel like breaking up with him. But now I feel like a really mediocre lay with an awful body. How can I make myself feel better? I'm 22, this is probably the hottest I'll ever be. And that's not good enough, apparently.

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Join The Conversation
ThePrettiLady ThePrettiLady 5 years
Dump this loser, ASAP. No true, loving boyfriend would say these things. And if you're going to lose weight, do it for yourself.
Pamela1986 Pamela1986 6 years
Worst boyfriend ever.
bubbadave bubbadave 6 years
Humankind is a species that is into comparisons. I am sorry your idiot man compares you to others. If you are the vindictive type you might compare his Johnson to others seen or watched in movies. If you are not (and I hope you are not), explain to him these are what you were issued at puberty and if they are not good enough for him, f*&k off because this is what you won't get anymore of. If you don't get a really great affirmative answer, find a man who will appreciate you as you are.
julesinflats julesinflats 6 years
dump him !!
jgrd jgrd 6 years
I'm confused. Why are you with this guy?
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
why are you describing yourself in such an ugly way? don't do that! and get rid of this guy. if you want to make it hurt when you leave him, let him know how he compares to male porn stars; he's on the small side and can't last long enough to please you. oh, and you were faking. he sucks in bed.
dawnierose dawnierose 6 years
Oh honey. You deserve someone who will cherish you. And this guy isn't it. Sorry. I'm sure you love him, but consider being alone for a little while, learn to love yourself and then find the person who loves you almost as you love yourself! You are beautiful. Don't let anyone make your feel otherwise. Best of luck!!!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Hahahaha @ Pistil. I agree. You should let him know that his non porn star penis is just not good enough for you and therefore you can no longer be in a relationship with him. The guy is a douche, dump him.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 6 years
Oh man. I LOL-ed @ Pistil ^.
Ryah-Cooley Ryah-Cooley 6 years
This guy is a loser. You need to dump him ASAP. It's not always smart to ask "Am I hotter than so and so?" But if you were with a guy who truly loved you he would answer "Of course honey, I think you're the hottest girl ever."
Pistil Pistil 6 years
Tell him you can't be satisfied without a porn star size penis.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 6 years
Wow, ASSHOLE!! I've been there, and would never subject myself to being treated this way ever again. A boyfriend who loves you will make you feel good about the things you are insecure about, mine is always telling me how much he likes my small boobs since he knows I am self conscious about them. All these problems will go away when you dump this guy, he's so not worth your time.
pink-elephant pink-elephant 6 years
Honey, don't just walk...RUN! As far as your legs can carry you away from this guy before he does any more damage to your self-esteem! Two things made me sad while reading your post; (1) your boyfriends degrading remarks, criticisms and unrealistic expectations of you and, (2) your own harsh criticisms of yourself. Seriously? "ugly"?! C'mon! To this reader, the healthiest thing for you right now, (aside from leaving this doofus in the dirt, literally) would be to seriously focus on all the positive and beautiful sides of yourself. They might be a kind and loving personality, a warm smile, beautiful eyes/skin/hair/lips etc. Then when you're ready, Look for that special someone who sees that beauty in you and actually makes you feel loved. For you, not some standard. Good luck, hon! :)
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Agree with stephley. Some guys are just insensitive assholes, just like some women are. Although I don't think any decent person deserves to be treated like this, I think your low self-esteem about your appearance is keeping you from actually seeing what a jerk he is. You basically are agreeing with him and taking it without realizing how abnormally hurtful his behavior is. I would personally bail, work on your self-esteem, and leave him with his inflatable fuck dolls. You will be happier in the long run.
stephley stephley 6 years
This needs to be highlighted: "I also know for a fact that since he's the very jealous type" because when you factor that in with his being cruelly insensitive and demanding, you've got a potentially dangerous situation brewing. Dump him. You'll find that despite 'the nature of men' is, it is possible to find a guy who is respectful, supportive and even kind. This guy sounds like an OJ in training.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
You asked him the question, and because you have such a low opinion of yoursef (ugly face, cellulite, small boobs) your boyfriend probably hears that all the time and I dont doubt he said the porn stars were hotter, because you dont make him see you as beautiful. You set yourself up for this, dont blame him.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 6 years
I agree with everyone above me. This guy sounds like a selfish ass who's completely lacking the maturity necessary to be in a relationship. Find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve!!
lcrox07 lcrox07 6 years
You need to leave him, point blank. Leave his ass. I was in the same situation as you. Faster than I expected, I was swept off my feet by a guy 10 times hotter than him, more respectful, more put together, who loved everything about me. Leave, don't turn back. Walk away from what's bad from you.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 6 years
It's fine for men to watch porn, but he's taking it too far. I think, he believes that telling you these things will NOT make you feel less sure of yourself, but that you will work harder to look like them, and that in itself is degrading to you, and completely unfair. You need to ditch this loser and let him revel in his ridiculous porn fantasies. He's obviously got standards that are unrealistically high, and is only keeping you around because you LET him have his way with you. I know it will be hard, but you need to get yourself out of there, and find a man who is willing to love you because of who you are, not critisize you for all the hard work you put into your relationship. This guy needs to read a few relationship books and learn to be a better boyfriend, and put the porn down for a while. Also: don't ever think that 22 is the hottest you'll ever be. You're as hot as you believe you are, and the older you get, the more attractive you'll be. It's just too bad your soon-to-be-ex (hopefully) will be missing out.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 6 years
I'm sorry honey but your boyfriend is an ass. Blaming you for not pleasuring him enough and "pushing" him to watch porn? Seriously?? Complaining about your body? Does he think he's so perfect? Your low self-esteem is making you take all this abuse because you think he might be right, but he's not! It's like your sexual life all depends on you and what you'll do for him. What does he ever do for you? This guy will never make you happy just because he doesn't care about you and your feelings. The problem is not you, you did everything you could, but it's never gonna be enough for him to fill his expectations (that are too high and unrealistic). I think you should break up with him and find someone who loves you for who you are.
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