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Boyfriend Disapproves of Lesbian Friends

Group Therapy: Dating a Man Who Disapproves of My Lifestyle

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been dating this guy for about 2 months. We have yet to be intimate, but we have fooled around. I feel as if he is judging me. Reason being, he asked how many partners I have been with, disapproves of my best friend (because she is a lesbian), disapproves of me hanging out at lesbian bars and clubs, and was not OK with me going to a once a year erotic poetry screening.

I'm obviously straight if I am dating him. I have been reassuring him, but I don't know how much more I should explain to him? He is beginning to distance himself and I don't know what to do.


Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
He's given you a good idea already of what a relationship with him will be like. And it's not good. Drop him now so you can find an open minded and non controlling guy.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 6 years
Most guys like girls who are into other girls, and although you mentioned you're straight, taking him to a lesbian bar could change things for him. I mean, as mentioned, it's only been 2 months. I think there's still room for you to learn more about him, and maybe why he's acting this way. He deserves a little bit of lee-way since it's only been 8 weeks, but if you still encounter this a month or so from now, maybe you should reconsider your decision with this guy. You need to make sure he knows that you're giving him a chance to open up to you, but if he isn't willing to, then yes. Dealbreaker.
ag2809 ag2809 6 years
It sounds as though you don't share the same values, which should be a dealbreaker.
jauntycap jauntycap 6 years
I took my fiance out dancing to a gay bar on our first date because I wanted to know right away if he was a homophobe, which is a total deal breaker for me. I approve of your lifestyle and we're not even dating. Let him go and look for a guy who shares your values.
karlotta karlotta 6 years
I don't understand why YOU haven't distanced yourself from this guy who clearly isn't the right guy for you. And who sounds homophobic, too. YUCK.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 6 years
Get out of this relationship and find someone who deserves you. A good boyfriend will appreciate everything about you and allow you to continue to explore your interests.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Dump him. Seriously.
countchocula countchocula 6 years
The fact that he's distancing himself is a good thing. You don't want that kind of negativity in your life.
PontNeuf PontNeuf 6 years
Leave. This guy is a douche.
mixedpie mixedpie 6 years
If he doesn't support you or the things you enjoy to do with your time, he's not worth you, especially if you've been dating for a few months and he still hasn't warmed up to any of it. I suggest finding someone more in tune or at least accepting of your interests. Doesn't sound like a good match. :(
shreerose shreerose 6 years
Dump him. There are people out there that WILL approve.
whats-her-name whats-her-name 6 years
It sounds like he's threatened by your sexuality (straight or not). If he was secure in his own, he wouldn't bothered by your lifestyle. You may want to consider how this relationship will work in the long run, if all this is unfolding only two months into it.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
Time for a new boyfriend. Because he is controlling, be prepared for him to have trouble letting go. But he's already shown you who he is.
juicebox07 juicebox07 6 years
It sounds like he doesn't approve of gays/lesbians. Obviously since your best friend is a lesbian, and you like to hang out at lesbian/gay bars, I really doubt you can make things work with him. He is going to resent you for doing these things that he doesn't like, and you will end up resenting him for giving you a hard time about it. I really think this relationship is doomed. The good thing is it's only 2 months in, so it's not super serious yet. You need to move on and find someone who approves of your lifestyle and who you are.
Shadowcat14 Shadowcat14 6 years
drop him. you don't need him disapproving of your lifestyle.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP, You have allowed yourself to become emotionally attached to someone who, quite frankly, will not accept you as you are. I'm afraid you have move on, unless he is willing to change, which I do not think will happen. Next time, please get to know a man's faults before you become emotionally attached to him, not after. If you need advice on how to do this, please do not hesitate to ask.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
Being curious about your past is one thing and you might be able to work through it and get him to respect your privacy, also I think he might warm up to the idea of erotic poetry after a while. But homophobia is incurable. You should lose this one asap.
zabrow zabrow 6 years
DTMFA. you've only been dating him for two months & he's already proving himself to be a controlling bigoted jerk.
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