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Boyfriend Mad For Going on Vacation With Friends

Group Therapy: Is It Wrong to Go on Vacation Without Him?

This question is an excerpt from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Is it wrong to go on a trip when your boyfriend doesn't want you to? I have a trip planned with some friends and he thinks it is stupid because it is a celebrity cruise. I told him about the trip before I purchased it and I knew he wasn't happy. I was debating on even telling him at first because it is a little ways away still. But I was honest and told him my intentions. He wasn't happy, but said that I could do what I wanted because we weren't married. Well it's a different story today. He's mad today because I knew how he felt and still did it, so now I'm selfish and am wasting money, which is my money. I'm not trying to hurt him at all by going on this trip, but to me it is just a fun time with my friends, who I don't get to spend that much time with anymore. He says he trusts me but I should listen to him and when I make choices like this, it makes him question our future together. He said that he won't break up with me over it, but he isn't happy. He also said that I should be going on trips with him, not my friends. I just want to do something for myself! I don't think it is a crime, but maybe it is? My friends that are going are all married and their husbands aren't throwing a fit over it.  I don't know what to do?

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insansi insansi 4 years
Yeah, you probably went but for the future reference i'd like to advise people to approach it that way; ask yourself if you would be happy about him going on a cruise with his friends and restraining himself with no cell phone reception and a dollar/minute slow wi-fi connection and if the answer is "not at all", go ahead and do it. But be aware you won't be talking/messaging almost at all. It's a ship with all sorts of people and alcohol goes together. Even if you trust your boyfriend regardless of what, would you be happy about him drinking next to hot young college girls or have casual conversations with women looking for an encounter to have some fun? If your answer is yes, then your idea of having a relationship is not really healthy. People often like to be claimed a little bit by their significant others. And regarding to the answers saying it's your money, yes it's your money. That doesn't supposed to make you act irresponsible and act selfish. If you don't want to share interests and act according to his convenience, then break up with him, it suits the best. In fact you will find someone that you can't even think of leaving alone for a week, I promise. It'll work the best for you. Acting for your own self is not suitable all the time in a relationship.
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
I have no idea what you're talking about, Gregs, nor why I should time out....
blooditsnotfunny blooditsnotfunny 7 years
"He wasn't happy, but said that I could do what I wanted because we weren't married." Which really means-- when and if you get married, he expects to have total control over your actions. "I don't think it is a crime, but maybe it is?" He's making you question your judgment, which is manipulation 101. Run for the hills! This is not the right guy for you!
GregS GregS 7 years
MissSushi: Time out a sec... I'm on her side on this. She should go. The point I was trying to make is that THEY are not married, so there's no intrinsic "we" involved in the equasion. He is trying to control her, but when you get right down to it, he has nothing to back it up unless she gives that control to him. She hasn't done it - and I think most of us here would say she should NOT do that. It's HER money. She's going to be with married women on this cruise. Maybe - maybe - if she were going with mostly men and a few women all or most of whom were single, and they were in a committed relationship, then he would have a basis for complaint. Not in this case. IMHO.
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
to #15 the red flags to me here aren't that he's disapointed about her going on a trip without him. It's how hes treating her, how he is belittling her in attempt to force her to change her decision to suit himself. I can honestly say if my husband and his friends had gotten a trip planned out, I would be a little envious both that hes going with them and that hes going at all. But I would remain upbeat, support him going, and welcome him back. I would do this because that envy is MY issue, not his. He absolutely should be able to have personal time with his friends within reason, we all should, and I should support that. Just as the posters bf should support her. I also think personal time shouldn't be analyzed in terms of preferring friends over your so. It's good to spread your time between all of the aspects of your life and the people in it.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
I can't stand it when couples are attached at the waist. It is YOUR money and if you want to go on a trip with your friends, GO. Your boyfriend is a whiny b!tch. I also think he is jealous because he is not going. Everyone is dead on right when they say that if he is this controlling about how you spend YOUR money, it will be 10 times worse if you marry him and the finances are shared. You will have to account for every penny you spend, trust me, and if it isn't "worthwhile" to him, you will hear about it in spades. I would also ask yourself why you would rather go on this cruise with your friends and not him.....do you just need friend time, or is there another reason? If he is like this alot, I don't blame you for not wanting to spend a week on a ship with him.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 7 years
I remember a similar post once when a girl was complaining about her boyfriend wanting to take a trip with his friends and not bring her along at all and she wanted to go and just not interfere with what they were doing but just be there. Anyways, I don't know if I really blame him given what people tend to do on vacation sometimes. How would you honestly feel if he wanted to go on vacation with a large group of guys to a party place and you couldn't go? Granted he shouldn't throw a tantrum but I get why he's uncomfortable. Is he always like this even when you just go out for a night out with girlfriends or has it been this one time? It's up to you what to do but I think a lot of people need to look at what would happen if the tables were turned.
MissSushi MissSushi 7 years
I'm going to have to agree that he's over the top controlling, saying he didn't want you to go and then freaking out when you went anyway despite the fact that it's well within your finances and interests to go. He doesn't trust you and he WILL get more and more controlling. As time goes on, espeically if you were to marry, he will lay down the law with varying degrees of manipulation, guilt,etc. I've lived this, and it's horrible. Go on your trip and enjoy yourself, and think about his reaction seriously. By saying you're selfish and wasting money on a stupid trip, he's belittling you and the things that are important to you.
GregS GregS 7 years
Did he put a padlock on your collar or something? Unless you're into that kind of thing, he needs to lighten up. It sounds like he's very insecure in this relationship of yours. If he wants you to go on a trip with him, why hasn't he proposed one? He sounds to me like the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz - all bluff and no substance. That can be fine, but if so, you need to take control of the situation, because he doesn't have it (control). You do.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
He says he trusts me . No, he doesn't trust you. Run. Dump this guy and go enjoy your vacation. Adults do not tell other adults what they are and are now allowed to do. He's your boyfriend - not your father. What happens if you do marry him? Be VERY WARY of SOs who are controlling, especially about money and time.
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 7 years
If my boyfriend told me I couldn't go on a trip with my friends, I'd really question whether or not he was the right guy for me. It's your money, you can afford it, and based on the type of friends you're going with, I don't see much of a reason for him to be concerned... Just go and have fun. When you get back unscathed, hopefully he'll learn to trust more.
medenginer medenginer 7 years
It's your money and time so spend it the way you want. Don't care what he thinks or says. As long as your not doing something illegal or immoral he should be supportive. He should just build a bridge and get over it.
darc5204 darc5204 7 years
You can afford it and it's not a really foolish choice, right? Then go and do what you want to do with your friends! Only you can really judge whether he's concerned for practical reasons or just being manipulative..but it really sounds like the latter.
chequettex chequettex 7 years
I just got back from going on vacation without my husband, and I didn't think anything was wrong with it. I went with my family, and he was invited but didn't want to go. He doesn't mind me going on trips without him, he just doesn't want to be forced into going on trips he doesn't want to, so I let him be. Your boyfriend sounds a bit controlling if he already has a problem with you going on a trip without him and you're not even married. You're not out of line, he is. Unless, of course, he's tried to plan & invite you on trips and you have declined, but it doesn't seem like that's the case.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
He does sound controlling, because he outright told you what he wanted you to do and was mad that you didn't obey. That said, I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend went on a cruise without me. I would prefer we went on major vacations together, since we only have a certain amount of holidays per year and a certain amount of money that can be spent on travel. I may consider going on a big trip like this with my girlfriends, but I would ask him if he was okay with it, and if he didn't seem to be, I wouldn't go. However, I know he would never say no.
stephley stephley 7 years
Controlling much?
juicebox07 juicebox07 7 years
There is nothing wrong with you going on vacation without him. Sometimes it's good to just get away with family or friends without your boyfriend. My bf goes on trips without me, and I've gone on trips without him, and we've gone on trips together. We trust each other and know there is nothing to worry about. I'm planning to go to Cali next Summer with a girl friend of mine, and he's okay with it. You've paid for it, so go and enjoy yourself. Your boyfriend is probably jealous because he wants to go (who doesn't like going on trips?) but if he really cares about you, he'll get over it.
Venus1 Venus1 7 years
We all need our own space. I think everyone needs a break each year with their friends. Married or not he does not own you and in this case would not be interested in going. Of course you should get away with him too but that's another issue. Go! Enjoy the break and if he is worth it it will be great fun saying "hello" again when he gets back. If he is not worth it you have found out now. Best wishes! x
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Well, that's a precursor what your married life will be. :) IF you guys are going to get married. He's not going to be like your friends's husbands. Have you pointed out how all the hubs are fine with their wives going? The difference is, while he can't quite tell you or manipulate you into doing what he wants RIGHT NOW (b/c you guys haven't combined household and asset), when you're married, he's going to say that you can't go here or there or do this or that because it's a waste of BOTH OF YOUR money--and what you earn, he'll consider as his too (as most married people do, combine asset). And he'll hold on over your head how SELFISH you are even though you might be using money out of your separate bank account :) I dislike how he's asserting control and trying to manipulate you to not going by telling you that you're wasting money (BTW like you said: it's YOUR money, and it's NOT a waste of money when you know you'll ENJOY the trip). And yah, he does try to lay it on you pretty thick (guilt trip) so that you 1) cancel 2) really really not enjoy yourself--watch out, he may end up getting all annoyed and p1ssy like an insecure gf b/c you at one point didn't catch his call on time. It's still up to you though. You know the consequence, even B4 you ordered the ticket, but you do it anyway. And hey, good for you, it's about time I read about a girl who knows what she wants and won't let her bf change her mind. The same way I will not badmouth a bf who wants to go on vacation with his friends just because his insecure gf posted on this website and pouted about how he would disregard her feeling. Btw, how do you really feel about him? Do you really see him as marriage material? I'm curious if going on this trip for real makes him try to threaten you by postponing/perhaps cancelling any intention to marry you? If so, you know what to do. :) Good luck.
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