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Boyfriend Sending Dirty Texts About Other Women

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Sent Texts About "Hotties"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey guys. My boyfriend is training for a half-marathon. The other day I was on his phone and found a text he sent a friend. It said there were so many "hotties" on his route he thought his "head might explode" and that he "felt like a dirty old man." I should mention he is in his mid-30s and he runs on a college campus.

I don't know if this SHOULD or SHOULD NOT bother me, but it really does. It makes me feel really insecure — despite being an attractive woman. Now I constantly think he's checking out other women.


I told him I saw the text. He was very apologetic and said it was just a joke. We worked it out, but a couple days later I still find myself thinking about it. We have been dating about nine months and we live together.

How would y'all feel? What would you do?

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Join The Conversation
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Why were you on his phone? If you found a text it's because you were looking for something, and you found something. I think the problem is not his, but yours. What is causing your suspicions? Is it something he did? Or are your feeling a lack of self confidence? What is going on in your life? His comment is pretty typical of guy talk. And remeber that looking and touching are two different things. People don't stop noticing the opposite sex because they are in a commited relationship. Sounds to me like you are having a personal crisis on a small scale. So if he hasn't done something that caused you to go looking for evidence, then look to your self, your behaviors, your confidence, and give yourself a boost and a pep talk.
sagagirl sagagirl 5 years
It is natural to feel jealous about his text but that is the way men talk to each other. To be honest we do it with our girlfriends as well. He didn't say he was hooking up with anyone so no harm, no foul. Men are visual creatures and they are happy just to see attractive women. Forget about it and have some mind blowing sex with him.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
Don't peek into his phone, his email, his ANY account. It ruins relationships, and this is coming from experience. You're just lucky he didn't mention the invasion of his privacy. Besides this, everyone else is pretty on point. Don't worry about it because he's with you at the end of the day.
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Agree with others.
Mandana85 Mandana85 5 years
Don't worry. and plus If i were you, checking my bf's cellphone, i wouldn't tell him about it. it really messes with his confidence in you. as others said, guys do it all the time. I would say he is pretty decent for apologizing for it. 'cause you kinda spied on him ;)
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
We live in a world that is filled with people that are beautiful and attractive. Your boyfriend is not blind and neither are you. Don't worry about it. If he does things that cross the line into being straight up disrespectful then that's one thing. But you need to be more secure with yourself.
Ac2366 Ac2366 5 years
Agree with the others. You shouldn't go through his phone, period. Not everything is meant for you to see and the key to a good relationship is NOT knowing every little thing about each other. Everyone has a right to privacy.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 5 years
I understand where you're coming from however I agree with everybody else. I avoid rifling through a guys things for this very reason, I also avoid talking to guys about other girls etc. He did nothing wrong by keeping the raunchy talk between him and his bud-if he said it to you that would be a different story
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
I'd get over it. It's not like he was dirty texting a girl, or even talking about a specific girl, or even TRYING to talk to one of the girls. He just commented they were hot. Like the others, I'm sure you comment to your friends on hot guys. I know I do. I'll even say something to my boyfriend if I think a girl is really pretty. It all has to do with YOUR security. He is with you because he loves you, but he's not blind.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
It would miff me a little too, but a) you would probably say the same thing to a friend if there were a ton of gorgeous guys on your running route and b) regardless of whether being "on" his phone meant you had permission, he probably wouldn't be cool with you going through his texts. Let it go- I'd say it's just guys being guys.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
He's just being a guy. Guys look at girls. Guys talk to other guys about girls they look at. Don't tell me that when you're at the gym you don't notice the other guys there. Women just tend to be more discreet about it. If this is the only thing he's done to upset you, it sounds like you have some insecurity issues to deal with. And while he should be sensitive to that, your insecurity is your problem, not his. Don't push him away with it. You also might want to not go through his phone anymore. In this situation, I think he has more of a right to be upset than you.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I wouldn't stress over it. It's just guys being guys. Of course it's stupid, but even when I was married I would joke with girlfriends about hot guys we saw or worked with or whatever. I had absolutely zero intention of acting on any of it, it was just harmless fun. I think your guy was having a bit of raunchy fun. I would let it go.
Bellasupergirl Bellasupergirl 5 years
It would annoy me too, but honestly there's a high chance it's just man banter. Guys talk to each other liks pigs 9 out of 10 times unfortunately. And no matter where he goes, he's always goign to be checking other women out. It's not meaning he's looking at them as in he wants to cheat on you with any of them. All guys stare and guys will be guys. Don't let it make you insecure, it's harmless. Plus if it make syou feel any better, most of those 20 year old college girls will look at him like an old 30 year old. (I'm 32, so that's not an old joke - I just know mentality when I was in my 20's towards older guys was not the same) The texts are annoying yes, but harmless and pretty normal for the male species. Think of it this way...if the Australian rugby team was to run down the street shirtless, would you not take a second glance? And if you did, the odds of you telling one of your female friends about it is pretty high :) You may even snap a quick photo with your cell phone, or at least I would!
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