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Boyfriend Sexting Friend

Group Therapy: Boyfriend Won't Stop Sexting Friend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My man and a female friend of his had been talking dirty to each other (about how they wanted to get together and make out, or cuddle up and watch a movie when I wasn't home etc.). Needless to say, I found out, we argued and I almost left him. I told him I don't deserve to be treated like a piece of ass he can just come home to after a night out.

He got really upset (like they always do) blamed the whole thing on having low self esteem and "not feeling good enough for me" and now wants to try to make things better and stop talking dirty to his friend. The agreement is that I would try to see past this behaviour if he was to tell her that the sexy talk has to stop, indefinitely, and if I could see it. He agreed and we both went to bed with a lot to think about.


This morning I remind him that I would like him to message her and he acts like I'm out of line, with the eye rolling "yes hun . . ." It's important that I see with my own eyes that it's been taken care of, so I can start trusting him again. Why does he see that as a problem? Is that a sign he doesn't want to stop? I don't care if he's friends with her, he has a right to choose his friends, but I have a right to protect and rebuild my relationship with a man I love, don't I? After everything we talked about last night I just can't understand why one little task is such a chore.

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GZO GZO 5 years
"Trying to get off easy"... I'll say! With two different women, no less.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
He hasn't tried to give you proof because he's trying to get off easy. He's not really sorry, he probably has no intention of stopping in the long run, and even if he does stop his behavior will just manifest in a different way. He just wants you to forget and let it go so that he can stop feeling guilty. Leave him, you know it's what he deserves.
GZO GZO 5 years
"I think if he can't show you proof that he texted her back saying to stop, you should fully walk away." I agree that she should walk away, however, the other girl wasn't just sending him inappropriate messages on her own; that would have a been a totally different issue. The fact of the matter is that the BOYFRIEND is reciprocating (and possibly even initiated) these messages. I'm sorry but unless you have an open relationship, this is disgusting, disrespectful, and it is CHEATING. When he is getting his rocks off with another real girl that is not you, and all you expect is for him to "tell her that the sexy talk has to stop, indefinitely" and that he can even still be FRIENDS with this girl, either you are completely clueless, have very little (if any) self-respect, or you have too much faith in this douchebag. I can't wrap my head around why you didn't put your foot down or dump him already. He doesn't want to stop, his "self-esteem issues" are bullshit as far as you are concerned, and he just keeps on disrespecting you. "He got really upset (like they always do)" No! That is not what "they" do! Good men do not cheat on their girlfriends and then throw a hissy fit about being caught and then roll their eyes at her request that he stop cheating on her. I'm sorry, I'm so infuriated by this I can't even properly formulate sentences. “He's lame” “He sounds like a player” NO. Until he stops and begs for your forgiveness and changes his ways forever or until we hear his side of the story, he's an asshole and you are allowing him to treat you like dirt. DTMFA!
mrsalvarez23 mrsalvarez23 5 years
Hmmm. First of all I am wondering why you forgave him so quick? If a partner of mine were “Sexting” with another person that would be a big issue for any of my relationships. Second of all, how long have you been dating for? Has he done this before? Honestly, he sounds like a player to me, and You need to stand for what you think is right and have a voice, because, it sounds like he walks all over you. Give YOU your place.
bluestar bluestar 5 years
He's lame. He's trying to turn things around on you and give you a stupid sob story about why it's okay that he's still sexting someone else. He'll do this over and over....and you can try to work past it as long as you want to waste your time on him.
libby003 libby003 5 years
Leave him. You deserve way better than to be treated this way and there is someone out there who will be more than happy to do it.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 5 years
Flirting is one thing...but sexting another woman??? Good grief. DTMFA.
jenjen82 jenjen82 5 years
Wow, you really found a class act! Seriously this guy sounds like a douche. I wouldn't waste my time with him. That is way out of line and he just confirmed what you may have been wondering this morning when he acted like a total ass about the whole thing. Also why would you want him to be able to be friends with this broad? That would just escalate back to the inappropriate path and probably cheating again.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 5 years
why don't you care if he's friends with her? Why were you so quick to forgive what is essentially an emotional (if not physical) affair?? My fiance has friends that are women, but I'm absolutely certain they would be 100% weirded out if he sent them a "sext," because they're actual friends and not flirting buddies. You sound like you let him walk all over you, and then he makes you feel bad for reacting somewhat normally (by which I mean most women would have dumped him, not just demanded to see a breakup text).
GTCB GTCB 5 years
Okay, so your relationship isn't working out. You should let this 'sexting' thing be some other person's problem.
Sweet-Melissa-111 Sweet-Melissa-111 5 years
Break up with him. If he isn't already cheating on you, he's going to.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I mean your relationship with him, not his relationship with his "friend."
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
I personally think you should put an end to the relationship instead of the sexting.
njau njau 5 years
In some sense, he doesn't want to stop. He enjoyed the attention he was getting from her and probably would have continued. It is very important for both you to move on from this to have you watch him do this activitiy. Without it, you will always question. Even with watching him do it, unless you fully forgive and basically forget, I don't necessarily see you fully moving on from the subject. I know there can be a million excuses for this 'technology age' but you stated exactly what you should, you dont deserve this. I think if he can't show you proof that he texted her back saying to stop, you should fully walk away.
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