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Boyfriend Still Emails High School Sweetheart

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Still Emails High School Sweetheart

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been dating, or rather, living with my boyfriend for a year and half now. I have access to his emails, both gmail and Facebook (he gave me the password), and we shared the same computer. I opened up the computer with his emails still not being closed and I read the message thread he had with his high school sweetheart.

It is my fault that I read the exchanges, but I noticed that with the exchanges that he never mentioned my real name to his ex. Rather I was just "she" in every email. His ex asked about how we met (we met through a dating site) and he never responded to her. I am not sure if this is something that I should be concerned about, but this does bother me . . . and why is he still corresponding with his ex? I am the jealous type, but I understand the generic emails for birthdays and holidays, but they've been communicating almost every month, and my boyfriend's last email to her stated something about how there are things that will always remind him of his high school days with her and how they're one of his favorite times. I don't know what to do.

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ag2809 ag2809 6 years
I also don't think you've got anything to worry about. I talk to all of my friends from high school, whether or not I ever had anything going on with them, just that way. I remember them fondly and enjoy keeping up with a few of them. It means nothing except that he's a good friend - a good sign!
katialoves katialoves 6 years
i have some nostalgia for my life when i was with an ex (well it was in paris so its hard not to look back fondly) and he recently started communicating with me. i dont want to communicate with him too often and to let him down softly i have been planning to write that i look back at the time fondly, and even share some memories for the purpose of closure. would NEVER date this guy again but still communicate in a very gentle way because that feels right. my current guy knows about it i think from accidental snooping or a text and he is pissed, ONLY because i am a jealous person (or was when we were first dating) and he cant stand the double standard. would you say those things to an ex that he wrote to her?
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I have very fond memories of some of my exes. Some things always remind me of good times in high school when the love was sweet and new and relatively innocent. It's memorable. It always will be. I don't necessarily think your boyfriend is doing anything really wrong here. He's obviously not trying to hide anything if he offers you full access to his e-mails. I agree with Helen... let it go and if you start developing serious suspicions, tackle the issue from there.
louispuggy louispuggy 6 years
I say the best thing in a relationship is to communicate. If he's open to giving you his email information then he should be okay in explaining his situation w/his ex. I'd ask him casually if he communicates with his past exes if he man's up then he has nothing to hide but if he doesn't then you may want to come out and tell him about his emails. Its a risk you have to take in order to have a better and stronger relationship otherwise you'll build up anger and hate for him and that would lead to a break up. i hope this helps. good luck.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
Oh dear. On so many of these "i snooped and found something!" posts, I tend to side with the snooper since they discover their SO is cheating or doing something else sneaky, and I assume the snoopers intuition was telling her something. But here? You are totally in the wrong. Guess what--I love and plan on marrying my boyfriend, but there are things I will never forget and always look fondly upon about my high school sweetheart. It's not a threat to my boyfriend, and what he said is certainly not a threat to you.
GregS GregS 6 years
I'm with Helen (again) on this. I don't think you're under threat. It's a good sign that he's given you access to his email accounts. Obviously he's saying he has nothing to hide. Perhaps, if you feel better about it mention it to him and wonder what she was like. Let him talk about her. Who knows? She could become your friend, too.
Vanonymous Vanonymous 6 years
Do not read his email. Corresponding with an ex is not cheating. I, personally, think it's a better sign if your boyfriend can remain friends with exes than if they all totally hated him (bad sign!). He obviously told her he has a girlfriend. To be honest, you reading his email is a lot more dishonest and sketchy than him talking to an old high school sweetheart. Have some confidence - he's with you b/c he wants to be with you.
missmaryb missmaryb 6 years
It doesn't sound as if he is saying things to lead you to believe he's cheating. I have an ex who reminds me of my high school days too and just thinking of him makes me nostalgic. And I would tell him so if I saw him, but it doesn't mean I want to date him again. Maybe he didn't tell her how you met b/c he's embarrassed about it (a lot of people don't like to admit they do the online dating thing for whatever reason). And I'm also assuming that since he let you have his password, he doesn't feel he has anything to hide. However, if you feel he's up to no good the only way to deal with it is to talk to him about it and tell him you're uncomfortable with their emails. If he loves you he will respect your concerns and will deal with them appropriately. Good luck.
pax4pax pax4pax 6 years
Sounds like you have not captured his full attention and he has not left hers. Better to just be the "she" to someone else, maybe he will humanize with a name.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
I'm going to be frank. Stay out of there. Your boyfriend trusts you not to take advantage of his openness by digging around in his stuff. You've done your checking up on him and even though you found something that bothers you, it isn't cheating. Trust him to keep it kosher without your supervision. That means you let it go and you don't go back in there unless and until you develop seriously strong suspicions about him--ones bad enough that you'd have to break up with him if they turned out to be true.
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