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I Was in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship, and I Didn't Even Realize It

Boyfriend Wants Me to Get a Nose Job

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Suggested I Get a Nose Job

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So my BF is very loving and always compliments me about what I wear, about my body, my hair, my skin, eyes and etc . . .

but the other day, he told me that If I had a nose surgery, I would look like wow! I said I'm not getting a surgery ever and I am fine with the way my nose looks (which is a lie! I know and everybody knows my nose does not look very great! But I was serious about the surgery because I think it ruins all the natural things about one's face.)


So I told him that he is shallow. He became very apologetic and told me that I am so beautiful and already look like a celebrity, it's just it is such a shame that the only imperfection about me should be the nose, but he said he will not mention it again and he loves me the way I am.

But the thing is, I am not a tall girl, and I know my BF likes tall girls, and although I look very athletic and am very confident about my body and he always tells me he loves my body, but when we go to beach I can't help but wonder if he's thinking about all the tall girls with their long legs. He is very handsome and I think he can have whoever he wants.

And now this stupid nose thing has to add up to the rest of my worries? And we are only eight months into this relationship.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
ThePrettiLady ThePrettiLady 5 years
This may have just been a stupid guy comment.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
The thing to pay attention to is how insecure you feel in a relationship with him. Whatever he is doing or you are doing to create the insecurity needs to be stopped and only you know what is yours and what is the way he treats you (and ask a friend, and relatives!). You deserve to feel safe, loved and accepted -- that's the problem here, you don't.
Simple84 Simple84 5 years
thank you henna red i always enjoy your comments.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
Thanks for sharing the update. You know plastic surgery gets into a lot of cultures that want to have a more westernized look. In Asia, there are a lot of procedures aiming at this.I remeber seeing something on the tube about the nose job thing in your part of the world. And even if folks don't regard it as that big a deal, its because you never hear the stories about the ones that went wrong. I think if's great that you embrace your beautiful features, and I love his coment on not wanting a plastic girl. And hey, waddaya gonna do, everyone has a fantasy, whether it's girls with long legs or boys with blond hair and beach muscles. He's with you. Blessed be, thanks for sharing with us.
Simple84 Simple84 5 years
@Every one: this was the first time he said something like that to me. and yes, he always, always and always compliments me on my personality. he says he LOVE my legs, my breasts, my hair and my curves. he says he loves how kind and sweet I am. he loves my laugh. he loves how maturely i deal with problems. he loves my creativity, my being always friendly. He hates that I jump into conclusions so often. like, in this case, the conversation was going like this: Him(jokingly) : I should get a nose job. my nose is getting longer every day! me: yeah, do that and I'll break up with you. Him: and God you'll look like WOW with a nose job. me: do i not look hot enough for you now?is that what you're suggesting? him: you look like a celebrity babe. it's just a small thing, never mind. so that was it. and when I brought it up again last night he was pissed off and told me that AGAIN you're jumping into conclusions, I love YOU. if I wanted any plastic chick, there were plenty of them when I was even younger and at school. now I should probably mention that we live in Lebanon., where EVERYONE (and I mean it!) is getting a nose job, so its a common thing and we do not regard it as a dangerous or costly procedure. I still hate it though. and he have not ever told me anything about my height. I just know from how he reacts to certain celebrities that he prefer tall ones. I Love how I'm so shorter than him. I am 160 Cm, he is 190 Cm. so...that's about all of it. and thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate it.
bryseana bryseana 5 years
He's with you, so he's obviously attracted to you. The nose job comment was dumb.. If this is a recurring thing then it's something to worry about.
myhousemd myhousemd 5 years
Does he compliment you on your personality, too? It sounds like he made a mistake, and you're feeling particularly insecure now because he happened to criticize something that you were already insecure about. Does he make you happy? Do you like spending time with him?
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 5 years
While his comment was insensitive, I think it may be jumping the gun to call it abuse. If this is the first time he's said anything like this to you, I wouldn't call your relationship abusive at this point. Are you insecure about tall girls because he's said something about your height to make you feel insecure? I'm not clear on that point, and that would help me understand if he's playing on your insecurities or if you tend to be insecure in relationships in general. I know you say you are confident about your body, but the fact that you're worried about how he thinks you look makes me wonder if you aren't as confident as you claim or if he has done or said something to make you less confident. If he has a pattern of making you feel not good enough for him physically, then he is abusive and you should leave. Otherwise, I'd let it go and stop obsessing about it. Everybody has a type that they're more physically attracted to, but so much more goes into who we choose to be with than just looks. You putting so much emphasis on looks isn't any more healthy for yourself than him putting so much emphasis on your looks.
steph1234 steph1234 5 years
"He became very apologetic and told me that I am so beautiful and already look like a celebrity, it's just it is such a shame that the only imperfection about me should be the nose, but he said he will not mention it again and he loves me the way I am." It flew all over me when I read this..."it's just a shame that the only imperfection..."...If he can't love you for your 'imperfections' then he is NOT worth your time! We all have imperfections...I know that everyone is attracted to people for different reasons...and everyone has 'their type'...but I once was in a relationship with someone who told me he wished that I would get a tan. How rude! I am fair skinned..and it is very difficult for me to tan...this is something I cannot control... Needless to say, we didn't last.. He was very controlling and emotionally abusive to me. I had no self-esteem..and when I left him..I never felt better about myself and who I was! I applaud you for standing firm about not having any surgery. You can find someone who will love you for you and never mention your imperfections..because he will see past them because he will truly love you. This guy is just a shallow, rude jerk!
hilberkl hilberkl 5 years
Is this the first time he has ever told you you need to change? If so, then maybe he heard you complain about it. Guys can be dense sometimes. I was with someone that told me I needed to wear more makeup and dress a certain way and trust me it's not worth it, but I think that if this is the only instance then you shouldn't stress too much. If it becomes a habit though, ditch him!
fabulousfifi fabulousfifi 5 years
For starters, i would like to congratulate you on your choice to keep your natural beauty! Your body. Your hair. Your skin. etc are all things that someone should not have to look to in order to make someone else happy. The very fact that your boyfriend sees these as being so important and the fact he asked you to change your nose really proves that he is NOT a loving boyfriend :( I am sorry to say that you ARE deceiving yourself here and i'm thinking that maybe it is because you have never had any other relationships which you could compare this one to. This is an ABUSIVE relationship...your boyfriend is trying to control you and is putting you down in order to make you think that you are'nt good enough! This is the reason why you think " He can have whoever he wants" because he has brainwashed you to think this way ..My advice is to leave him while you are only 8 monthsinto the relationship ! The longer you leave it the harder it will get...and you ARE beautiful the way you are and CAN have whoever YOU want...NEVER let anyone manipulate you into thinking little of yourself ! Good luck x
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