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Boyfriend Wants to Spend Christmas Apart

"My Boyfriend Wants to Disappear"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend has two weeks off during Christmas and wants to disappear without telling me where he is going or what he is doing or having any contact with me during that time. Also this is our first Christmas together, we are having a baby, and he never even offered to spend a few days with me.

Additionally, he does this disappearing act for a few days every now and again. It bothers me because it's usually without warning or explanation. We don't live together and we are at work all day. I'm really confused. I feel extremely hurt and disrespected. Am I missing something? Why would he want this?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
My-Advice My-Advice 4 years
A man that you can't count on is letting you know you can't count on him. It's as plain and simple as that. Consider yourself on your own with a little baby in tow. Just my advice......cut your losses by cutting him out of your life. Make sure you get child support. You're going to need it.
vanillasparkle vanillasparkle 4 years
Ok so: he disappears from time to time and doesn't want you to have any contact with him. You are having his baby. He doesn't want to spend Christmas with you and wants to disappear for two weeks. And you are having his baby. And you two don't live together.  The clear and unfortunate answer: You are the other woman. He has someone else who will be suspicious if he doesn't spend Christmas with her. Consider your options about the baby and what you will do from here on out. Because you are NOT his main priority.   I'm sorry.
annbaby annbaby 4 years
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this. You shouldn't have to be going through this, especially with a baby coming. This rings all the alarm bells, a guy who disappears for days at a time. That itself MIGHT be depression/needing time alone, but if he wants to vanish for 2 weeks during CHRISTMAS with a baby on his/her way, it sounds like he wants to spend his holidays with someone else. This is heartbreaking, and I'm so very sorry. I can only hope for you to be strong.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Yeah, beccanat has got this one covered - I agree 100%.  Sorry about your luck but this is going to be messy moving forward.  Wouldn't be a bad idea to contact a lawyer regarding child support.
frannyx frannyx 4 years
Thanks you everyone. Its great to get some different ideas on this. I'm trying to be reasonable and give him some space, but at the same time, the way in which he's choosing to do this with complete disregard for me is causing me to have serious misgivings about our relationship and our future together.
Quriosity Quriosity 4 years
My last boyfriend did this disappearing act on me ever so often.... and by that I mean easily once a week and for days a time. It was confusing and hurtful. It also came without warning or explanation. I could never rely on him. Turned out he was suffering from depression and sometime suicidal thoughts. I stayed with him for 10 months to help him, during which was my last year in university and having to deal with thesis work as well. In the end my family convinced me that I had to break it off because I wasn't even having a relationship with this guy, I was having a relationship with his depression and it dragged me down. I hope it's not the same situation for you.
beccanat beccanat 4 years
Hello. I am sorry to tell you this, but it seems to me you are not the main woman in his life. It is not normal that he wants to dissapear during the whole Christmas holiday, specially when you are having a baby. I hope I am wrong, but this has all the signs to me that you are the "other" woman and he has another family and he must spend Christmas with them. How to handle this situation? That I cannot say. I guess I would just confirm this suspicions first and see from there. I am sorry, again, specially for your baby.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
Ummm, really? Sounds like it's time for someone to step up and take responsibility for this new life he's helped create. It's not ok to just "disappear" and leave your relatively new, pregnant girlfriend home without even so much as an explanation. What if something went wrong with the baby? How would you find him? And if he's carrying on like this now, where will he be once the baby is here and you need help and support? You would not be out of line to tell him it's completely unacceptable to you and that you will have a huge problem with it if he goes. Good luck.
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 4 years
Yes, of course you are missing something. You two are having a baby and this is your first Christmas together. Him disappearing around Christmas time could be a really bad sign. If he refuses to tell you where he is going, I would start to wonder if he is cheating on you. It should be a special time that he would want to spend with you. I would try to find out where he is disappearing to and try to rule out that he is possibly seeing another woman, because that is very strange and suspicious behavior. You can only ask him I guess. - Good luck I hope he tells you where he disappearing to and that it is the truth and not going to cause problems.
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