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Boyfriend Not Who I Thought He Was

"My Boyfriend Is Not Who I Thought He Would Be"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've had a boyfriend for almost three months now, and I just can't stand him these days. It's like I'm realizing who he really is, and it's quite deceiving. He says he loves me and is very affectionate but doesn't act like he cares about me at all. He always puts his friends and social events first, he doesn't take me out to dinner or a movie, he just always invites me to his place.

I am leaving for three weeks to go to Europe in two days and we've barely seen each other because he preferred partying with his guy friends. It was my birthday on Tuesday and he didn't even wish me a happy birthday or buy me a gift. He said happy birhtday a day late when I finally saw him. After having sex. He also smokes a lot of pot with his friends, which makes him distant and completely disconnected from reality when I see him after he's been up partying all night. We're just so different and I keep feeling abandoned and rejected by him. He really doesn't treat me like the girl he loves, and barely like his girlfriend. I don't know what to think anymore and I feel like I can't stand it much longer. Thoughts?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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healthyteenager healthyteenager 5 years
thanks so much everyone! i'm back from my trip and have had time to go over the situation in my head again, and as all of you have said I think leaving him is the right decision. Even though I'm in love with him (strange, I know). It'll be hard in the beginning but I'm probably saving myself from hurting in the future..
lifesoul lifesoul 5 years
dont complicate your life more,,,have a great trip and dont worry about anything and dont ever let anyone or anything hurt you,,,before you get too involved and too hurt...step away,,if u still want to be with this guy than talk to him about how you feel..but dont travel with negative thoughts as you wont be happy
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
People only treat you as crappy as you let them. This isn't even complicated, just leave him.
amvck amvck 5 years
It sounds like you're someone who he sees when its convenient or when he is in the mood to have sex. Girl, dump him. I think you already know the answer to your question but you just need to hear it from other people. Don't settle for someone who doesn't make you happy and doesn't have very much respect for you. Enjoy your trip, you'll feel much better not having to worry about him!
Sammyyy Sammyyy 5 years
I'm going through the same thing with my boufriend!!!! This is how I see it! I think it honestly depends on how strong ur feelings r for ur boyfriend. My guys been acting like a total bleep too but because my feelings haven't changed for him I still have faith in us! And if ur feelings for each other r true then with time once u start confronting Jim things should get better!
cowgirl85 cowgirl85 5 years
He is not a boyfriend he is just a guy who you are having sex with. Don't settle for a few bones he or any other man throws your way. Ask for what you want and need and if you are not getting it move on and don't look back. Don't call, don't hope just think about your own needs. Don't even waste anytime thinking about him. You don't even need to break up with this one since there is nothing going on, just don't be available for sex with him when he calls.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
Break up with him. Now.  Otherwise you have no one to blame but yourself when a year from now he's still acting the exact same way or maybe worse because you let him get away with it.  
nylorac nylorac 5 years
Agreed, dump the idiot. He isn't acting like someone who is in love with you; he treats you like an after thought.
fresh1721 fresh1721 5 years
Why is this even a question? Dump him.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
I wonder if guys let themselves get used like this too but just tend to suffer in silence. So many of group therapy posts are from women who think men are their problem, when it's really they don't value themselves and are letting themselves be used -- and then wonder why they hurt. It's amazing what romance and sexual connection can do to our protectiveness, but that's mother nature at work I guess who just wants babies made. It's so very sad. We might be gaining economically and in education, but we still tend to take crumbs emotionally. You had sex with him after he completely missed your birthday? Oh honey. You failed yourself there by even letting him in the door, and that's where you can change this situation and more importantly your expectations of men and you. Please go buy some books on self-esteem, see a therapist or something along those lines. Basically you need to expect more from men, make them earn your trust by behaving in a way that doesn't make you doubt yourself or them, and when you feel hurt get protective and keep those people away. There are a lot of men like this guy, just breaking up with him isn't the answer. You need to change not just for your sake but your future children's sake too -- otherwise you'll watch them repeat your history. Good luck!
DazzleDe DazzleDe 5 years
sounds like he sucks. dump him. why put up with that?
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
Believe his actions, not his words. A guy who really cares will do the right things too...not just say them. He sounds young, immature and not ready to settle down. I personally think you should cut ties now, while it's still fairly early in the relationship. Why put yourself through this much stress? It's not worth it and you deserve to be treated better.
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