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Break Up Nicely

Group Therapy: How Do I Let a Guy Down Gently?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey!  I need your guys' advice!!  I went on two dates with this one guy who is very sweet but I'm just really not interested in him. 

The first date was great (but I did end up getting kind of drunk so judgment not so great) but the second date . . . I felt weird around him.  Some things he did were just a big turnoff and I just really don't want want to go out with him anymore and the thought of doing anything sexual with him makes me cringe (it's not about appearance — he's nice looking!). 


Long story short, how do I tell this guy no more, when he's already asked me out for date three?  I want to be kind but firm.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
GregS GregS 6 years
Just tell him flat out, thanks, but I"m not interested. Don't say anything about "but I hope we can be friends" because it's been used so many times and has never EVER occurred in reality, it smacks of disingenuousness. It would tick me off if a woman said that to me. Next time he asks, just say no thanks.
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 6 years
I'm just trying to wrap my head around the difficulty of letting some one go after two dates. I don't understand the distress but best advise is to be up front. If you're not you may find your self on dates 3, 4 & 5 before you know it.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
Tell him you can't go on another date with him. Use the phone not a text. He may not even ask why. If he does, say that you just aren't feeling it and that by the second date you can usually tell. If he still doesn't get the hint, stop being polite. But try polite first.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
A guy once said to me.."I don't see us progressing as a couple". Wow, it hurt my feelings no doubt, but it got the point across without being too personal about why we weren't compatible. Looking back, it was the easiest way I was ever let down, and after I grieved about the relationship, after time, I was able to see him again with really no hard feelings. direct, but not too personal.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Hahahaha! Weffie, that cracked me up. At least he'd get the point. Just tell him straight up. Guys aren't into beating around the bush like girls. I actually hate that about communicating with girls because I'm a very direct person. If he already asked you for the third date and you already agreed, give him a call. "I'm sorry, but I just don't feel that you and I are compatible. Take care."
weffie weffie 6 years
I would just say, "You're a nice guy, but the thought of doing anything sexual with you makes me cringe." I doubt he'd stick around long after that :)
GTCB GTCB 6 years
I was once in the very same situation some years back, 2003 or so, but on the receiving end. You must be firm and clear - tell him you do not see a future with him, tell him you aren't attracted, tell him something. Do not worry about hurting his feelings because he's going to be hurt regardless. I wish I had received a more clear message, but I think she was worried about hurting my feelings and was very iffy. I would have appreciated more clarity. So will he.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
Anonymous # 4, when you are together as a group, just mention lightly that you like another guy.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 6 years
Don't use the "But I hope we can still be friends." That really bugs guys. Just say I had a nice time with you but I dont' see this going any further.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
Say something like, "I just do not think there is enough chemistry between us. But I hope we can still be friends."
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 6 years
Just tell him thank you and that you think he is sweet, but you don't want anything romantic to come out of this. That is what has worked for me in the past. Guys tend to go away after that, unless the are stubborn and want to chase. Then you can be harsher and be like, listen-you're starting to irritate me. I said I don't want to date you!!!!
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