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Breakup Regrets

"I Was an Idiot and a Jerk"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I was an idiot who could not appreciate my ex when she was with me. Sure I never ever lied when I said I loved her. When I developed feelings for another girl, I couldn't help but to tell her and let her know I thought it would be unfair for her. I told her I will do whatever I could to forget the crush so that I could fully love her, she was patient and considerate. She loved me, she said. It took me a long time to get over the crush, because the feelings were developed over the years I was with my ex, six full years. As the feelings grew stronger, I couldn't help but to let my ex in on the loop because it was completely unfair to her. I thought she should find someone who loved her more than I could. Even though I have never lied, even today, when I say I love her. She couldn't take it, after being patient with me for almost a year. I'm sorry I'm an idiot and jerk who took one year and one month to get over my crush. I'm sorry I was an idiot who couldn't treasure you for everything you gave me.

But soon after we broke up in December, she was in the arms of another, hating me. I love her so much, I want her back. Her hate for me is as deep as my love for her unfortunately. Everything seems bleak in life. I had it all. I had the girl of my dreams, the woman of my life, but only realized when it was too late. I don't know what more there is to live for, or even what more there is to life. I know and understand that I have to move on, that I will find someone else again. But in my six years even as the crush developed into a liking. I have never loved anyone else. I have never considered anyone else. I distanced myself from my crush the moment I noticed the feelings. I kept away from being too intimate with my ex because I felt it was unfair. Now I have nothing left. My crush was a very good friend who I kept away from. My ex keeps away from me because of the hurt and betrayal from me. I can understand all that. I just can't understand and won't believe that I will be able to make it out of this anymore.

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subliminalseduction subliminalseduction 5 years
Speaking as a fellow ass, I had a one night stand behind my boyfriend's back and I told him. He was patient too, he forgave me, but I couldn't let go of it. I did it, probably like you, because at some point I decided I wanted someone else and I wanted the relationship I was in (which was already going south) over. At some point, I got lonely and tried to rekindle it, only to hear that if I actually loved him, I would be happy if he was happy, great advice despite the reasons he said it. That's true, if you do love her and care about her and she's happy where she is, you have to face that and be happy for her. On the other hand, my ex, within two days of my "incident", had struck up a relationship with another woman and "forgiveness" was simply riding out the month before he could move in with her. Then continued to sleep with me while living with her for a few months. Let it go, quit blaming yourself, you made a mistake. I thought I made a horrible mistake, too, but looking back over a year later, I'm glad it happened. It took time to come to this, but in retrospect, even the person you thought was completely perfect might not be the one. Try dedicating some time for yourself... don't worry so much, enjoy life and see what you've been missing out on.
missmaryb missmaryb 5 years
When you got into the situation of having feelings for another woman, you did the right thing by telling your then girlfriend about it. I praise you for being honest and open with her. Unfortunately, you also broke her trust and she was never able to believe in you again. That's a risk you take when you admit to something like that. I can't say as I blame her for losing that trust. I'm sure you see her side of it too. As the saying goes, "you don't know what you got til it's gone." You ended up with no one and she has moved on. It sucks. And yes, you blew it. But it doesn't matter anymore. The situation is what it is and you must now deal with healing and forgiving yourself. Do not try to get her back, you will only be causing more heartache for both of you. Let her get on with her life. I agree about seeing a therapist to sort out your guilty conscience. And I also agree about staying single, and getting your head on straight. You should not be with her or with any other woman until you can enter a relationship with a "clean bill of health" so to speak. Good luck.
chibros chibros 5 years
It is true we don't know the value of what we have until we loses it.. You've learnt from your mistakes which is fine. You just have to admit and accept things because there's not much you can do. Make friends, keep yourself busy and stay out relationship for the mean time until you get yourself in order. If you keep thinking about what happened you can't do anything, she's gone. You just have to focus on the future. Your case is not the worst one ever, so why getting yourself stuck. The mistake is being done, so just learn from it and move on.
kitty-Witty kitty-Witty 5 years
don't get upset dear . you realized what you have done that's the important thing . i can understand that how you feel now. concentrate on yourself. let the past stay as a past and a good memory. you can't handle your past but remember present and future is yours. keep socializing with friends even more than ever. keep yourself busy with volunteer work and love yourself and all the people . best wishes for you :) :) take care :) :)
henna-red henna-red 5 years
You don't need to find another love right now. You don't need to worry about how your ex feels right now. You need to focus on yourself. You need to see a therapist. You need to get out or this self castigation, self blame. It won't help you heal, it won't help you change, it won't help you move on. I won't help anything but to keep you feeling crappy. You're sabotaging yourself, and beating yourself up. That is not the same thing as recogninzing a behavior that didn't work and changing it. All of this self hate, ane feeling sorry for yourself is only damaging you, your life, your chances for any kind of future. Stop it! A therapist can help you recognize what you did that didn't work, and help you learn to not do it again. Find a therapist. Do something that is positive. This is survivable, but only if you take the psitive steps to survive, to help yourself, not beat yourself up. Stand up, step up, reach out. How your ex feels is none of your business. She's your ex. No matter how that happened, that relationship is now in the past. Dwelling on her is preventing you from focusing on the things you need to do for yourself. This need to be your priority. Focus on yourself. In a positive way. Not a destructive way. You can learn, you can heal, you can live a life. Respect yourself enough to do those things for yourself. Respect the love your ex used to have for you, by making the effort to be better, to do better. Learn to love yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. A therapist will help you learn to do those things. love and luck to you, blessed be
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
This doesn't make sense. Give your "love" a break, get yourself straightened out, and remain single until you can know how to control yourself.
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