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British Second Wives Club Members Sick of Homewrecker Stereotypes

Second Wives Try to Beat the Bad Rap

With cheating celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James in the spotlight, and mistresses like Rielle Hunter speaking out in the press, there's a lot of animosity toward "the other woman." But there's a growing number of women in the UK who say first, or ex-, wives are the ones in the wrong.

Women involved in the support group British Second Wives Club feel their husbands' ex-wives are taking advantage of divorce situations by demanding compensation even when they aren't financially struggling, purposefully not remarrying in order to keep receiving support, and crossing emotional boundaries by staying in close contact with their ex-husbands. These women, not all of whom had affairs, are tired of the "evil homewrecker" stereotype. One of these second wives, Sarah Williams, explains:

“I have to put my kids in childcare and go out to work so that she can sit at home waiting for hers to come home from school . . . I know he feels guilty about her but sometimes I just want to scream that I’m run ragged working full-time, feeling that I’m not measuring up as a mother. Then I hear that she has gone on a minibreak with her girlfriends for the weekend while I look after her kids. What does she need a break from, exactly?”

What do you think: do you agree with these women that they are being treated unfairly?

Join The Conversation
RioVonWolf RioVonWolf 6 years
No not a lifetime not even a lot,she decided too remember? So Gold digging not allowed
ShaynaLeah ShaynaLeah 7 years
This is ridiculous - if a woman has given birth to his kids, then she is entitled to lifetime compensation, because thanks to the ever present wage gap, she will be earning less money for the rest of her life because of it. Just because he's moved on to the younger model why should she suffer for it? What a waste of time for these women to pat themselves on the back for ruining another woman's marriage.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
I really think it's situational. My sister is married to a man with two elementary-school aged kids and they have primary physical and legal custody; the kids are only with their mom two weekends a month. So, she's often frustrated, but not because she has to take care of the kids (she actually loves taking care of them). She's frustrated because she feels the kids are missing out on a lot of time with their mom. (And, while the kids love their mom, it's obvious that they wish they feel abandoned by her from time-to-time.) Additionally, their mom makes slightly more than my sister's husband, but pays very minimal child support. It doesn't make sense to me that one parent would/should bear a much greater financial burden than the other, whether that parent is the father or the mother.
starbucks2 starbucks2 7 years
''not all of whom had affairs'' really? Like most second wives have been the mistress? The stereotype reeks through the artical! Anyways, here in Germany there is no spousal support unless the kids are under the age of 3. And child support is not really enough to get by unless your ex is really wealthy. If you have 2 children with your ex and one with your current wife, the child support will splitted between all those children, meaning you get to keep as much money for the 'current' child as you pay for those you have with your ex. Here comes another stereotype: Unfortunately many men seem to forget about the commitment they once made which includes the kids...They try to withdraw child support and don't keep in touch. All while the children with the new wife get everything they want and are the apple of his eye. Unfortunately I know what I'm talking about having divorced and remarried parents...
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
My parents are divorced and my mom remarried quickly. Because my mom and step dad had a healthy income between the two of them (enough to raise 5 kids and still take us on summer vacations!) she was really easy on my dad regarding child support for my sister and I. I guess it depends on the woman; not all of us are money-grubbing! (Side Note: I recently found out that my mom cheated on my dad with my step dad while they were still married, so maybe the child support thing had a lot to do with guilt, and not so much finances.)
medenginer medenginer 7 years
I agree with all the comments made. Part of the blame is the first wife but what is the second wife doing to remedy the situation. I'm currently engaged to a man whose ex-wife tries does all she can to take advantage of him. I knew that going in to this relationship that he was divorced but not the extent of how she was. She tries to get additional money other than her child support, wants things around the house done, and calls at the last minute wanting their daughter watched while she does something. We live out of state now so it's were not as convenient. If she's not focusing on him then she's focusing on me. She's never met me in the two years I've been with her ex. I've learned that the ex-wife needs boundaries and the husband needs to deal with them not you. I've gotten to where I've removed myself from the situation and don't see their child. It's so much drama and issues with the three of them that I don't want to be apart of.
Janine22 Janine22 7 years
Well RioVonWolf, perhaps the laws are different in the U.S. I know that they actually enforce child support in the U.S., as in the dad will get thrown in jail if he does not pay or owes a lot of back child support. This does not happen in Canada, where I live. FYI as of 2008 women still earn 77 cents to every dollar that a man makes but yet in divorce women usually have primary custody of the children and therefore usually pay for the majority of the child's needs. Reference:,8599,1983185,00.html You cannot generalize, each situation is different. I am sure that some women financially take advantage of their ex-husbands. But then there are the women, my sister for example, whose ex husband cheated on her with her then best friend and the 2 of them are now married. Her ex husband has a good job, has a lot of family money and goes on nice trips, buys big houses, boats and nice cars. He commits tax fraud and does not claim his actual income (owns his own business) and then declared bankruptcy so he could get out of paying my sister. He has not given her any child support (or alimony) in 13 years. She has struggled to raise my nephew on her income while her ex husband is living it up. My nephew has to beg his dad for money for anything extra that he wants, my sister has given up trying to ask him. So like anything, each situation is different. The woman who is complaining in that quote has made the decision to marry that man and help to raise his children. She sounds like she had no idea what she was getting herself into and is bitter about it.
RioVonWolf RioVonWolf 7 years
The current laws are unfair! No one needs 50000.00USD for one kid especially when their earning potential is great. Child support is usually too much and sometime just strange. Most of the laws were made for different times when women could not work. We need great reform but there is the specter of welfare in the way.
socalbeachgal socalbeachgal 7 years
As usual, it depends. But when you marry someone who has been married before, they are part of the package and the agreement they made when they got divorced.
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
*sorry, the package
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
the ex is a part of the package, honestly, i think it would be good for the whole family to get pre-marriage counseling (ex-wife, new wife and husband) that way everyone can layout their problems and come up with a plan, of course this is only necessary if there are children involved and hoping that the second wife didn't cause the marriage to end in the first place. like it or not if children are involved the ex-wife is a part of the problem.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 7 years
It is a big deal and you have to take it into consideration. You have to babysit on the weekends, deal with kids that are not yours is not the same, your in the middle when they are in a fight, you don't want to get involve. This is a very tricky situation and when you decide to get marry with a man with a baggage; you should take all these things into consideration. The ex is part of the package, whether you like it or not.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
I think that sometimes women do take advantage of the financial benefits of divorce. There are definitely cases of it. I'm sure that, if I were that man's second wife, it would bother me. However, there are just as many second wives who did commit adultery, so that stereotype has some basis as well. Basically, both sides are both a little right and a little wrong. However, I agree that by marrying a man who has been through a divorce, especially one with children, you are knowingly taking on some extra baggage. At the same time, it's hard to help who you fall in love with.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I agree with Anonymous #1 to a certain extent. That's the baggage that came with marrying that man. It's not the baggage's fault, per se. It came with that man. These second wives are misreading the situation.
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