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Can Cheating Improve a Relationship?

Can Cheating Ever Improve a Relationship?

We all know sex in a marriage takes work, but should having an affair be part of that "work." A new study, which should be taken lightly since it was paid for by the extramarital dating site Loving Links, thinks so.

One-quarter of the 3,000 respondents said they've had one-night stands while 14 percent admitted to all-out affairs. Meanwhile 20 percent said they would understand if their partners confessed to sleeping with someone else. But does it ever strengthen a couple? Find out below.

Equity balance is an important component to relationships. When a person feels like she's giving more or less than the other, problems, like cheating, are sure to follow. The person who's giving more feels unappreciated and under-compensated, so cheating is a way to restore the balance. The other half cheats to escape the guilt and general unpleasantness of profiting more from the relationship.

Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs, says cheating is a way for people to find what they're not getting. Having an affair to heat things up is far from a great strategy, she says, but it's not the worst. "Many, many people are able to use the affair as a wake-up call and end up so much happier." I doubt Elin Nordegren would agree.

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Join The Conversation
jocupcake jocupcake 6 years
If you need to have extra relationships on the side to keep you happy and "closer together" then you probably shouldn't be a hypocritical and promise to love one person exclusively for the rest of your life. I have yet to meet a single person who hasn't been or wouldn't be extremely hurt by cheating. And I highly doubt that hurting your partner is any way to strengthen your marriage.
WritingLikeCrazy WritingLikeCrazy 6 years
What if it constantly renews each partner and ultimately brings them closer together? Sounds strange, but I know some people who think dabbling outside of marriage is good. Check out my blog post, "Cheating: The Glue that Holds Us Together" and see what you think:
bronzebeauty719 bronzebeauty719 6 years
this is horrendous advice..while i do believe affairs force couple to communicate extensively in the healing process which could bring them closer... it definitely is not a way to refuel the "love" fire... affairs break trust and trust is the foundation of any and all relationships.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I don't think it's an ideal situation at all. That said, I think there are many worse things that you can do in a relationship and many people suffer from that, some on a daily basis.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
I would say cheating is the worst possible outlet to discover what you do and don't want from a relationship. Ever heard of sitting down and "soul-searching"? I'd rather do a lot of thinking about what I want out of a relationship than go fuck someone else to figure it out.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
While I think it's possible to recover from a hardship within a relationship stronger than before, I wouldn't recommend instigating an affair to mend things. I would recommend maybe not getting married if you need more than one intimate relationship on the go.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
Um... aside from violence, I'd say that cheating pretty much IS the worst way to "heat things up."
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
I suspect that an affair would allow the marriage to limp along a little longer than it other wise would. Your needs are being met, although not within the relationship. But I would think after awhile all that's missing in your relationship is just SCREAMING at you, and it becomes unbearable. Seems like the idea of sleeping next to someone every night, knowing you're a liar, would be burdensome. Doesn't it?
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
MissSushi MissSushi 6 years
If breaking a commitment to another and totally disrespecting them improves things, then you need to step back and seriously rethink your say of life.
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