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Can We Be More Than Just Friends With Benefits?

"Can We Be More Than Just Friends With Benefits?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So almost a year ago, the friends with benefits relationship I had for 9 months came to an end. We decided to end our arrangement on the basis that he may still have had feels for his ex and that I wanted to be in a relationship, but didn't feel that I was ready to be in one at that time so there was nowhere for us to go forward.

Fast forward 6 months and we ran into each other at a concert after not having seen or spoken to each other the whole time. We merged our groups together for the event and spent practically the whole time together. I never inquired, but I had the impression that he was still single as he would take any chance he had to hold my waist or grab my hand. I decided to let things be and I didn't contact him afterward.


Then about 3 months later, I had this urge to contact him and we met up for dinner. We never really dated when we were FWB a year ago, and this felt like an incredible first date with someone that I got along with and knew quite well. The whole time he was being flirty, and still not knowing what I wanted, I didn't make any moves, despite the fact that he embraced me as we waited in front of the bar. The next morning I felt horrible for not being more forward, realizing that I did in fact want something with him. I texted him saying that we should do something again soon as I had a great time, and we should not take 6 months to see each other again in an effort to show him that I'm interested. He replied instantly saying that he'll give me a shout soon.

That was a month ago. I haven't said a word to him, being preoccupied with my studies, work, friends, etc. But he's recently, in the last 2 or 3 days, been "liking" all my Facebook statuses and pictures even though he has never, ever done that before. Is that a sign that he wants me to contact him? I'm sure I'm over-analyzing this situation, but I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing since I already had to get over him once before, even though it wasn't even serious the first time. This time, I'm in for all or nothing, and I don't know if I currently have a chance, or if he's just being an overly friendly friend. So, should I just be forward and make the move to see him again, even though it's technically his turn to contact me? Will I not seem too forward if I do that? Any advice would be much appreciated!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Good advice from bubbles. I hear a lot of women say "I don't want to look desperate." But for me, desperate is that repeated attempt by a person, male or female, to get together with someone who has sent obvious signals, or just straight out said, "I'm not interested." I don't find it desperate to let a guy know that you'd like to see him. And for the most part, guys find it exciting when a woman has the confidence to make an approach. And most guys are usually pretty obvious about it when they want to see someone. There are some who get into the macho, traditional, dominant role and don't like when a woman makes an approach. Mostly, a guy will let you know, as bubbles says, with his actions, whether or not he's interested. I've said it before, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And if you make an attempt, and it doesn't bear fruit, that's just life. You tried, you took a shot, and you clarified the situation. Mostly, I think that when you want something, you have to be willing to do what's necessary to have that thing...and frequently that means taking some kind of emotional risk. The trick is to never bet your whole emotional well being on the outcome of someone else's bubbles says....there are too many great men out there to be laid waste because one doesn't work out. good luck with taking your shot!
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
When a guy is truly interested in a woman molten lava on his kicks will not stop him from marching his way to you. I'm with Henna. Done with the games. Have you two ever talked about what you're doing and what you hope for from each other? Btw, that's the way things should start to warm up if this doesn't work out. You will have another opportunity with someone you're crazy about, just to let you know. Have a conversation with him, in real life, and tell him how you feel about him and what you want. And then sit. No more words. Just watch. Make him make the next move, say the next thing. Let the silence torture you both if you must but don't rush in. If he just looks confused or uncomfortable, don't listen to the words, pay attention to how he's acting. If he bolts or looks like he wants to, he's not yours and you finally know and can move on. If he smiles, looks delighted or honey! And we're all happy for you. Let us know how it goes. Actually I'm happy for you if he says no. Too many great men out there to be moping for a dead end guy.
lostfreak121 lostfreak121 4 years
Thank you for your advice, it's definitely given be a boost of course go contact him and be the one to make the move. I hate these board game tactics, I just don't want to seem desperate! I definitely see what you mean by not having any expectations. I suppose what we really need to do is see if we're both on the same page and that we both want the same things and if we align, things could work out. Once again, thanks for your input and I'll definitely give him a shout in the next few days.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Technically his turn. I don't think relationships are well run when we treat them like a board game. I totally get the whole turn's great when it's providing some kind of balance. But when it's not, it's time to jettison the "game" and go for it. There's something you want, so do something about it. You'll never know if he's single and interested unless you ask him. Stop saying "let's get together" and then waiting for him to respond....just call him and make a date. Forget about the "game", the "rules", the "turn", and take a shot. And, by the way, be careful of those expectations I hear....that "all or nothing".....don't build a whole relationship or lifetime on those past experieinces....this is one step at a time. So take that first step, and see if he's on board for a date....and go from there. It's not all or's one step at a time. good luck, have fun, take care :)
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