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Can You Be Too Intimate?

Intimacy is a relationship necessity, but is there such a thing as too much intimacy? This is something I consistently debate with my girlfriends, which is why I was so glad to see it broached by Jake of Married Jake, one of Glamour's love and sex blogs.

Jake was confounded when his new wife asked him not to pee in front of her anymore. Her rationale is that now that they're in it for the long haul, they need to actually try and maintain the mystery. Certainly, the longevity of a serious relationship can allow people to get too comfortable, but once you've hit a certain level of intimacy, I'm not sure it's possible to just go back.

Instead, I'd recommend embracing your established level of familiarity but throw in an element of surprise. Develop that closeness in a new context — go on a trip or try playing out a sexual fantasy. I suppose this means I'm all for intimacy — though of course I think privacy, personal space, and alone time are important too — but what do you all think? Like Jake's wife thinks, is it possible to be too intimate? And if so, how do you maintain the mystery?


Join The Conversation
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I refuse to use the toilet in front of him but he apparently has no qualms about it! I told him to shut the door. He tells me it's because he's so comfortable and that I'm an extension of him but I'd rather not be introduced to his bowels! ;p Then again I worked in a care home and had people using the toilet in front of me all day long so... my boyfriend is different though.
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i'm not sure if it's possible to be TOO intimate but i think that it's easy to be too comfortable with someone. for myself - i don't really enjoy when my fiance pees with the door open, or when he shares too much about his 'functions' but i guess that it's just all a part of being in a relationship for a while and knowing that you're not going to risk turning someone off that quickly with that stuff.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
I don't think there can be too much intimacy between a husband and a wife. My husband and I pee in front of each other and it's not a big deal. I do think that a couple should have a life outside of the couple that the other partner doesn't have to (or doesn't want to) know all the details of. I do agree with Jake that you can't go back after you've peed in front of each other. Also, this pic reminds me of the episode of friends with the brother and sister who were too close. Rachel was dating the brother. Funny times.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I still don't know how someone using the bathroom in front of me would enable me to get close to them. Oh, wait, it doesn't. I just don't see the correlation. This also reminds me of having to clean the litter, my cat's damn messy!
cravinsugar cravinsugar 8 years
first...if it really bothers her, then she should lock bathroom when she goes in? i mean, we pee in front of each other, but that doesn't seem intimate to me...besides, I always wondered what it looked like when a guy pees lolololol second, I keep the mystery by continuing to do things spur of the today, i was getting ready to get in shower, instead i walked over to the boyf, started passoinately kissing him and then led him to the bedroom...but we still ended up in the i am helping him live out his sexual fantasies as best I can, and i just recently told him one of mine so i can't wait for him to make that happen!
sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 8 years
Ew. doubt I'd ever want to be that "intimate"....
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
YESSS... I want to keep some privacy or the cuteness wears off and then it's just gross. That's not intimacy that's just nasty. In my next live-in relationship I will maintain the mystery. Which is why I want to have separate bedrooms. I know it sounds like a breakdown in intimacy but it would make actually make the intimacy that much more cherished. Imagine your husband KNOCKING on your bedroom door and he opens it to lingerie and candles and gets to sleepover ALL night... that's special!! :D
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I think you can go back. Imagine a couple where the girl hangs out naked around the house all the time. Now imagine that her man has stopped checking her out and that frustrates her. My guess is if that girl put her clothes on and only showed herself to her man occasionally, he'd go back to checking her out when she was naked! As for whether there can be too much intimacy? It depends on the couple. Everyone wants different things.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 8 years
My BF and I (mostly at my suggestion), have tried to maintain a little mystery at various times. Although I'm not sure you can go back, I don't think there's any problem with the request to keep bathroom time private. Intimacy's great, but there's also something to be said for trying to keep it sexy for the long haul.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 8 years
i thought the topic was about too much touching, kissing or other intimate stuff, but not peeing lol...
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 8 years
Eeek, the same time in a porta-potty!?!?! That totally freaks me out!
Jmartens Jmartens 8 years
pee is okay but that is it!
princessgouveia princessgouveia 8 years
I have to say anything that is done on a toilet I don't want to do in front of my fiance and I don't want to see him do it either. We are very close and everything but seriously, there are some things that I just don't need to be there for. I've never had any relationship where I'd want to be there for absolutely everything like that and I've never had a man who did anything in the bathroom in front of me (besides shower).
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 8 years
Um, I'm not sure that's a real intimacy issue. I think she was just grossed out all along and didn't feel like she could say anything about it until now for some reason. I wouldn't really want to watch any bodily functions of my guy, just like I'm sure ( as GlowingMoon pointed out) that he would be less than enthusiastic to watch me during my period. Some stuff is just gross to some people, and the other person needs to respect that.
Deidre Deidre 8 years
I think each couple develops their boundaries on a need-for basis. But I do agree with Jake that it's weird to have certain boundaries, then have a problem with them after marriage. I hope to establish certain norms and then grow from them, not restrict them later (note I do not mean take peeing as a platform and work up to further bodily function sharing from there!). I'm just speaking generally. The whole point of dating and then being engaged and working up that relationship ladder with the person you're going to marry is to establish the foundation and move on from there.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 8 years
No going to the bathroom in front of one another.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
Yes, for me, it is possible to be too intimate. My husband does cross that boundary with me, which discomforts me. He pees (and poos) in the bathroom with the door open. To me, that's unsightly. We're working on that right now. I'm trying to get him to close that door, so I don't have to experience that visual, usually unexpectedly. Truthfully, if I did something like that to him, I don't think he would like it either. What if I openly took care of myself in front of him during my period?? He would be disgusted. I think there are some matters that are best done in private. JMHO.
Fallen85 Fallen85 8 years
I dont like to pee or anything of the sort in front of my man though I have watched him pee a couple times... did you know they really have to aim those things??? It's totally weird.
Meike Meike 8 years
Hey, whatever it takes for a couple to last in a strong relationship. There is no right or wrong. For us, we are completely happy with an incredibly high level of intimacy. We just feel so close and comfortable with each other.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
haha skigirl my bf won't pee in front of me either!!! I pee in front of him, whatever, it's like more hidden then when he pees hahaa! Of course I don't change my tampon in front of him or anything...but I consider peeing ok! We are pretty comfortable (aside form him peeing in front of me)...
said8me said8me 8 years
I dunno, my boyfriend and I are completely comfortable with each other and I don't think that's caused any intimacy issues. We just try to make everything fun! Granted, I need "me" time more than he does... and even when I get it, I can't wait to get back to spending time with him.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Yes. I think it's gross to pee in front of someone else. That's a rule I have in any relationship. Aside from that, I think "maintaining the mystery" just has a lot to do with being active - keeping your own interests and friendships vibrant, but also trying new things with your significant other and not forgetting to go on dates and do romantic things. I neglected activity in my last relationship and the interest disappeared...
skigurl skigurl 8 years
my ex was totally weird about the peeing in front of one another and my current bf has absolutely no qualms about it. while at an outdoor concert, we went into a porta-potty and both peed at the same that is close quarters. doesn't bother me, and now we're pretty open about some stuff. but there are some things that need to remain a mystery.
stumbler02 stumbler02 8 years
I disagree, I think it's possible to "go back"--it just might be difficult to do it if you've become accustomed to being completely free all the time around your partner. I think we can all agree that some intimate space is valuable in a long term relationship. Why not try to rebuild that if you've lost it? It can't hurt. I'm not saying you shouldn't let him catch a glimpse of you without makeup ever again, but I do think you should make an effort to acknowledge his presence through your behavior, and he should do the same.
Liz4aker Liz4aker 8 years
I agree with Jake in that I don't think it is possible to go back, but I do think couples need to maintain some distance and alone time.
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