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Caution - Bumpy Road Ahead

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months but we have already done the break up/make up thing a couple of times. He was in a rotten three year relationship before he met me. When we fight, he says some pretty awful things to me, threatens to leave me and goes back to his ex, etc..., but we always seem to work it out because deep down we really care about each other.

Last week my boyfriend borrowed my iPod and said he left it in a friend's car and would get it back as soon as he saw his friend again. I know that checking his e-mail isn't the right thing to do, but I did it anyway and saw an e-mail addressed to his ex asking for my iPod back. I was shocked to find out that the friend he was talking about was her.

I know I can't say anything because he doesn't know I checked his e-mail, but I don't understand why he didn't just tell me the truth. Is it worth investing any more in this relationship if he lies to me and I can't trust him? Now I am left wondering if they are just friends or if there is something more between them. Snooping Sydney

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Snooping Sydney
Trust is essential in any relationship. I feel like a broken record every time that I say that! If you feel the need to snoop behind your boyfriend's back only to discover he has been lying to you, then you might want to reconsider staying with him.

It must make you feel terrible when he says awful things to you during your arguments. Why do you stay? His threatening words and his lies are red flags that he is unstable and you are invading his personal space! This is a big betrayal and a huge indication of your lack of trust in him.

If you already know of his tendency to lie to you, you need to open the lines of communication with your boyfriend and decide once and for all if you think you have a happy, satisfying and loving future together. If not, I would put this guy behind you and move on.

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