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This or That: Children or Marriage?

You've snagged a guy who is everything that you've always wanted in someone, and the timing is great, too. You both seem to be at the same stage in your lives. You spend a weekend out of town together that only serves to cement how fantastic you think he is, and how great he makes you feel. When you get back, the talk inevitably turns to long-term wants and needs. Would it be worse to learn that . . .

This: He's just not sure if he'll want children? He might consider it down the road, but right now it's not something that he's planning on.

Or . . .

That: He's positive that he never wants to get married? While he believes in monogamous relationships, he's just not into the idea of something lasting forever.


Join The Conversation
mrskrismendoza mrskrismendoza 9 years
I don't want kids so the first might be good for me. This poll was confusing though.
Green Green 9 years
i wish we could skip the kids.
jJuliet jJuliet 9 years
This is definitely a relationship deal breaker. Because I want children, I don't plan on getting married until my fiance would consider having children with me. I also don't see myself having children without being married or planning to get married at some point--our society and our legal system make things much easier for married couples who live together and have children than unmarried couples who live together and have children. After some amount of time, I would probably find another guy rather than chose either option.
looseseal looseseal 9 years
Not wanting children would put a man in the plus column for me. In fact, it's not good enough that he "doesn't think he wants them right now" - he better be sure he never ever wants kids. Bonus points if he's a total child-hater. Oh yeah, I think I voted wrong, too... since I don't want kids, "that" would be worse, so I should have voted for "that". I voted "this" before fully reading the question because it's the one I like, bwahaha! We may need a do-over on this poll. It's really only a difficult choice if you happen to want both marriage and children. Which apparently most of us don't want one or the other or both! So much for the assumption that all women are crazy about marriage and children, eh?
sweetnshy5282 sweetnshy5282 9 years
that's a tough one because what if you marry him on the presumtion that you may sometime in the future have children and then a few years into the marriage you (or he) decides that you really want children and the other spouse has gone in the opposite direction? shouldn't a person have a pretty good idea of what thier future holds before marrying? I don't know. I am certainly not an expert. I am not married and have 2 children. but this would be a very tough decision....
Jillz1128 Jillz1128 9 years
Since I don't really think I want kids, I would be totally fine if he didn't either
emalove emalove 9 years
I don't know on this one... I love my husband and I love being married and I can't imagine life without him. But I can't imagine not having any children either. Terrible options!
katie_c katie_c 9 years
this would be a very difficult situation to be part of. i'd take the formal commitment of marriage over the other though. children can come later and who knows, maybe by then he'll be more into it too. who's to say i want children right away...?
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
I chose "this," because I don't think I want kids either! Sounds like the perfect guy to me. ;)
Meike Meike 9 years
That's easy. First option, my fiance and I don't want children.
ayanaphil ayanaphil 9 years
Where I am in my life right now, I don't want to get married so either option is win/win.
designergirl designergirl 9 years
At this point in my life, I'm a bit unsure whether I want to have kids or not. I'm not a kid person at all! So, if the guy doesn't want kids, fine by me.
sugarsister sugarsister 9 years
i chose it all backwards. it would be worse to have no commitment. i can live without kids but not my man
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Yeah, wording is a little confusing on this one. Or I'm just not paying enough attention :) Either way I voted the opposite of what I intended to. I wouldn't care if my boyfriend never wanted to get married, but was cool with having kids etc. It's not like marriage guarantees forever or anything. I'm surprised at the # of people who think they could convince someone to have kids if they aren't excited about it.
ayanaphil ayanaphil 9 years
I don't want kids, but the worse thing would be him not wanting to get married.
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
lol oops I think most of us voted for what we'd rather have rather than what would be worse I voted for this because i'd rather have a committed husband and see what happens with children than neither of the two at all
laluna27 laluna27 9 years
If it was the love of my life Id sacrifice having children to having a life full of love and happiness.
nancita nancita 9 years
Wait, are we voting on which one we'd chose? or which choice we WOUDLN'T want?
mnp mnp 9 years
I don't want kids so I picked "this". A committed man is harder to find. I have already decided that I can live without having kids of my own. I'll have more love for my nieces/nephews and my dog.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Easy. I pick marriage but no children because that's exactly what I want. In fact, in my life, I made this choice. My husband and I are child-free by choice, and this was one of the reasons we married. Oh. If someone doesn't want children, there's chance she or he will always feel that way. Don't think they may change their mind. My previous boyfriend thought I would change my mind, and continued on our relationship. Basically, he ignored what I said. We ended breaking-up because I "never changed my mind" on being child-free. :oy:
Marci Marci 9 years
A lot of guys aren't sure if they want kids but then change their minds. Very common. Then there are the men who think they don't want to marry, then meet a woman who just makes it all right; easy and non-threatening. So I would date the guy for awhile and see what happens; until I just couldn't move forward another day without plans for the future. I'm one of those women who was never interested in marriage. The fact that I'm engaged is a bigger surprise to me than to anyone else! Sooo, it works both ways.
marcella marcella 9 years
I think it's interesting that many of you commented that you could convince your boyfriend or husband that they want kids. That's a recipe for disaster!
isahrangme isahrangme 9 years
WAIT! The question says WHICH IS WORSE? What are we choosing? I chose which one was worse, not which I preferred.. I'd rather have kids though... I liked the single mother articles from Marie Claire
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 9 years
If I HAD to choose, I'd rather have kids than marriage. But I probably won't have kids unless I get married.
fashionhore fashionhore 9 years
I would have to go with being married with an iffyness on children. There is the possibility that he will change his mind, and if not, I have enough siblings for children to be running around.
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