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Closure Time

Dear Sugar,
My ex and I broke up three months ago. We dated for three years and always thought we'd end up together. This summer he turned into someone I didn't know anymore, so we broke up. He has mistreated me since the breakup and we've tried to be friends, but it's difficult because he's so mean to me. I never thought he could hurt me this badly but he has.

I'll try to get on with my life and I won't talk to him for about a week when all of a sudden out of nowhere he'll call me or write me an e-mail. Then I go right back to where I was after our breakup; depressed and hurt.

I don't want to be with him. I don't even feel in love with him anymore. I've told him to stop contacting me but he'll randomly e-mail me to tell me that he's dating someone new. Then the next day he'll ask me if I want to sleep with him. I always say no, but he's obviously just telling me he's dating someone else to hurt me. I don't know why it bothers me, but it's all just so cold hearted. What can I do to stop him from popping into my life? It's Ovah Winona

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear It's Ovah Winona
This guy is stepping all over you. You are making yourself sound as though you actually listen to the entire pitch when the cable company calls you during dinner. You need to be a little bit more serious about getting rid of him.

He's obviously not respecting your wishes if you keep telling him to stop contacting you but he doesn't listen. Just like any other habit you have, you need to somehow quit him. My advice is to go cold turkey.

Silence is punishment. Learn to ignore his e-mails, calls, etc.. Literally delete all contact with him. It sounds like he is enjoying toying with your emotions. Once he sees that he's not able to get inside your head any longer, he'll give up trying to reach you. The game no longer has a point. If I were you, I'd go out on dates and put this creep behind you!

Lea Lea 11 years
agreed with everything above. this boy is just being manipulative because he probably doesn't know what he wants either. one minute he wants you back in his life, and the next minute he's ready to be single and romance any girl he pleases. he knows that if he keeps you at arm's length, you'll never get too far away from him, and you'll always be there when he needs you. it's like you're his security blanket and no matter how much he wants to let you go, he really can't. i know three years is a long time to be with someone, but if you really want him out of your life, you just have to be strong. like pop said - ignore his calls, delete his emails before you even open them, and don't see him. instead, focus on yourself - go to the gym, read a good book, watch funny movies, get drinks with your friends, or start a new hobby that will keep you busy and your mind off this guy. good luck!
Nicadema Nicadema 11 years
He's a jerk and gets a perverse pleasure out of hurting your progression of getting over him. That is so selfish and insulting--especially with the manipulation of trying to get you to have sex with him. What a pig. Be glad you didn't marry this turd. Cut him off and move on. Change your e-mail, go to an unlisted phone number. This should be like big iron doors swinging shut.
lickety-split lickety-split 11 years
i agree, why bother with him? you have better things to do, like the new guy she suggested. if you do see him act bored, check your watch. if he catches you on the phone immediately start reading something and then say "oh i'm sorry i'm doing something right now and WE'RE about to leave i need to go". to bad he couldn't have left it alone so at least you had good things to remember him by.
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