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Clothes Horse

Dear Sugar
I recently moved into an apartment with my best friend. We have been like sisters since the fifth grade and we are both so excited to be roommates. When we were talking about getting a place together, I jokingly said "how fun, we will now have twice as many clothes!"

Well, I guess when I said that, my friend too it just a little bit too literally. We have only been living together for a few months and while I sincerely don't mind her borrowing my things, I would just appreciate being asked or informed about it.

On numerous occasions, I have come home from work to see her wearing not one item of mine, but entire outfits head to toe! When I try and gather my clothes back I usually find them flung on her floor, or in her closet in a ball in the corner...and never dry cleaned.

All I ask is that she return my things that night to my room, and ask before she takes something so I know what she has and I can plan on not wearing it. How do I approach this situation without causing tension between us? Irritated Angie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Irritated Angie
I don't blame you for being annoyed at your friend. Your roommate should treat your things with the same respect you do hers. Living with your best friend can be somewhat challenging as all girlfriends occasionally fight but it is important to tell her how you are feeling.

Honesty is always the best policy and if you keep your frustration inside, it is bound to build up and it could explode. It's always important to set ground rules with your roommates, not matter if they are your best friend or a total stranger.

Finding a way to cohabitate takes trial and error, so while you thought the communal closet was a good idea at first, reevaluating the rules shouldn't cause too much tension between you two. Perhaps creating a check out sheet would be helpful to keep an inventory of what's on loan.

Tell your roomie that going forward, when you borrow each others things, that person should be responsible for washing and putting them back where they came from. I am sure your best friend will appreciate your honesty -- after all, if she wants to keep borrowing your clothes I am sure she will play by your rules.

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rubialala rubialala 10 years
Honesty is the best policy, but I suggest never living with "best friends" ever! My best friend was living with a guy who was not right for her (by her own admission), but she couldn't afford to live on her own so I agreed to get an apartment with her. Yeah, they never broke up and when she tried to break up with him one night, he tried to kill himself in our apartment. I moved out, she didn't understand why, and we haven't spoken since.
chutzpah chutzpah 10 years
Angie, I totally understand your dilemma. I was in your shoes many years ago. I moved into an apartment with my best friend and it only lasted 6 months. She didn't borrow clothes because we weren't the same size (I lucked out on that one!) but she decided she didn't like my boyfriend and told me I had to choose my boyfriend or her...I chose my boyfriend who has been my husband now for many, many years. Too bad the friendship had to end but that's life! Set down the ground rules for clothing before you lose your friendship...or decide if your clothes are more important than your girlfriend. Whichever you choose will be the right decision in the end.
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