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Codependent Relationship Issues

"I'm Codependent and in Desperate Need of Advice"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I really need advice on two different parts of this: the overall codependency issue and one specific guy.

When I'm not in a relationship with anyone, I feel OK. I spend more time with my friends, I go out, I keep active, but I do generally enjoy being in a relationship more than not being in one. This doesn't mean I actively look for relationships, but when I do have one it kind of takes over me.


So when I am in a relationship, I overthink everything. I analyze every detail, and I get in way over my head. I try to guess when the guy will want to hang out so I can plan my schedule around him. I fall, hard. And at the same time, I try not to show it. I'm a little afraid of being too easy, not enough of a challenge, so I make sure that he usually texts me first, he is the one making the dates and etc. But at the same time, giving him that control makes me very anxious.

This is all general. The specific guy I am seeing now is giving me a whole new dimension of trouble. We've been dating, and sleeping together, for over two months. However, in a recent conversation he told me that he isn't ready to commit to me, but that he can see it happening in the future. I feel a bit uncomfortable with this, as I am not sure if he's leading me on or not (even if he doesn't realize it). And my co-dependency (or whatever you'd like to call it) is making it very hard for me to handle potentially being rejected, I have had friends tell me that if I'm not getting what I want out of the relationship then I should probably leave, but I'm not sure I could work up the strength to do it when I still feel like there's hope.

This is not quite as well worded as I wanted it to be, I apologize for my thoughts being all over the place. I really just need some advice on how to stop feeling like the guy I'm with, in general and this specific guy, is the be all and end all. I don't know how to restrain myself. I have good friends, I have my own activities, but somehow he just comes in and makes everything else seem less important. I don't want it to be that way, I want to have my own passions be as important if not more important than the guy in my life. And in this case specifically, I'd like to know if I need to walk away, and how to do so.

Thanks all.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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