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Complicated Relationship With My Ex

"Will My Ex Ever Want to Settle Down?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex-boyfriend and I have a complicated relationship. We broke up in May last year because he needed time, we got back together briefly, and then broke up again May this year. We've been talking and going out every now and then, as friends. Last night we went out, and had a great time as usual, but I just told him I can't handle the "friends" thing anymore, and that maybe I should take some distance from him to heal and move on. He told me he doesn't want that, and that he wants to have a relationship with me, but not right now, and so I ended up kind of accepting that he is not going to get out of my life and I'm starting to wonder if he's ever going to be ready. 

My best friends tell me that he is never going to be ready, he should be by now since it's been so long since he asked for time, he is behaving like a teenager (he is 30), and that he is too passive to even do something and step up. They think I should stop talking for real this time.


On the other hand, I love him and him telling me that he wants a relationship gave me some kind of hope. I'm not the clingy kind of person, I've gone out with other people, and I have given them a chance, but I just haven't found someone else. It's not like my friends say (they claim that I would never look at other guys, but I can, it's just that there is nobody else). It's too hard for me to stop talking to him, he is not a bad person, and he is nice and sweet. Whenever I tell him I want him out (I've done it twice), he gets super sad, and starts asking me to forgive him for everything he has done, but yet he can't compromise. I know that he isn't seeing anybody else, so that's not the case, but the friends thing is too hard, I know I have to think of myself first, and put myself as a priority but you guys know how hard it is to just end something after so long — that's what I think that my friends don't understand.  Whenever something happens to him I want to run to his side, but I can't because I'm not his girlfriend anymore.

I don't know what to do. Should I disappear? Considering how hard it is for me to not reply to his texts/emails/calls, should I give him the time he needs? But what happens when (if) he's ever ready? Will he meet my expectations? I want to get married and have a family with him, but he feels pressured. Will he ever be ready? That is something that only he knows, but I want to hear if there is anybody with a similar experience. This turned out to be a venting-kind of post. Thank you all for all of your advice, bring on the tough love haha. I appreciate it. 

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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