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Is Complication A Deal Breaker?

Dear Sugar
I have been working with a girl over the past seven months, that I have really grown to like in a romantic way. She has a very complex past which is the only reason this situation is problematic. She is 22 years old and just had a baby with a man who wants nothing to do with her. They are still working through their breakup and I know this hasn't been easy on her.

I think about her all the time and can't deny my feelings anymore. I know she isn't looking for a relationship right now but is it worth taking a chance and telling her how I feel? If we were to start dating things would be quite complex. Should I knowingly sign up for this challenge, or should I just keep the relationship in the friend zone? Conflicted Christopher

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Conflicted Christopher
Timing is everything when it comes to making a relationship work so if you know your work hottie isn't ready to be in a relationship, you might want to hold off expressing your feelings until her life is a little more settled. It sounds as though your crush could use all the support she can get so be her friend and see what happens.

If you still can't hold back your feelings and decide her convoluted life isn't too much for you, try saying something like this that is to the point but will not make her feel pressured:

"I know you are going through a lot right now and I don't mean to complicate matters even more for you, but I have to be honest and tell you my feelings for you have developed into something stronger than a friendship. I just wanted to let you know in case you were feeling the same way."

Keep in mind that your crush has her hands full with a new baby and a fresh breakup, so be prepared if she still isn't ready to date again right away. If you sense hesitation in her reaction, tell her that you are willing to take things slow. I hope it works out for you.

Join The Conversation
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 10 years
I think you should tell but prepare yourself for the risks. Maybe she'll ask you for some time to think about it or to take things slowly. But if you don't say anything she won't know how you feel and might meet someone else without giving you a chance.
Ms_Magnificent1 Ms_Magnificent1 10 years
I think you should just be her friend right now...spend alot of time with her and that itself will show her you care. In time you will MOST LIKELY have this girl falling in love with you...but right now is NOT the time to tell her you want to be with her. I have a friend who was in the situation except she was the girl...and she did not appreciate the guy. He totally loved her but she wasn't ready at that time for a new relationship. Just give it time sweetie...if its meant to be it will be.
janey janey 10 years
Tell her. You could be missing out on something great.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
dear chris, No, no and just friends. this has heart break written all over it. you said it yourself "she isn't looking for a relationship right now". i would think that it would be at least several months before a new mom would be interested in starting anything romantic. there are lots of unattached, emotionally healthy women out there you know, just waiting for a guy who wants to be in a relationship. surely one of them is right for you. i'm bringing naughty back :naughty_elves:
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