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Confronting a Lying Man

Group Therapy: How Do I Confront a Liar?

This is an excerpt from a Group Therapy question in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

About 3 months ago an older but extremely charming man asked me out: he currently lives in Asia (I am in London) but he runs a global business so is in Europe often. We met for dinner and had such amazing chemistry we have spoken or emailed every other day since and spend every night he is in London together — which has been 4 occasions now over the past 3 months. Last time he was here he asked me what I wanted out of us; and I openly told him that 14 hours apart was a little too long distance for me, I had just gotten out of a long relationship so was without agenda but very much enjoyed his company/liked him and would like to take things one day at a time. 

But then she googled him. See what she found out here.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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GregS GregS 7 years
He's looking for play toys. There's an old saying, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander." Dikke kus has an interesting idea. You could play along, at least for awhile until you find something better - and you will. Money is obviously not an issue with him. Only question is, what would you see in the mirror in the morning?
Toomuchdistance Toomuchdistance 7 years
Bye bye dude. Nice knowing you... not!!!!
vmruby vmruby 7 years
Once a liar always a're already off to a bad start.Forget about the chemistry you have it's time to pull the plug on this loser.....
dikke-kus dikke-kus 7 years
Well its up to you. If you want to play, then play. Get a house or condo out of the deal, sounds like he can afford it. Then let him know after he throws some of that spare money into your bank account in your name only that you're not interested anymore, you have a nice guy you met who wants to get married. Sorry, but I'm sure you understand darling. Well, then again, maybe you should take the high road. Ah, well, depends on many things.
Caitie64 Caitie64 7 years
Lying about anything is a deal breaker for me, lying about children shows he doesn't plan on seeing you as important enough to introduce you to them, but I don't know him so he could just not want to have them meet and get attached to someone that might not stick around and I say to confront him you should do it over video chat so you can see his expressions and know from those if it looks like he's lying.
joriss joriss 7 years
Married..? children..? Two components of men that girls should consider on making a decision. Keep that in mind when you decided to make one.
hibiscus96818 hibiscus96818 7 years
You can try to confront him about his lies, but if he is anything like my ex he will just lie about his lies. I dated an older guy for several months at the end of last year before he deployed overseas. He told me he was divorced and had no children. We talked about getting married when he got back to the states, I let him live with me for several weeks before he deployed because we wanted to spend as much time together as possible before being seperated for 12 months. 6 weeks after he deployed I found out he was married (from a friend, he never actually had the balls to tell me himself). Yesterday we ran into each other and he lied about everything...tried telling me that he had told me he was seperated, not divorced, swore that he told me he had 2 children, was awful. I would much rather have never seen him again than have him lie to me all over again. Good luck, but my suggestion would be to BAIL.
DeMaria482 DeMaria482 7 years
disappear on him. i had an ex who is pathological liar. I tried to confont him. He continued to live with his lies and turned the tables around. I wasted almost few months on him. And he refused to let me go until i had to move out of my place so he won't know where my apartment number is and blocked my number from him. It was pretty scary.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
You: "I have found out you have lied about various things in your life. I am not interested in continuing this any further. Take care and bye-bye!" Click.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
If I were in your shoes, I would forget about him. Take your losses, and walk away. If he ever contacts you, gently confront him about what you know, and tell him you lost interest in him.
maggie87 maggie87 7 years
I have been in a similar situation. I started talking/seeing this guy. Things were a little weird so I knew something was up. He mentioned seeing my FB photo so I looked him up and his relationship status: married. Later he texted me- confessing that he was getting a divorce. I needed to get the whole story and Im glad I did. He had 4 kids, 3 from his wife. And given the time frame, there is no way he was getting a divorce. I'm glad I got out ASAP. But I think I would have had trouble if I didn't have the whole story. Get out, but get the story first. That way you can prove to yourself that you really deserve better, without any doubts.
weffie weffie 7 years
Well if he was REALLY high-profile I'd at least consider tricking him into knocking me up... child support + hush money = gold digging dream! ;) Seriously though, what a creep... Your "amazing chemistry" isn't even real, because it's between you and a fake character he's playing. It sucks that you've been fooled, but if you continue having anything to do with him you'll only hurt yourself more.
Raynne413 Raynne413 7 years
The lying about the kids shows that he has no intention of moving into anything serious, and he probably IS married. However, I can see him not bringing up his family. Who wants to worry about whether or not they are being used by someone that might be a gold digger, and only interested in them for their money?
Studio16 Studio16 7 years
If you want to be classy (as I'm sure you do, what woman says, 'I want to handle this situation as trashily as possible?') the best thing to do is email him and say, "I found out some information about you, and it's not exactly what you told me. I really don't like it when guys lie to me. Especially about things as important as being married. I'm sorry, but you're married, and besides that, I just feel like we're at different stages in life. It was nice getting to know you, but I think it's time we go our separate ways." I'm sorry this happened to you. Some guys are just so gross.
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 7 years
OP, I've dealt with something like this too, but not with a high-profile guy and the lies weren't serious like yours. But lies are still lies of course. I never confronted the guy and I was pissed. But I said to myself, if I did, how do I know what he is saying is true since he lied about the other things as well? Confront him if you like, to get out all the anger. But he might be spinning stories around and stuff to make it seem like you are wrong.
medenginer medenginer 7 years
If you feel the need to communicate send him an email and ignore any further response. If he's lying this early there's no telling what else you don't know about him because he's lying by omission. Next contestant. Slide him off the red food tray and go down the buffet of men to add a different man to your tray.
ladylove004 ladylove004 7 years
Pistil said it all, I wouldn't say anything, I would just stop communicating with him, and I agree that at least you found out now instead of months or even years from now.
brindey brindey 7 years
If you stay, you won't ever trust him again. Fail. Go find a better hottie.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I wouldn't confront him about it at all, I would just forget about it. He played you, end of story. What kind of resolution do you want? At least you found out sooner than later.
kismekate kismekate 7 years
Totes married. Get out now.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
OP, You have to take action, but you also have to take care of your emotional needs (release your anger). Make sure you set up a plan to do both.
-joiedevivre- -joiedevivre- 7 years
If you want to keep it poised: phone him (maybe with that cocktail in hand and keeping it cool and classy, say: ‘this is what I found out, I don’t appreciate being lied to, we are finished’. You will move on easily, his life is obvi complex --ei having to lie about his family/ name/ marital status/ his kids can’t be that great for the soul. So in the end you win. Def dump though.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 7 years
For the love of God END IT! Contact the PR department of a rival company or a gossip rag with your story. Maybe that would help you feel avenged.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
He's married. Bail.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 7 years
He lied outright to you. That's a deal breaker. you don't mend a relationship after such a lie because it means he will continue to lie to you. Break it off.
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