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Controlling Parents Don't Like Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Controlling Parents Don't Like Current Boyfriend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I'm currently in a relationship with a man I truly love. He's smart, handsome, and he is very strong-willed, but my parents do not approve of him. In the past I have always gone for the "artistic" type of man. They were the kind who wrote songs for me, who showed their affection for me through artistic expression. This kind of expression of love is what my parents enjoy about the men that I normally choose, mostly because they were able to show affection easily.

The man I am currently with is not like the boyfriends of my past at all. My boyfriend is athletic, well spoken, handy, and not a wallflower AT ALL. In other words, he is verryyyy different from boyfriends in the past. We balance each other out well because I am very creative and artistic, and I introduce him to new thoughts and ideas, and he does the same for me. I've really gained so much confidence with him as well because he truly loves me for ME . . . which I never really had in the past.


Keep reading for the rest of this reader's dilemma and to offer your advice!

Anyway, my problem lies with the fact that my parents are uncomfortable with my boyfriend. My mom is especially judgmental, and she sees this relationship as just another failure. Nothing is more disappointing to my mom than "failure." I tend to be picky with who I choose as my boyfriend, and I've been in two other serious relationships. The last serious relationship I was in lasted for four years. We moved in together and it didn't work out, and my parents are very confused about why, although I explain to them that living with someone is very different from just dating them.

My parents are trying to keep me and my current boyfriend apart (I'm 26 years old and I find it to be ridiculous). I try to convince them of my love for my current boyfriend, but they are being thick-headed. I am finally in a relationship where I can see a future with someone and my parents are getting in the way.

I need advice on how to show them that my boyfriend and I are serious, and that the way he is different from the other relationships I have is a good thing.

Side note: my boyfriend and I do live together . . . and I love living with him.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
looseseal looseseal 6 years
Strange, usually type-A parents who can't tolerate "failure" hate the artistic type boyfriends and love the alpha type (it sounds like the current boyfriend is an alpha). Anyway, I would suggest talking to each parent one-on-one so they can't gang up on you. And don't bring your boyfriend along for this talk, because that might hurt their pride to be talked to like that in front of someone they barely know, and hurting their pride might make them dig in their heels on this issue, you wouldn't want that.
jocupcake jocupcake 6 years
Have you had a talk with your parents yet? I guess if I were in this situation, I would basically call them out on their bad behavior. Tell them you really love this guy. Make sure they understand that your last boyfriend treated you like crap towards the end and your new boyfriend, just a friend at the time, was the one who took care of you. And lastly, tell them you're hurt by their reaction towards your new boyfriend because it is 1) not how he deserves to be treated and 2) not how you expected your parents to react to you being happy. It sounds like you broke up with your long-term boyfriend and got together with this new guy rather quickly... so maybe they are just having trouble dealing with that? I think it'd probably be a good idea for them to spend more time with your new boyfriend so that they can get to know him and learn to accept that he's going to be sticking around. I think the "I'm really disappointed in you" card is probably the best way to play your parents right now.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 6 years
How much time have your parents spent around your boyfriend? Maybe they need some time with him to get to know him better and see how good you guys are together. You don't really say what they are donig to try to keep you apart other than verbally expressing their disapproval to you. You are an adult and you live with this guy, so I don't see your parents succeeding at keeping you apart unless you let them. I understand that it's important for your parents to approve of and like your man, and they may need a little more time to see that he's sticking around and that you guys are a good match even if he's different from the past. You also mentioned how disappointed your mom is with failure, but it doesn't sound like she is willing to let you learn from past "failures" in the relationship department by supporting your decisoin to be with someone new and different. If your parents are still hung up on why your last relationship didn't work out, then they will need to let that go before they're ready to accept a new guy. I'm not sure how long ago your last relationship ended or how long you have been with the new guy, but I think if this guy is as great as you say he is, your parents will eventually be able to move on from your last relationship (as you have) and hopefully embrace your new guy.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
I feel like there is a missing piece here. Are they really just mad this this guy doesn't write you love songs and paint portraits of you? Did you move very quickly out from the other guy's place into this guy's place or something? For me, my parents like a boyfriend when he treats me well and them respectfully. I guess my only advice would be to highlight those two things around them.
missmaryb missmaryb 6 years
Oh my, they are really sticking their noses in where they don't belong. Of course they want you to be happy, but you are a grown woman and you need to make your own successes and failures now. Your choices are yours to make. Have you tried sitting down and talking to them about how they are making you feel and reminding them that you're not a child anymore? If this guy is as great as he seems to be then they should be there supporting you and encouraging your happiness. Other than talking to them (maybe your boyfriend should be there too) I'm not sure how you can "convince" them of anything. There are deeper issues than just their disapproval, since they can't seem to let you grow up. I wish you luck, I hope they will realize that it's time to let you go.
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