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Controlling Relationship

"Is This a Controlling Relationship?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been with my boyfriend for seven months now, and we decided to move in together after three months because he had to find a new house. His mum also moved in with us — she used to live with him before — but I was fine about it because I get on well with her. I didn't tell my mum and my sister that we were moving in together because I thought they would get upset that I didn't ask for their advice. I wanted to wait a few months and tell them, but my mum found out about two months after I moved in with him and got very upset that I lied to her. My mum and sister believe that he persuaded me to move in together, but I wanted that too.

It was fine until last two weeks. One day after Uni I went to see my friend and told him about it. When we were having coffee with my friend, my boyfriend texted me saying he just passed the cafe we were at and rang me. He said he was going to work and I said that I would call him back, but he hung up and we had a massive fight after because he was offended that I didn't invite him to have a coffee with my friend — he basically said I have no manners. So he was giving me the silent treatment for two days and I felt guilty about it the whole time. I told my best friend and my sister about that and they said that he acted like a child.


Everything seemed to settle down before my sister came to visit me for a day about a week after that incident. I didn't see her for six months because she lives in a different country but I wanted her to meet my boyfriend — he even took a day off work. But my sister told me she wanted to have sister time without him, which I thought was fair, but I also wanted her to get to know the person I live with. My boyfriend said he would be babysitting for his sister in the morning, so I thought me and my sister could spend some time together and he could join us in the afternoon. He got upset, saying that he took a day off from work and I just messed him like that. I knew I got myself into a stupid situation because I waited to tell him until the last minute, so I apologized.

I can understand his reaction but I didn't think it would get worse. I kept texting him during the day but he didn't text back, then when me and my sister came home, he just ignored us. When my sister left, we had a big argument. I wanted to find out why he got so upset, because if that had been his sister and he'd wanted to be with her alone for a while, I would understand. He said that I don't know what a serious relationship is because if I really cared about him, I would have told my sister that he would come with us whether she wanted it or not. He also said that if she really cared about me, she would have stayed  longer than one day because she had about twelve days in my country and spent most of the time at our mum's house. He said that my sister only came to spy on him and tell my mum everything about him because my mum has never met him, then added that I should stop listening to everybody's advice and start thinking for myself — otherwise I will be a pushover for the rest of my life. I told my sister about this argument because I was so confused, then she said that he is a controlling person and that I should dump him. It's been okay between my boyfriend and I ever since, but I am still not sure what's happened. I think I need to hear an objective opinion on the whole situation.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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