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This Could Be a Problem

OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl posted an online-dating dilemma. Can you help?

I reactivated my profile a while back. I've started emailing with a few guys, but they really haven't been going anywhere. But I've had my profile checked out by at least four 60+ year olds. One actually emailed me saying he was really interested in getting to know me, despite the 38 year age difference. That gives me the heebie-jeebies and makes me want to deactivate my account immediately, but boys will be boys at any age, I guess.

Back to the point here . . . I have been talking to one guy for about two weeks. He seems nice, is very open about himself, and appears to have a good head on his shoulders. Until yesterday when he dropped a bit of a mini bomb on me: he doesn't drive. At all. Now I admit he has a very good reason for not driving (I'm not going to get into detail, so don't ask), but wow. Then he says, "I hope that isn't a problem." Well, it kind of is.

Now the reason he doesn't drive isn't the problem, although I admit it would take some getting used to. It's the fact that he doesn't drive. He lives at least a good hour away from me. Actually I think it's more like one and a half hours . . . it's been a really long time since I've been over his direction. The fact that he doesn't drive means that I'll be doing all the driving if we were to date. I don't like that fact. This is why I don't like long distance relationships. They suck.


Read more about Rantings of Single Girl's dilemma after the jump.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, why did you start talking to him if he lives that far away? Well, one, I try to respond to all my emails on Match . . . unless I have a damn good reason not to. Two, if things did spark with any guy who lives one-two hours away from me, then there is such a thing as meeting in the middle. At least until you figure out if you're compatible and so on.

Yet there will be no meeting in the middle with this guy. In fact, he has to live in an city that has public transportation so he can get around. Um, where I live, the concept of public transportation is laughable. I can't think of any place in a 50-mile radius that has public transportation (which is sad, but that's another story). Sigh.

I don't know what to do. I mean, the guy has potential. Except for that teeny tiny fact that he doesn't drive. It sounds so petty to say that I don't want to pursue this further because of that reason, but it's a big problem. Especially when you live in the rural South and driving is a pretty essential thing.

Want to see more? Start following Rantings of a Single Girl or start your own OnSugar Blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

Source: Flickr User Orin Zebest

Raynne413 Raynne413 7 years
I learned early on that if there is something about someone that bothers you immediately, then there is no reason to pursue it. Plus, do you really want to be in the kind of situation where YOU are having to put forth all of the effort?
Allytta Allytta 7 years
Autumns_Elegy, i'm 22 and I don't drive. I live in metropolitan city where driving around cost enormous amount of money, plus gas that is much more expensive than in US, plus road taxes... Learning to drive was never on my priorities list, but yeah when I have kids and move to the suburbs it might become an issue.
janneth janneth 7 years
An hour away? Big deal. You haven't even met him yet. Give it a shot. The strange thing is that we don't know the reason, and it could influence the advice we are all trying to give you...
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
Weellll... considering you admit he has a very good reason for not driving, I don't really know how to help out with that one. But your last line stating that "long distance relationships suck" should be reason enough not to go any further, whether he drives a car or not. It's probably not worth trying something you already have such negative feelings about in the first place.
Ac2366 Ac2366 7 years
I dated and lived with a guy who had no liscense and didn't know how to drive. It was hell. I also live in an area where you need a car to get around. I never had any time alone because he couldn't go anywhere and when he needed something I had to drive him to get it. It was like living with a child. His reasons for not having a liscense were also questionable. I don't think you're wrong for being concerned about this and if it bothers you now it will bother you later. I don't ignore little red flags like this anymore.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 7 years
I always thought learning to drive was one of those essential skills a person had to have. I'm certain at some point in this guys life he'll have to sit behind the wheel of a car. Then again, who am I to talk? I have had my learners permit for two and a half years now and I don't want to face taking the test again for a VERY long time.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I agree with sillygirl73. I wonder if he's going to make an effort to at least meet you halfway when it comes to transportation and getting together. If it's in the beginning of the relationship and he's not even willing to make that extra effort, forget about him, there are many fish on the online dating world :)
sillygirl73 sillygirl73 7 years
When I met my husband I lived in Baltimore and he lived in Washington D.C. and he didn't own a car. The first thought in my head was to forget him and find some other guy to date. I made it quite clear I was not about to play chauffeur every time we went on a date. He told me I didn't have to. We came to an agreement that every other weekend he would come up, by train, to Baltimore and take me out. Even if he had to hire a taxi for us to get around on our dates. If this guy is willing to date a woman who lives far away, knowing he can't drive, then he should be willing to put forth the effort to take you out. If he isn't, then move on. He can't provide the standard necessities of a date, driving said date around, so what can he offer instead? He should offer something. If he offers nothing, then that's what he is, a nothing.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
I don't think it is going to work. Especially because you are not willing to drive over there which is completely understandable. Why should you do all the work? You've only been talking to him for 2 wks. Maybe you should meet first to even see if it will be doable. You guys should agree to meet half way. Then see where it goes. Good luck to you.
bluestar bluestar 7 years
When the oldies contact you, ask them how much money they have. That's what I used to do because it's super annoying and inappropriate and they know it! Start emailing someone else...if you're already feeling like there's a problem then there's no reason to go any further. That's the good thing about internet dating, you can figure stuff like that out and move on, when needed.
ManiMartinixo ManiMartinixo 7 years
I don't drive because it was never a real issue until now. I'm currently trying to get my license and a car though because my boyfriend is four hours away and I don't enjoy the long distance. If you don't enjoy it either give him some driving lessons or don't get involved :]
hypnoticmix hypnoticmix 7 years
"This is why I don't like long distance relationships. They suck." Uhm I think you've stated the obvious solution, don't get in one. I gave up owning a car my self in 02 at first for financial reasons and then I never bought another for environmental reasons. Having made this choice I moved were I wouldn't miss having a car and there's excellent public transportation. When I was dating guys use to ask me why I don't have a car and a simply replied because I don't need one. Why pay for something you don't need? They couldn't argue with that.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
I was in a relationship where I was the only driver for a while. It sucked. The guy was not worth it. This guy might be, but he might not. Long distance relationships are hard enough when two people in a solid relationship are separated. Beginning a relationship long distance is not something I would commit myself to (and in your case so much of the effort will have to be on your part). Weigh your options, but remember there are plenty of fish on the internet.
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