Feeling ho hum about your sex life? Have a productive talk with your partner and get busy!
Whether you want sex more than your guy does or he desires intimacy more than you do, the bottom line is this: out-of-sync sex drives can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Why is this? Because as long as one partner is always playing the role of "pursuer" and one partner is always playing the role of "rejecter," someone's going to start to feel resentful . . . and that's where most breakups begin.
Now, this doesn't mean you and your partner are necessarily headed for splitsville just because you're not on the same page sexually. However, it does mean that you should to get to the bottom of your sex drive imbalance and work it out together — as a team. This is definitely possible for couples willing to put in a little bit of work. Here's how to do it:
If your guy wants more sex than you do:
In general, men use sex to feel close. What's the difference with women? They need to already feel emotionally connected in order to get intimate. If you're finding it hard to get excited about sex, or you're feeling pressured by your guy, talk to him about it. Let him know that you need him to show up for you, that he needs to be nurturing and sweet outside of the bedroom. You could say something like:
"For me, foreplay starts outside of the bedroom, and it's that ongoing connectedness that I need to feel in order to get excited for sex. For example, I'd love it if you would compliment me, give me massages, or bring me coffee just because you love me and want to make me feel good. Because right now, I feel like you only do those things to get me in the bedroom. Is that a shift you feel comfortable with?"
To find out what to do if you want more sex than your guy does, head to YourTango
— Heather Baker
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