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Couples' Sleep Positions

Group Therapy: We Sleep Like a Married Couple — Not in Love

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

When my boyfriend and I sleep he tends to roll WAY over to his side. There's a great gap between us; the king size bed makes it especially lonesome. Is it weird that I'm taking this personally? We're talking about a guy who's asleep here! But I can't help but feel a bit sad. It couldn't be that he's upset with me about something and is being distant because he's a no-nonsense type of guy, and if I did something to piss him off he'd have told me. He's just really distant in bed! I'm a really touchy feely, clingy type of girl (though not annoyingly so, I'm just . . . really loving, so I'm taken aback by it. Also, I should mention that while we have been dating for a few years now, this is a fairly new realization to me as we only see each other 1-2 weeks a year. You'd think that the other 98% of the year that we spend apart would have made him clung to me but . . . no.

Maybe I'm just being oversensitive. Besides there isn't really much you can do with this kind of thing (I mean as I said he's asleep for cripes sake, what can he do right?), so it's not like talking to him will do anything but make him feel bad . . . I guess I'm just wondering if any of you guys have had the same problem? Whether or not you have how do you think I should handle it?

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TammyO TammyO 7 years
Seriously, I love my husband and sleep the same way. Even when we started dating it was all cuddles and fine while we were awake but when I was ready to sleep I needed SPACE. Some people are like that, they can't just fall asleep with someone all up against them. I feel like I can't breathe when that happens. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person you go to bed with if you want space when you sleep.
JessieSP JessieSP 7 years
Don't overreact on this one. Sometimes people just want a little space at night. You can't snuggle all the time, it's annoying, especially to a man.
HappyKate HappyKate 7 years
Hes sleeping...your clingy...chill out go to bed
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
It is important for two people to talk about turning their back to each other. Every night, when I get tired of sleeping on my right side, I turn over onto my left side. I am not trying to offend anyone, it's just that the boold vessels on my right side get tired after a while. People need to talk these things over, so there is no misunderstanding or hurt feelings. This reminds me of the time I had a big argument with my (now) ex-girlfriend. I realized later that she had no idea why I had gotten so angry -- and I never told her why, either. When all else fails, communicate.
dfserine dfserine 7 years
Well, just ask if he wouldn't mind cuddling for a bit before he goes to sleep. I doubt he will mind... I'm sure he will enjoy you shimmying your booty up to him. lol then when you are both close to sleep... one of you rolls away to snore.
karlotta karlotta 7 years
My BF and I used to cuddle at night. As the years go by, the need to be glued to each other constantly has been taken over by the need to sleep comfortably - but we're crazy about each other, so it's got nothing to do with levels of affection, don't take it personally!! We make up for it in many different ways : we cuddle when we get to bed, and when we wake up in the morning; and he often goes to bed a few hours after me, so he snuggles with me before I fall asleep, and I go back to bed for a few minutes when he wakes up in the morning, and sometimes we'll watch a little show together to regroup before the day starts or when it ends. It makes up for the 8 hours of "I need my space, get away from me with your heat radiating body!" Maybe you should see if this kind of stuff would relieve your anxiety?
ManiMartinixo ManiMartinixo 7 years
I think you're taking it too personally. My boyfriend tends to roll away from me when we sleep because I'm like a little furnace and my body gets too warm to cuddle all night. He usually rolls back when the room cools down though.
katiekat95 katiekat95 7 years
Maybe he's just SO used to sleeping alone 95% of the time.
inlove23 inlove23 7 years
Totally agree skigurl. My boyfriend and I cuddle, but as soon as we are ready to fall asleep we both roll over. We both can't sleep super cuddled up. It's completely normal don't worry about it! However, I would be majorly concerned about only seeing him 1-2 weeks out of the year???
Chrstne Chrstne 7 years
While I appreciate cuddling at night for a bit, in order to fall asleep, I need to be cool and I have to have my own space. When my boyfriend or I get tired, we give each other a kiss and then roll over to our respective sides of the bed, facing away from each other. We have a king sized bed, too - we like our space when we sleep! We have been together for three years, and we love each other very much. Sleeping is sleeping. The way you sleep most comfortably has absolutely nothing to do with the state of our relationship.
Liss1 Liss1 7 years
I can't sleep with my husband touching me, i like my space, thats why we have a king size bed! We cuddle and everything before we go to sleep and then we sleep on our own sides and i don't see this as "sleeping like a married couple"
chloe-bella chloe-bella 7 years
Since you two don't see each other very often, he probably just automatically reverts back to his normal routine (i.e. sleeping as though you're not there) as soon as he falls asleep. Focus more on how he acts towards you BEFORE he falls asleep.
lilegwene lilegwene 7 years
Agree with most others, it's not personal, just sleep! The best thing to do IMO is talk to him about how you want to cuddle, and see if he can try it out.
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 7 years
1-2 weeks a year!?! I think the way he sleeps is the least of your worries... My advice: don't take it personally and enjoy the time you guys have together when you're both awake.
chequettex chequettex 7 years
kimmie I agree with you - I think it's a very warped view of the marriage relationship to say "we sleep like a married couple." And "not in love"-??? Since when is a married couple not in love? I'm very much in love with my husband! That said... I actually do this to him, and I always have, even when we were just newlyweds. Not because I don't want to!! I'm very snuggly and we both love to cuddle before going to sleep, but I absolutely cannot fall asleep when someone is touching me - I've tried, because he wanted me to, but I just couldn't. I need to have my own space to sleep, or I won't be able to fall asleep. To the OP - don't take it so personally, it's nothing to worry about, not everybody is able to fall asleep when someone is touching them. Give the guy a break. And don't even think about marrying him (or anyone) if you think that "not snuggling" and "not being in love" is what marriage is supposed to be like.
kiwitwist kiwitwist 7 years
I need my space... so you are taking this too personally. Talk to him about it.. cuddle while you are relaxing and then allow him to roll away and go to sleep.
juicebox07 juicebox07 7 years
I agree with weffie. My bf tends to roll away when we sleep too. He will cuddle a little bit, but we both end up getting too hot usually.
weffie weffie 7 years
I don't think the OP is too clingy at all! Anyone who goes 50 weeks out of the year without seeing the person they love is totally justified in wanting to snuggle every second that they are together. It's not his fault tho, many people (including every guy I've ever shared a bed with) need a bit of space to sleep... Especially since men seem to produce heat like a furnace all night, they get uncomfortable with us pressed up against them. My bf knows I like to fall asleep in his arms, so he usually cuddles me til I pass out then he can roll away and do his own thing. If you just ask, he'll probably welcome the chance to make you happy :)
runningesq runningesq 7 years
I don't like sleeping cuddled up next to my husband, and I love him very much. We each sleep on our sides facing away from each other. It's just sleep.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 7 years
I'm a little confused... why do you only see him 1-2 weeks a year? Could this be a factor in him sleeping this way? I wish I had more details on your relationship, but I don't, so I'll just say that a lot of people simply can't sleep all snug up on someone. I can't. I need a lot of space between me and the other person in bed. I'm just not a spooner, at least not for more than a few minutes. It doesn't mean I don't like someone. I just have a larger personal bubble. I wouldn't take it personally!
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 7 years
I don't get the title to this. You sleep like a married couple not in love. Huh? I find it very sad to hear such a warped view of marriage. Most of the married people I know are still very much in love, myself included. Regardless, as others have stated, you can be in love and still not want to cuddle all night long. If you are getting the physical contact you want the rest of the time you are together, then I would just assume the sleeping arrangemnt is a matter of personal preference and comfort for him. I do think that if it really bothers you or if you are feeling distant from him in other ways, then you should talk to him about it. I also think you should look the fulfillment you are getting from the relationship in general if you only seem him 1-2 weeks a year. If you are starved for physical contact the other 50-51 weeks out of the year, maybe this is why you are so clingy when he's around.
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