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Crush on Coworker

Group Therapy: Co-Worker Crush

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a moderately large problem.

Some background —

I have been with my boyfriend about 2 years, friends for about 4. I pursued him and then we started dating. We've discussed marriage and buying a house together, our life is blissful. We don't really disagree on anything and have a good enough sex life (busy schedules can interfere but generally we manage 1-2 times a week). We have a lovely home together and he's supported me (financially and otherwise) a LOT over the last 2 years.

I am currently a training professional on placement with an agency. I finish my placement in 6 weeks time, and also my masters degree.

My problem? A guy in my office who works in the admin team started to get a bit flirty with me a few weeks after I started. I noticed but ignored it because a lot of guys behave like this with me (sorry, but it's true). We started talking a bit more and found we have quite a lot in common. I talk with girls the same way so I didn't think anything of it, honestly. Then 2 weeks ago he sent me an email over our internal mail system & we chatted a bit like that. I started to get a feeling he was trying to push things further. He knows I have a boyfriend —I have been VERY open about this. Anyway, I left the office early last Friday & arrived on Monday morning to find an email from him and at the end "so, should we go for a drink then?"


To see the rest of the dilemma,


I replied with "have you forgotten I have a long term, live in boyfriend?" and he replied back with "I'd been trying to forget that part but why can't we go for a drink?"

The problem? After he basically disclosed feelings for me & ramping up the flirtation I've been seriously questioning the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I've started to find myself attracted to this guy at work. I agreed to go out for a drink with him this week because honestly, I don't get out much & it's nice to have a bit of attention.

How do I handle this? I have no intention of breaking it off with my boyfriend but I still have 6 weeks left on placement. I've read loads of articles about how to handle a crush at work but none of them say what to do when the object of your affections likes you back AND knows you already have a boyfriend. I hate dating & am genuinely happy with my boyfriend.

Geez, is there a pill to control my hormones ??

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
AlyCarolina AlyCarolina 7 years
Well the only thing I would say to you is now that you already resolved this issue... Is I know how it is to be low on income and there are a lot of ways to not make it boring or lose the spark if you need any info on that just write me... bye bye
coworkercrush coworkercrush 7 years
Thanks for the replies but I kind of already resolved this a few comments back - I posted a long one about how I just needed a reality check. Some of ya'll are really mean, and you should have read through the comments first. Thanks!!
tatsauce tatsauce 7 years
I can relate to the office crush thing, so here's my advice: girl you need to snap out of it! Sure he's cute and he's giving you attention but you have a boyfriend that you love and are serious about and this office crush boy is just a ho. He knows you have a bf and he doesn't care, this is all bad news. Stay strong and be tough...NO DRINKS!!
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
"we alll love it when we get attention from a guy. But dont be disrespectful to your amazing boyfriend. --> Better yet, tell your boyfriend that you want more attention. It can be done in a tender, loving way, not in an angry, confrontational way.
kalina3 kalina3 7 years
we alll love it when we get attention from a guy. But dont be disrespectful to your amazing boyfriend. Its a little crush that is meaningless. Dont allow yourself to do something stupid.
KeLynns KeLynns 7 years
Honestly I'm not sure what the question is here. Some guy likes you but you have a boyfriend you don't intend on leaving. then don't go out with the guy from work? This is simple. No one is forcing you to hang out with this coworker outside of the office. So don't. Simple. Although I am confused how you can be "seriously questioning" your relationship in one paragraph and then don't intend to leave your boyfriend in the next.
Yesi-Jukebox Yesi-Jukebox 7 years
You are definitely playing with fire if you go out for a drink with your co-worker. If as you say you have no intention of leaving your boyfriend and you truly love him you need to nip this thing in the bud and make it absolutely clear that you did not intend to lead on your co-worker. More importantly - STOP FLIRTING!
ella1978 ella1978 7 years
If you are in love with your bf, you need to stay far away from this man. If you have "no intention to break up with your boyfriend", don't even entertain the idea of going out for drinks with this guy. Drinks will just lower your inhibition, and could lead to something happening that normally wouldn't. Steer clear & tell him you aren't interested.
Ilikesunshine Ilikesunshine 7 years
I agree, guys that our that persistent, usually end up being controlling.. plus, remember the grass is always greener! any person giving you that much attention will make you feel special, especially when things are "new and exciting". my advice, cancel the date on drinks, or if you go, take your boyfriend along to stress you're not available, we all know a few drinks can skew our judgment. Also think of the bad feelings your man might harbor if you got out for drinks with another guy, without him... just some thoughts.. just don't let all the attention skew your views.
kimmieb124 kimmieb124 7 years
Personally, I'd be a little bothered by his persistence when he knows you are in a serious relationship. The fact that he doesn't respect your current relationship makes me wonder about how he would respect a relationship he is in. If he has no problems crossing boundaries with you, who is to say he would not do the same if he was in the one in the relationship rather than you? If you honestly see a future with this man, that is something to consider. Also, you need to do some self-reflection. You say you are happy with your boyfriend and want to stay with him and yet you accepted an invitation to go out to drinks with a guy who you know has a very non-businesslike interest in you. I get that it's nice to have attention, but if you truly want to keep your relationship with your boyfriend in tact you should be aware that you are currently playing with fire. If you have not been open and honest with your boyfriend about this, that's a sign that you know what you're doing isn't in the best interest of maintaining your current relationship.
inlove23 inlove23 7 years
I hate guys like this, you know that ones that just don't take the hint! They totally play with our emotions. I think you need to drop him because if not then you are going to end up losing your boyfriend. Think about who you really want in the long run. Cheating is never the answer!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 7 years
Um, didn't we already answer this one? Where are our posts? Sometimes I think this site is run by a 10 year old. Sorry, sugar. :(
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 7 years
You said it yourself, you're genuinely happy with your boyfriend and want to stay with him. Perhaps try to get the attention you feel you're lacking from him? Perhaps because you live together, you don't go out as much on dates? Go on a nice romantic date somewhere, dress up, make it steamy. ; ) I would suggest to reignite your flame with the boyfriend you know you love. After you remember just why you love him so much, some measly guy at work who does't know how to back off like a gentelman will seem lame compared to your man. (Ya, I find his persistence kinda creepy)
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