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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Is It Cheating If It's Phone Text Sex?

DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Is It Cheating If It's Phone Text Sex?

DEARSUGAR and Naughty Natalie need your help. She is dating someone long distance and has recently found a love interest at work. They've been flirting away, but now he's remorseful and wants nothing to do with her. She's really upset and feels let down by him. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar
I've been with my guy for almost five years (we are in a long distance relationship). I've recently become close to a friend at work and discovered we both have feelings for one another. We talk daily and have amazing chemistry. He's the type of person you can tell anything to and not feel like you're being judged.

I think he's amazing, but unfortunately we are both taken. Monday night after a party he brought me home and we sat in his car and talked in the parking lot. After about 30 minutes he gave me a hug and I went in my house and he left.

We then texted each other from the time he dropped me off until 7am. I can't believe we stayed up all night long. The conversation became very sexual and we basically ended up having phone text sex. We went to sleep and I woke up the next morning and texted him to see how he was doing.

He said it was a mistake and it should have never happened and he hates himself. I totally understand that he is feeling guilty and sad, but now he no longer wants to have any kind of contact with me outside of work. He just wants to be distant cordial friends who say hello at the water cooler every now and again. I'm having a hard time with this seeing as we've become so close and I've really become accustomed to leaning on him. Naughty Natalie

Join The Conversation
KimmiAnn KimmiAnn 10 years
CHEATING! SOOOO CHEATING! Just think, if you'd been sex texting with your man how exciting THAT could have been? I send my husband little sexy texts all the time, makes him smile and keeps it fresh. I would DIE if he did that with someone else...just die..then....he would soon follow..MUAHHHAHAHAHHA Believe in Magic, or we'll have to take your soul!
yiddidea yiddidea 10 years
If you and your bf have an understanding of exclusivity then what you did is cheating. It is emotional cheating at the very least. If you really wanted to have text sex, why not do it with your BOYFRIEND. That is ridiculous.
la_clique la_clique 10 years
I be a wench, too. That was a terrible thing to do. I would be humiliated if I thought my BF was sex texting someone. I'm no Bible scholar, but "do unto others" works pretty well in all situations. You def need to reevaluate your relationship with the BF, maybe you are ready to move on.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
not in this situation. and btw, text guy will be back for more of the same so just sit tight and act bored with him. you aren't married so aren't you available? there's only 1 real commitment and that's marriage. anything else is just playing house. if your boyfriend thinks you are exclusive and would be hurt by what happened AND you decide to go back for seconds when text boy comes a callin then you need to speak up.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 10 years
I think it is cheating. As Nicole Kidman said, sometimes mental or non-physical cheatingi is worse.
loveMYbitches loveMYbitches 10 years
I think it is very understandable that you being in a long distance relationship could start to have feelings for someone near by. No matter how much you care about someone, you get lonely for them, and for that affection. It's human nature to find what we're looking for. In your case, I think you need not think so much about this guy but think more about your relationship with your boyfriend. I don't think of what you did as cheating, but tip toeing the line to starting.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Uh, yah. Totally cheating. But for god's sake, don't tell your poor boyfriend about it. Get over it. Maintain a professional friendship with your co-worker. Reassess your relationship with your boyfriend.
Faye16 Faye16 10 years
Yep, I'd say that's cheating. And 'text sex' is really sad.
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 10 years
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 10 years
Of course that's cheating. Did you or will you tell your boyfriend about it? Probably not, right? How would you feel if your boyfriend was had "chemistry" with other women AND was acting on it? I think that you need to get out of this relationship before you hurt your BF, and ultimately. I say this especially because you expressed no remorse in your post.
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 10 years
then i do be a wench too :yaar: if my bf pulled this and i found out, you better believe i'd dump his arse...and i would expect someone to dump me if i did the same!
Padraigin Padraigin 10 years
I consider it cheating, but I'm a judgemental wench.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Oh totally. Id prolly consider it cheating even if they didnt text sex. You dont emotionally lean on a guy you have alot of chemistry with when your taken. If you cant handle the long distance between you and your guy get out and move on. DOnt try to be a player. -------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
tOxxic, She has a boyfriend. So, do you consider what she did was cheating? That is how I understood this question. But, I totally agree she needs to accept how the text guy feels, and move on.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
I totally agree with sarah and BB in my opinion yes it is cheating! not sure if I said that. -------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
Adriana42 Adriana42 10 years
That's your first step to cheating..If you continued doing what you were doing you'd most likely than not end up hooking up. The guy was obviously more responsible than you and ended it before anything happened. Don't you feel a tad bit guilty as well? I know I would.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 10 years
SaRah 22, is right. I always say something similar....the litmus test is, if you don't want your bf or hubby doing something like that to have your answer. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend. But, when I dated boyfriends or now I'm married...that would be cheating.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
Uh well if thats how he feels then get over it Im sorry. I dont want to be mean but he feels hes betrayed his girlfriend and you have to respect that. Find some girlfriends sweetie. -------------------- The baby in my belly made me do it I swear.
SaRaH-22 SaRaH-22 10 years
I look at it this that something you would be mad at your other half for doing to you?? ~*~Life was Simpler back then~*~
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